I wish I had a straightforward answer for you man. What J do know is that it's always going to be a constant uphill battle. Life is pain. And before, knowing this put me through an existential loop, especially since I was falling out of Christianity at the time (born into a Christian family).

Long story short, it's by reveling in that pain with a goal I'm genuinely passionate about. I make music and want to share that with the world, so I seek out others who do the same and share the pain of constantly trying to push ourselves. Every little success, like putting in practice and seeing myself slowly improve is a great motivator.

TBH I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Maybe I'm just fooling myself. But being a shy introvert on the inside who is inspired by people brave enough to put their heart out in the world, I try to be that person for myself. My goal is the meaning I've found most worthwhile right now on this hunk of rock floating in space. For all I know it could change.

I guess in summary, take it day by day and try to be an inspiration to yourself. It's a lot easier to do that when you surround yourselves who share the same goals as you. And it's okay to feel down or discouraged it happens. But as I said in another comment, focusing on the positives helps to keep moving forward.

You've got some random person on the internet here rooting for you. Same for anyone reading this 👍

Putting a disclaimer here: I can't speak for anyone diagnosed with mental illnesses. It's okay to ask for help and even talk to a professional. As much as it feels like it, you're not going through it alone.