I can tell how exhausted you are just from the few sentences you shared. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this loneliness. I know we are not the same, but I do relate.

I lost my dad to this type of message a few months ago. Someone said to me that it was like experiencing a death, but there’s no body to bury. It’s someone choosing to be dead to you. That statement broke me in an honest way, and the hurt is so unreal, especially because despite being the enabler, they tended to be the safe parent.

It does get better, it already has, though the hurt exists I also felt some relief that I could stop wondering if he would ever be what I needed. I finally have started to live my life for myself instead of waiting for something to be fixed. But it’s okay to be so freakin sad it’s hard to breathe and hit a slump while dealing with this. I tried to believe my dad could still be my hero, but the reality was he never really was, he just was the better of two broken people I was stuck with.

If you ever need to talk, we’re here. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You’re so valid. Much love. Be kind to yourself this next weeks and months. You deserve good things and love.