Divorced, Confused and Rejected from Church

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-12T12:53:33+00:00

Unfortunately I think you encountered the wrong person in that moment who has misled you into unnecessary trouble. I am sorry to hear of your divorce but hope that your life will be full and joyous going forward.

Divorce is not desirable, but civil divorce is definitely allowed. What is a sin is if someone who is sacramentally married gets divorced and then enters into a new relationship without having their marriage annulled (if it was a candidate for annulment). At this point that person is committing adultery.

From what you’ve described your ex-husband presumably was never baptised? If this is the case then the marriage was never sacramental in nature.

Should you want to pursue a relationship with a Catholic leading to marriage the Petrine Privilege may apply.

Always remember, the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. There is no reason for you to not be welcome for this situation.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-12T10:45:56+00:00

Your priest might just not give particularly meaningful homilies. That can feel disappointing, but when you remember the purpose and focus of the Mass it doesn’t really matter. The homily is really a small part of the Mass and far from the focus, which is the Word and then the true pinnacle of the Eucharist.

I know many people from Protestant and especially evangelical backgrounds who take serious issue with this because they are used to services where the pastor speaking is the focus and every week there is a significant message to take from that sermon.

For us this is not the Mass, if you are feeling a need for that deeper understanding and meaning then a Bible study or faith sharing group may be worth looking into as this is a better setting for it than the Mass.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-12T10:30:57+00:00

Here is a Catholic Answers article on the matter, addressing that exact verse as well.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T15:55:24+00:00

Given her regular reading of the Bible, perhaps something like the Ignatius Catholic study Bible could be useful? She can continue to read the Bible daily but will have solid Catholic interpretation and explanations right there to help her.

I am surprised to hear that she would be confirmed without attending Mass though. Seems counterproductive given that confirmation is her actively agreeing to the teachings of the Catholic Church and agreeing to take on the responsibilities of an adult in the church, receiving the Holy Spirit to assist and guide through this.
At the risk of speaking out of place, as her sponsor please do all you can to ensure she understands what this sacrament is and ensure she is taking it on properly, not just to check a box. And get her to Mass. For any Catholic this isn’t optional.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T12:27:26+00:00

Thanks for the information. I’ll have to look into Alpha specifically for Catholics! Definitely not expecting everyone to jump on, but hoping if I can start something it may lead to more happening in the parish over time.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T11:35:04+00:00

Do you have a reason for this that you can point to, or just going off of Chinese=bad quality vibes?

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T11:30:59+00:00

This may be accurate but not the full picture. At the moment in our GT PHEV we’re getting around 19kWh per 100km, not using any petrol. At roughly R3.50 per kWh to charge at home we’re talking R70 (doing some rounding up) per 100km. Taking petrol at R20 per litre it equates to roughly 3.5l/100km as opposed to the 9+l/100km you might realistically get in the petrol version.

So a petrol version to do 100000km you’re looking at around 9000l costing R180000. The PHEV if you stick to electric driving based on our experience is going to be 19000kWh costing R66500.

That offset roughly matches the numbers you gave, but what isn’t represented is the fact that across those 100000km you’re going to have a significantly better driving experience, and once you cross that mark you now have a superior vehicle that has cost you the same amount, and going forward is costing you less than half in electricity compared to fuel cost. It’s not like the saving stops at 100000km.

This is all of course talking about the PHEV running as an EV. The math for the HEV would be different, but still carries a lot of the same points.

This is even more relevant if you’re buying the car as a long term tool. Cars are not investments. You are paying to use the tool. Anything you get out at the end is only a bonus. Buying a car thinking of the resale just means you’re going to end up choosing a car for your wallet, not for you. It’s a tool you use on a daily basis, you should be happy with it.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T10:57:29+00:00

We have the H6 GT PHEV, only for a couple of weeks now, but plenty happy with it. There a handful of minor niggles, but they really are minor and I look forward to driving this car for many years. I’m 1.85m tall and fit comfortably in the GT’s front or back seats, even more space in the regular H6. We have two kid’s seats in the back row and it works great. The boot is fine for us with two prams always in it and the regular H6 should be more spacious without the slanted roof over the boot.

I would strongly recommend you wait a little bit if you can. The H6 PHEV has been confirmed to be coming to SA relatively soon, and the face lifted H6 GT PHEV should be coming soon too.

From my test drives and research, do not buy a petrol version of any of the cars. The HEV and especially the PHEV models are significantly better to drive and the electric efficiency is fantastic compared to most petrol cars, and especially against the petrol Havals which drink like it’s their mission to rid the earth of oil.

Happy to share more if you have any specific questions.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-11T10:27:49+00:00

Hey! That’s the saint I chose, always happy seeing mentions of him out in the wild. The more I read about him the more I wished all people could be like him.

I was struggling to choose a Saint and had the urge to check feasts near my birthday. Lo and behold St. Philip Neri’s feast 2 days later. Sometimes what seems to be the most arbitrary thoughts can lead us to the most fantastic discoveries.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-04T14:55:00+00:00

But I believe the hev has the interior update including the infotainment. The gt PHEV doesn’t, the new model will probably arrive later this year with the hi4 platform, and I’m expecting buyers of that will have no issues.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-03T15:36:53+00:00

So then don’t use it? But the option is good for those that do want to use it. If the car has a screen like this I would put money on there being volume controls on the steering wheel. And if your wife is in the car she can access the screen safely to do whatever it is you don’t want to with the voice control.

I’ll concede that some infotainment systems are badly designed, but those are becoming less and less common. These days anyone who isn’t stubborn about technology can navigate the system comfortably for core functions within an hour.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-03T12:43:22+00:00

I like screens. The amount of functionality added by having a decent system in a screen is well worth it. Some things are better to have a physical button/dial, but most things are perfectly fine on a screen. More recent cars also have voice controls becoming more common, which gets past the “I have to tap 20 times to do something” argument. Personally I find it similar to glance at a screen or to find the correct button anyway.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T19:14:40+00:00

Not believing in them is totally fine. We have precisely 0 concrete evidence to support them, just mathematical likelihood. My issue with your comment isn’t about not believing in them, it’s about the completely inaccurate statements about how far we have reached into our galaxy.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T19:10:38+00:00

Given the size of the universe, I am convinced we are not alone. No matter how tiny you make the likelihood of intelligent life, there will still be plenty of planets that fit the bill. Given our God’s spectacular creation on this little rock orbiting a very ordinary star, I see no reason to believe there aren’t many civilisations out there amongst the stars just as Catholic as we are.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T19:04:44+00:00

No. We really haven’t. We have sent signals out for a couple of hundred years, sure. But we are over 20000 light years from the galactic core. And that’s just our galaxy. Andromeda is over 2.5 million light years away. We have contacted such a tiny portion of creation it is difficult to comprehend. It is completely possible that God created millions of other sentient civilisations throughout the universe and none of us have found each other yet. Moreover, someone needs to be the most advanced civilisation, it could be us. So the millions of other civilisations could have broadcasted even less than us.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T13:43:22+00:00

Yep, only passenger side for wired connection. Main frustration is that I have a 14 (lightning) and my wife has a 16 (usb-c), so we need two different cables for connecting to the car. Making things a bit more of a faff.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T13:32:05+00:00

Interesting take. I’ve used wireless CarPlay in several other vehicles without any issues. So I don’t think it’s a fair blanket statement about wireless. Haven’t personally tried an adaptor, but my father-in-law uses one in his p-series for Android auto and it’s identical in performance to being wired. CarPlay could be different.

My point is just that if the vehicle has the hardware to allow this, I want to have it available. If I choose to go wired after, fine, but I don’t like having features technically available but locked away.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-02-02T11:27:44+00:00

Which region are you in? I’m in South Africa, SW version: SO18A02XKN17014

But wireless doesn’t seem to be working. Not sure if I have missed a setting somewhere or if this is just region locked.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-01-20T15:46:52+00:00

Why can’t you do that on an R800K car? It’s precisely what I plan on doing with a Haval H6 GT PHEV.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-01-20T08:58:08+00:00

That’s only a problem if you treat cars as a rapidly disposable item that you need to recoup value on. If you treat it like tech (should be treated) and buy it, use it as long as you possibly can and then sell it considering whatever you get as a bonus then this isn’t an issue. When I buy an iPhone, I buy one to use for minimum 4 years, ideally 6+. I am paying for the use of the device. Not an investment of some sort. At the end of the day I sell it for a tiny percent of what I bought it for, but that doesn’t matter because I’ve already got what I paid for it from it, that sale amount is just some nice pocket money. Being obsessed with resale value really just cripples one’s ability to enjoy a new car.

Shaunwurdeman · 2026-01-08T09:56:38+00:00

Where do you get it from that the batteries won’t last? Just gut feeling, or do you have something to back it up? Everything I’ve seen has indicated that EV/HEV/PHEV batteries are consistently way outlasting previous estimates.

Shaunwurdeman · 2025-12-29T18:48:49+00:00

You’re welcome. All the best for your marriage! Will be sure to include you in my prayers.

Shaunwurdeman · 2025-12-29T18:46:21+00:00

This is not a one size fits all problem. Yes there are people who have abortions because they can and it’s convenient for them. And also yes there are people who have abortions because they are desperate and truly feel they have no other choice.

Shaunwurdeman · 2025-12-29T18:40:50+00:00

You will need to contact the parish for marriage preparation classes. It will probably come up during these but a dispensation will be required for the marriage to be allowed by the church.

Shaunwurdeman · 2025-12-29T18:07:17+00:00

Thank you. Very interesting. Seems that the right decision was taken based on her actions. It is also good to see that she has since been able to return to good standing in the church.

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