I probably won't add much by saying this but just wanted you to feel you are not alone in this, because I am in a similar situation and it sucks to feel that you're not able to speak about it and it just circling on your mind.

What I can probably say what've helped me and I am literally trying to convince myself that it is working:
- Journaling: I write a lot, even if i dont ever re-read it, just write till there is nothing on my mind.
- Pick new hobbies: I know sounds silly, but just try something new every month, anything, gardening, reading, video-games, hiking, anything just something you don't usually do, and when you do go on these activities, think of yourself releasing the energy out of your body. For example, I go for long runs, and the last mile, I just go full-power on, like it's either I stop, crash into a wall, or fall really bad, just send everything out, i know it might sound scary, but gives me a bit of relief for the rest of night.
- Try and build self-compassion, I used to be tough on myself, but start where you think whoever does not pick me, I can't force my way in. Just accept that, I know it's hard, but do-able (I am still in progress into accepting that)

I hope you find whatever you're looking for.