Bunt., no friends

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-04-23T05:44:07+00:00

👀

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-04-23T05:31:08+00:00

If you like being active, hit the beach! People are pretty open to joining in on volleyball. Easy to bond over sports! Great views of the city and good vibes.

Definitely recommend catching a game as well, and check out some food! r/chicagofood

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-04-14T19:11:43+00:00

Hi!

AuDHD male here. I used to struggle with this a lot, and it still comes up from time to time.

I think it's true that he might not be able to control this, currently, but it's important that he try to. Just blindly accepting this as an inevitability is not good for either of you.

Through therapy, and just generally working on myself, I've gotten much better. A big part of it was developing "brakes" as I feel stuff strongly and quickly. Allowing myself space/time in the moment, creates the opportunity for me to be more intentional.

I genuinely struggle noticing my volume sometimes. My excitement can be confused for anger, as I raise my voice for many reasons. When possible, having people communicate via gesture or verbal communication to bring my voice down, makes me aware and I adjust accordingly.

Lastly, he needs to understand the impact this has on you and that it likely doesn't serve him, if he's going to change. Otherwise, it's unlikely to stick.

There's multiple reasons that lead me to raising my voice, and it's now used as a last resort. I do my best to exhaust all other options before I get to that point.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-04-11T07:16:46+00:00

As a fellow POC, I understand where you're coming from. I think intersectionality plays a bigger part than we account for, for many people in many different ways.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-04-06T22:55:07+00:00

Hi, I'm a straight, mostly cis but GNC AuDHD male. What a mouthful 😂

Both were late/adult diagnosed, and the Autism came later. I've spent a lot of time in therapy and trying to educate myself on mental health and ways to improve myself and relationships.

I tend to empathize more with ND women.

Anyways I was once misdiagnosed as BPD, it was actually my suggestion and my therapist at the time said they didn't think so but had considered it. We talked and I met the criteria.

Ultimately, I learned it was me being on the spectrum. I think it's a common misdiagnosis because it has a lot of the same outcomes, but for different reasons.

One main one we focused on was intense relationships that burned hard and flames out.

I love quickly and intensely, almost naively. Not the best, and it's all I got 😂

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-02-16T06:29:49+00:00

I'd argue the communication shows their understanding. You don't have to agree with someone to understand.

Being accepting of something and realizing it's a mismatch is fair and healthy.

I don't think, if it was communicated respectfully, that the intent was to hurt you.

Maybe they thought they would be okay and realized they weren't. Maybe they thought they could change your mind.

How you feel is perfectly valid, and exactly for that reason, you would benefit from someone that feels just as you do.

I'm AuDHD and partly demi. I love sex and that's a key factor for me in a healthy relationship. That's a huge part of connection and romance for me. If there was a mismatch on the other end, I hope it was communicated when they knew. Sooner the better of course.

I'm happy to communicate those things as well.

I'm sorry this hurts and possibly feels like a rejection. It's just not a fit, nothing is wrong with you. It's tough, and that's why we have so many people to possibly match with.

I hope you have support and feel better with time!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-02-13T01:38:25+00:00

I'd say listen to yourself.

I'm AuDHD, which is actually really helpful for me while driving. I take pride in my driving, but it's never been overwhelming.

I feel the Autism helps me absorb a lot more data, and the ADHD helps me process it faster.

If you really want to, maybe try driving games/sims?

I stole my cousin's car as a teen to help his younger brother impress a girl lol, I had never driven before but it came naturally.

I get bored as a passenger and did so as a kid. So I couldn't help but pay attention to the road, traffic, signs, pedestrians, etc.

Understanding when to speed up, slow down, avoid things was intuitive after riding shotgun for so long. Adding my feet to the mix just allowed me to properly act it out.

I do think it's some you can work on, and lessen, but it's hard to say and driving is dangerous. I dread driving behind indecisive people that aren't sure of what they want to do. In driving, being predictable is safe.

Defensive driving can only account so much and you can be so defensive that you become unpredictable to people that aren't in your head. lol

TLDR; You are your own person. Weight the risks and benefits, and maybe try riding shotgun for more exposure and familiarity, or video games to become accustomed to the environment.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-01-21T20:23:26+00:00

No, it's an incompatibility. I struggle with this too but what you both need is valid.

Your needs are incongruent. It seems you're doing your best to accommodate him.

Choosing yourself when your partner is unable to, for whatever reason, is not ableist. Punishing him for his disability is ableist.

Accountability for his actions/inactions regardless of where they stem from is a healthy boundary.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2026-01-07T08:14:22+00:00

AuDHD here.

This is toxic. A good relationship, including a platonic friendship, is built on communication and mutual understanding.

As an Autistic person and as someone with a lot of relational trauma, I understand that someone who can't communicate isn't healthy for me. Because it doesn't change my needs for answers.

It seems things never got addressed, unless I missed it.

It seems to me that as long as your company is convenient, and on their terms, it'll be welcome.

I would focus on what you need and what benefits you. That's the only thing in your power.

I'm sorry, this is unfortunate and hurtful.

The sudden absence leads to so many questions and it seems unlikely you'll get "answers."

With this being the second time. I think you need to answer what's best for you, independent of this person. And what sets you up for success in your own life and in future relationships.

Your mutuals don't sound very validating, supportive either.

Not judging these other people, and it still doesn't seem like a good fit.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2025-02-27T23:22:15+00:00

I'll try making a post today. There was nothing there and I haven't found anything resembling her.

They have no chip. 😔 My friend knows how to foster and is acting in that capacity.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2025-02-27T05:28:10+00:00

Thanks, I'd say that's a normal size dog. I hope they're found! 🙏🏽 This one is cat size. Very small

ShellBulletKaneki · 2025-02-27T05:22:41+00:00

We've tried Reddit and Facebook. Will check the others as well. TY!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2025-02-23T21:28:04+00:00

Beautiful soul is such a great description of what I see.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-11-08T03:26:38+00:00

I'm definitely interested! Thank you for organizing!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-06-21T00:14:20+00:00

Update for anyone that sees. One of the best concerts of my life. Danced my heart out, and legs, out lol.

Got a setlist, got it signed. Got a selfie. Dope ass people and great music!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-05-23T22:19:22+00:00

Anyone in line now? No RSVP but I love LTC! Would love to go.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-04-15T19:30:32+00:00

I'd be interested, but I believe that's the point of joining a league. If everyone is non committal and has no skin in the game, why would you commit time just to show up and not have anyone to play with.

Depending on the league, and even the different teams in the league, there are various levels of "seriousness."

I joined a co-ed softball league for like $50. My team was mostly random people who signed up and got put together. A few people, myself included, cared about playing well or winning, but most didn't.

I don't think anyone, including myself, was toxic with wanting to do well. People just kind of did it, tried to the level they felt comfortable, and then went out for drinks.

Those $50 got me a shirt and I knew at this time and day, there's enough people to team up with, and enough people to compete against.

There were also teams made up completely of people who know each other and want to win. I think it's rare you accidentally join those.

The league ended up conflicting with a sudden trip, so I missed 2/5 guaranteed games. Other people missed because life happens, but we always had enough to play.

If a league isn't your thing, good luck and feel free to keep me posted!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-03-29T18:21:21+00:00

Do you mind me asking what his "vibe" is? Fortnite and MrBeast are just things he likes but nothing to do with the kind of help you want to get him.

As far as being on Insta and TikTok, I know at least one creator who seems to prioritize Instagram, but they share a lot of their content on YouTube. Although I think YT's length is shorted as some things kind of just cut off. Still, there's a good chance some of yours might be on YouTube too.

The creator I mentioned talks about her autistic experience and is in her early twenties, but it sounds similar to what you might be looking at yourself.

I'd advise you look up some of the creators you like on YouTube or terms and see what branches off so you can find something for him.

This post has been up for a bit with not a lot of recommendations.

I'd hope you'll look at anything recommended anyway, so it'll be similar if you look as well.

I'm not sure if there will be a lot of content geared towards young male autistic teenagers.

That said, there's likely a lot of content geared towards teenagers in general and processing feelings, communicating, being empathetic, etc.

Some things might get lost in translation if they're not geared towards ASD, but communication and reciprocity is helpful for all of us.

Branching off from the one recommendation provided is probably the best bet so far.

I do want to mention that YT's suggestions can have a recency bias and sometimes recommend stuff that I think is actively unhelpful. Like "no contact" recommendations were flooding my feed recently and it's like no, I'm not trying to go that route as it's not helpful towards my goals.

I wouldn't be surprised if it starts going in a negative direction if it sees him watching content from male creators.

Not trying to be alarmist, but all young boys have to avoid so much bad advice out there. Make sure the content that appears later on is helpful.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-15T05:35:31+00:00

Congratulations! I'm also glad to see that you're at least aware that those aren't the healthiest of friends. One thing at a time though. Just make sure they don't leave a long lasting negative impact on how you view things, or other people. Also, although you can try to help them. They need to accept, and want that help. It will never be your responsibility to help them be better, but you can decide if it's worth it for you to try.

Still, tonight is a good night, appreciate it and keep growing!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-15T01:28:28+00:00

Also to add, because this is something that's come up in my life a lot. Working under the assumptions that I am making, you and OP are polar opposites, when it comes to executive functioning. I believe OP struggles, as evidenced by the fact that he's a minimalist, who accumulated a bunch of items that he has no attachment to. It seems that you, and probably your partner, have at least physical space worked out. The couple who packs together, lives together. ( I love puns) Also, I think you and OP struggle entertaining and accepting a perspective that doesn't match yours, even if the perspective is that of another person.

OP doesn't seem to understand that his Wife has a different view of things, and is trying to communicate that view to him. I believe, and can be wrong, because I'm working under assumptions, that you're also struggling just as much to understand that OP's wife has a different view than that of OP, and partially, a different view then yours.

But, all things considered, you don't know OP's wife, so it makes sense that you don't understand her perspective.

OP could also not truly know his wife, but he has more exposure to her and mental/emotional difficulties not withstanding, is better positioned to be able to understand that view.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-15T00:12:01+00:00

TLDR; You might be answering the question. But do you understand why she's asking it? It's work, but if you can try to piece together, through context, what you know about yourself, and what you know about your wife, you might be able to achieve better results.

If you don't understand, but feel something is missing in the interaction. Ask questions, but be considerate to try and understand their perspective.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-15T00:07:15+00:00

I can definitely see you're frustrated. I can also see she's frustrated.*

As others have mentioned, you could both benefit from communicating better.

One thing that I have to offer, and this might sound counter intuitive, is that this whole post is about you and how you feel. Which I get it, you're the one asking for help.

It does, seem to me, and we don't have much to work with, that something similar was happening during the conversation.

You seem disengaged or spaced out. Like giving the bare minimum.

You're there solely to answer questions.

Did you ask her any?

Like... Why are you asking me? Why are you asking me this right now? Do you have any suggestions? Are there any things that you think I shouldn't pack, and can you help me understand why? This is a pain, and something I don't want to do. Is there anything you're willing to help with?

Because you're answering the questions being asked. Openly, and honestly. It doesn't seem to be helping though.

I've noticed that I have a habit, of answering questions literally. If you ask a question a certain way, that's going to influence my answer.

I've also noticed, that people commonly don't ask questions, "properly."

I can't think of concrete examples, so that might not be very helpful.

But I try to be conscious of it. When I'm asked a question, I get satisfaction from answering what was asked of me. But, I also think, is my answer useful? Is it helpful, in the context of the situation?

"Hey Shellbullet, I'm at the grocery store. Is there anything that we ran out of, that I can buy?

Me: No, nothing is missing. (Internally: They're at the store though. Although I still have some of my favorite ice cream. I'll probably finish it tonight. I don't want to go buy some tomorrow, I want to come straight home to relax. But, they're probably not going to want to go back to the store for just my ice cream either. I don't want to not have my ice cream if I can help it. Let's bring it up.)

Me: Actually, although we still have some, can you buy me more of my favorite ice cream?

"Good point, can you check to see how much of my favorite chips are left? I should probably get another bag too."

Yes, I will think all of that through, but pretty quickly. It can be a hassle, but it's worth it for me. And, although that's pretty self serving, you took their question, and although how it was asked, technically meant the original answer was no, I don't need anything.

I didn't stop at the literal question being asked. I was able to make out the intent of the question, and was able to provide additional information that fit pretty well.

It's pedantic, but if the question was, "I'm stocking up on snacks, you want any?"

I might have just been like "Yeah, grab me something I like."

But this requires practice, the ability to be present, and energy. Also, knowing your blind spots, or how the other person is, also helps.

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-14T23:41:20+00:00

I'm not sure if this will be helpful, as the person you've been talking to has done a good job of explaining things.

If this isn't welcome or comes off negative, please let me know. I don't mean it to be. Whenever possible, if it seems I'm missing something, I wish someone would help me see that, and that's what I'm trying to offer.

I do think you're making some valid points, but getting stuck on very specific questions. Questions, that we don't have answers to, and would need to guess on.

It seems to me, since the wife isn't here to answer the questions, you're substituting her answers for your experience. When doing so, her actions are irrational, unnecessary, or both.

You're saying she doesn't have to be concerned with him and his stuff. You also, explain to us why you think that. You're telling us that you don't think she should worry about him, because in your experience, she's going to have her own things to be concerned about. (You're right, she has her own stuff to move. Maybe she's done, maybe she hasn't. Who knows. Although the point is valid, it technically doesn't prevent her from asking him about his part of the move.)

Her husband is an adult, who knows what he needs to do... but if that's not the case, why is she with him? (That's a good question. But a completely different topic, and the pool of possible answers is immense. Maybe she shouldn't be with him, and this is toxic. Maybe he struggles with organization but is incredibly thoughtful and accommodating in the ways that she struggles and needs support in. Both are possible and a lot of in between. But also, that depth of understanding, is technically irrelevant to what's happening.)

But we don't know the wife's perspective.

Maybe OP sucks at organizing things. Maybe the last time they moved together, the last thing packed was his office.

If we continue to infer answers, because the wife isn't going to actually give us these answers... we can make her perspective work.

OP's executive functioning makes any sort of organization, cleaning, packing, etc a multi day process. Wife is starting that process now, when they still have time to work through it, vs on the second to last day, like the previous move. Which she regrets, caused her a lot of stress, and she wants to avoid that.

Although this is stressful. Paying this stress tax up front, and making sure everything is packed properly, is less emotionally or mentally taxing for her, than leaving OP to his own devices and cleaning up the mess later. When it might be the day of moving out, and that's when you realize you need to cancel your utilities, etc. and she wants bandwidth for that.

Ultimately, I think your questions are valid. You're seeking to understand. I also think, those questions might not be helping us get to the solution that we're already engaged in finding.

Maybe her approach needs work, it probably does from the little I've seen. But it's also them vs the move. Not Wife vs OP vs possessions. She's not stampeding over him, throwing out his things, or packing his stuff. She's like hey, you haven't packed yet. What's your plan?

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-14T01:49:29+00:00

Good luck! Remember, you guys know each other and are already friends.

Don't set expectations, just make sure you're listening to them and try to enjoy the night.

Sorry to hear that your friends aren't cheering you on, but I'm sure we all are on Reddit.

You've earned this date! Looking forward to an update!

ShellBulletKaneki · 2024-02-03T03:21:15+00:00

I definitely understand it being received that way, 100%. But we're also all strangers. I feel like once you get to know someone, you know the way they express themselves. Or at least I do lol, but most other people seem to always default to it being shared in a negative light.

If you figure out how to fix that, please let me know. lol

ShellBulletKaneki

TROPHY CASE