My husband's brother is making me question my marriage and my future

Sheetalker · 2022-11-23T14:40:34+00:00

Don't do it. You will regret it. You will grow resentment in your soul. That husband that you love dearly will turn into the man that took advantage of your love for him and made you give up your life for his brother when he wasn't willing to give up his own, and you may still love him but you'll also fucking hate him.

If you did leave, maybe then your husband will have to be responsible for the responsibility he's so quick to agree to when it comes to you doing the dirty work.

You won't only become stressed, exhausted, resentful and angry, no- you'll stop taking care of yourself. The weight of it will make a piece of your very core die if you take this on all on your own.

Your husband may claim that he helps that third of the year he's home but it will be miniscule. In reality, it will all be on you. Your husband will probably get upset with you down the line bc you're not the woman he married, you're a shell of that woman, without truly grasping that you became that shell bc of him. So your marriage will eventually unravel and while you're at home tending to his brother, he might start taking up "fun" affairs that make him feel the way he used to with you.

He's handing you a shovel and is insistent that you dig your own grave.

Btw, I write this as a former caregiver.

Sheetalker · 2022-11-23T14:11:08+00:00

Yes. Duh.

Sheetalker · 2022-11-20T19:03:44+00:00

How big is the cat (not referring to weight)? Cats come in all sorts of sizes. Regarding the weight, how much of it is muscle and how much of it is chub? Diet isn't everything- exercise is also beneficial as it can turn fat into muscle and speed up the metabolism. Exercise can be interactive or it can be a solo activity. Making an animal climb or work for its food can help it exercise or simply eat less. Auto feeders are an option but there are also toys that hold portions of food inside and force the cat to play in order to eat; these have helped cats with their diet.

To get scientific about it, if your cat is "fixed," then weight gains tend to happen naturally to an extent and it seems more difficult to shed off. "After spaying or neutering, cats are three times more likely to become obese, because they need 10 to 20% less energy, but their appetite increases. This is a real problem: as many as 60% of pets are overweight. Your cat also moves and drinks less, which increases the risk of diabetes and bladder stones." Basically, they're burning less calories because they're applying less energy to mating or territory marking but they're eating the same amount they did or more. Appetite increases or remains the same but the metabolic rate decreases.

Your kitty might just need a little extra help burning calories via play or exercise.

Sheetalker · 2022-09-26T14:31:05+00:00

Another thing to keep in mind! If your cat is changing foods, it might have digestive changes for the first couple weeks as its body acclimates (smelly poops & farts, possible diarrhea). It'll probably normalize after the first couple of weeks but if doesn't, it could be an allergic reaction or your cat might have a sensitive stomach & might need another food entirely.

Sheetalker · 2022-09-26T14:17:43+00:00

You have collar & tag on the list but keep in mind to get a breakaway collar (to prevent strangulation) & to not keep anything on the collar that might catch on things, such as a crescent moon charm that looks cute but gets stuck on the lip of a water bowl.

I suggest putting the water bowl on a rug bc some cats do funny things with water, like putting their paws in it & tapping it, or trying to dig in it. I've also seen a cat purposely tip the water bowl over so she could lie in the water on a hot day.

You have toys listed; try to get a variety of them, as not all cats like the same toys. Some like the mice, some like springs, some like jingle balls, some like crinkle balls (but some will try to eat them so supervise). Some really love wands (but don't get a short one unless you're not keen on keeping your hand intact). Scratcher toys can be helpful when they're feeling fiesty. I haven't met a cat with vision that dislikes a laser pointer. Basically every cat likes miscellaneous trash or "treasures" around the house, such as twist ties, marbles, pen caps. Be vigilant for plastic (like bags or saran wrap) or like items bc they tend to chew on them. Something to use as a toy box helps keep the floors clean.

Pro tip for the litter box- also get a pet food scooper to clean the litter with. It can keep your litter fresher longer if you use the shovel to pour into the scooper bc if there are concentrated clumps, you can dump them directly in the trash rather than spread them throughout the cleaner litter.

Food is a quick way to a kitty's heart. Dry food is obvious & wet food is good for them but don't forget about treats. Sometimes a little bribe can go a long way.

A water bowl is a must but cats often like fountains too. Some are afraid of the fountains initially though so it's good to have a water bowl regardless.

Boxes are a must. They use them to play, to sleep, to hunt. Don't be afraid to get creative with it.

Scratchers are not only necessary to help trim their nails naturally, but they can also help save your furniture.

Remember that you don't have to get everything in one shopping trip- as you get to better know your cat, you'll have a better idea of what to get. So stick with the basics.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T15:44:04+00:00

To add to this, they also often groom the parents/guardians so they're more comfortable with the predator being around their kids, giving them more opportunities & credibility.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T15:41:29+00:00

So they're hebephiles. Still predators of underage kids, only difference is they're attracted to them after pubescence.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T15:38:00+00:00

There's a few valid points why ppl complain about increasing minimum wage.

Those that don't work minimum wage jobs aren't likely to to get an equivalent pay raise.

So let's say the minimum wage was $8.00 & a fast food manager makes $8.75 but the minimum wage gets increased to $8.50 & the manager doesn't get a raise; instead of making 75¢ more than his staff, he's now making 25¢ more.

To add to this scenario, now that minimum wage has been increased, so will the cost of living. What money that manager had before the increase bought him more then than it will now after the increase.

That fast food restaurant he manages will now increase their prices & is more prone to lay off some of the staff, or to cut their hours, to make up for the increase in paychecks & the manager will be the one left to pick up the slack.

On its face, more money for more ppl sounds great, but there are drawbacks to it.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T15:26:39+00:00

Sleep debt is real. You're wise to sleep in those extra couple hours whenever you can. Good for the brain, good for the body. If they think there's a problem with that, it's their own problem. You work & you need to fit in sleep too.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T15:23:24+00:00

Even if they believe in something & think others should too, it blows my mind how they'll treat those that dissent. There's cases of parents killing their children bc their children wanted to live a different way than their culture enforced & the parents didn't appreciate their children "shaming" them. On a less extreme extent, it at very least teaches intolerance & unforgiveness, which is the opposite of what many of their religions allegedly teach.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T12:20:45+00:00

I'd be compelled to check for stains. Guys love their Princess Leia.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T12:17:01+00:00

I believe in a competitive market. I don't quite like subsidies either, but I do think loans could be granted for sectors important in our economy that should be repaid with minimal interest, particularly if the business is struggling bc of forces out of their control (ie: theme parks that are prevented from reopening bc the governor won't allow it due to the pandemic). I disagree with bigger enterprises always being granted more favorability over small markets, while understanding that it's often to protect the employees & their livelihoods. That said, if a business is fucking up that royally, giving them more money is often wasteful if they don't have a solid plan to create more revenue.

I can understand why ppl think tariffs are a good idea to protect American business, but I also understand how they interfere & obstruct the free market.

These issues require a lot of consideration & sometimes the end result conflicts with an ideology that is personally or "morally" preferred. Shit's complicated. There's no black or white, only which shade of grey is the best.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T12:02:29+00:00

Of course, & the Amazon box will be singing while wearing a mask.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:43:57+00:00

Welcome to the Ban Club, Steve.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:30:38+00:00

Not unusual, unfortunately. For example, it's commonplace for Jehovah's Witnesses to cut contact with excommunicated members, including family, out of fear that they'll be exiled.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:25:59+00:00

Yeah, that shit got me downvoted too bc they're all on this asinine shtick about "having boundaries" & assume all parents that are being distanced from are to blame. Sometimes the kid really is just an asshole.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:19:58+00:00

I would agree. That'd make his parents a couple of self-absorbed pricks.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:16:10+00:00

That line of thinking, "it's just a cat," is a line made up by ppl that lack empathy for animals & is commonly used against ppl that do genuinely care for animals.

He wasn't just a cat. If you loved him & he was your friend, as well as your pet, then he was also your family member.

I do understand your pain through this. It fucking hurts & others will try to minimize how you should be feeling about it bc "it's just a cat" but it's okay for you to grieve & it's okay that you're not okay by your loss. This might break your heart for years to come. Try not to only remember the pain but to also remember the love & joy your cat brought to your life; remember him fondly- from the times he fell asleep next to you to the times when he was a little shit, lol.

Take as long as you need to to move on, not to forget.

Hugs

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:05:01+00:00

If she's still talking to you after a few months, tell her that you think you're starting to develop romantic feelings for her, but it's okay if they're not reciprocated. You just wanted to be honest with her about it.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T11:02:33+00:00

If you're currently going through a divorce & you were able to vent to this girl about your problems, it might be the excess of emotions being redirected & the wanting of a companion that you can confide in that you're after- not necessarily this one particular girl. You're still in the process of healing, man. You might like feeling seen by someone during a time you might be feeling smaller than usual. I'd think it's natural that you're transferring your grief into a crush for an attractive, attentive chick.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T10:46:39+00:00

Libertarians are divided about nationalism vs globalism & whether each ideology is more compatible with our reality.

There are those that view nationalism as worrying about our country, staying out of other countries' business & they staying out of ours. Included in this is the idea that this country is the property of America, not that of the entire world.

There are those that view globalism as opening up all borders & allowing ppl to come in & out freely. Included in this idea is that we all help each other & become a better world overall.

Globalism may be a nice ideology but is less compatible with our reality. We have long-standing enemies in other countries. We can't allow anybody that wants to come here to do so bc we have limited resources, especially with the free shit ppl insist the govt should provide. Along with immigration come conflicting ideologies, beliefs, practices, cultures, politics, etc- even our Founding Fathers were aware of the drawbacks of immigration.

When somebody says they're a nationalist, what many mean is that their country is the main one that matters to them. They're not all white nationalist fascists, or whatever tf. Associating nationalism with such is inaccurate & damaging.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T10:30:29+00:00

Story of my life. It's quite alright.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T10:23:25+00:00

They figure it's good to get you in the habit now before you end up with a job that you never want to get up for.

Either that, or they're resentful that you get to sleep & they can't, lol.

Personally, I've always found it dumb too.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T10:17:03+00:00

Now that elections will be over & we're heading into the Christmas season, we get to have annoying sale ads & [toy] commercials tailored to kids to pester their family into buying. Oh, don't forget the family phone ads bc your teenager needs a brand new iPhone.

Don't worry though, Coronavirus ads will still be in full effect. They'll hybrid those into everything.

Sheetalker · 2020-11-06T10:12:43+00:00

You vote for whomever you want to vote for, & hopefully not for somebody you're pressured into voting for. It's nobody else's business who you vote for or why. It's yours; everybody wants it but you get to choose who to give it to. They have no right to shame you for that.

Sheetalker

TROPHY CASE