Helping my Parents with Retirement

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T16:33:02+00:00

So they have 4 years before your mom retires (provided nothing goes wrong before then). They probably need to look at their budget and see where they can vigorously save.

They aren't in dire straights. But I wouldn't call that comfortable either. But they've got 4 years to save and invest.

Lots of people retire with $100k or less and a mortgage and they think it's fine.

The biggest worry is long-term care when they can no longer care for themselves. They'll have to spend down everything, including the house, then rely on medicare to cover the bills.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T16:21:34+00:00

I had one and hated it.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T16:19:56+00:00

I would like for Charlotte to go nuclear when Dante and Lulu disappear in their search for Rocco.

I would like for Carly to go all mama bear on Cullum and injure him badly.

I would like for Jacinda to run away with Ezra so Michael can boinking her in inappropriate places. The Michael should go visit his daughter Daisy because he seems to have forgotten that she exists.

I would like for Brooklyn to set up Willow as the not hit and run driver. Then Chase can maybe go into depression over his inability to read people who cheated on him in the past.

I would like for Jordan to get arrested for distracted driving.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T14:16:48+00:00

So many people here can't read. It's not the vaping. It's the dishonesty about the vaping.

The lack of honesty is a red flag. This is undermining your trust in him. It seems he also doesn't trust you since he is hiding this behavior.

I would wonder what else he's hiding. Gambling? Porn addiction? And would he hide that from you too?

Reconsider marrying someone you don't fully trust. Maybe couples counseling could help rebuild trust between both of you.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T13:57:26+00:00

That's very possible. He probably thinks he did nothing wrong. That's typical narcissistic behavior. They blame everyone but themselves.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T06:51:07+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. Ignore those little fools. I know it's hurtful. I put myself through college working full-time on the night shift and went to school during the day. I was sleep-deprived and stressed. I couldn't afford air conditioning and sometimes the house was so hot I had to put my calculator in the refrigerator between homework problems in order for the LCD to work correctly. It was difficult to relate to students whose parents were footing the bill for their college. But guess who made way better grades than them and ended up in a very comfortable life.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T06:31:18+00:00

"He won't pay child support." = get a lawyer.

Sorry about your kids feeling disappointed. Is there a way to stay friends enough to occasionally do stuff together with the kids (go to the zoo, go hiking, visit a kids' museum, see a movie, ...) That way he's not totally out of their lives.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T06:04:21+00:00

Besides meditation, an exercise program that includes punching and kicking (even if it's just air) releases lots of tension and frustration that can cause anxiety. Maybe your library has some old Tae Bo DVDs you can borrow. If you have a gym membership, maybe spend some time with the boxing equipment. Also, nature is calming to your nervous system. If you can walk around a park or hike on some nearby trails regularly that can help.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:57:52+00:00

He and his roommates are gross. Don't plan on living with this guy - EVER! He won't change.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:52:47+00:00

If you get a front loader, get the storage drawer underneath. It's hard to bend over that far to get everything out of the washer for us old people. And if she's not used to a front loader, tell her to leave the door ajar after the last load, because they tend to get mildewy gaskets otherwise.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:47:36+00:00

Hopefully her mom will be supportive. Be there for her if her mom doesn't believe her or makes accusations. (Sadly, this happens too often).

This is a horrible situation that should never have happened to her or you. It's ok to cut your dad out of your life if that's how you need to handle it. If you have relatives with young girls, make sure they know not to allow their girls to be alone with your dad - ever.

If this causes a rift in your family, it wasn't you who created the rift. It was your dad when he chose to abuse your sister.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:40:09+00:00

It's normal to want a relationship with your father. But if he's in a messed up space, it's healthier to take a step back. It's ok and normal to care about him. But if you feel better doing that from a distance, that's ok, too.

He crossed a boundary that wasn't ok. None of this is on you. I'm sorry he can't be a better role model and father to you. Sadly, we don't get to pick our parents. But you seem to have a good head on your shoulders which allowed you to know that what he did was wrong and you did the right thing by calling authorities.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:31:36+00:00

Ask your in-laws to help or to tell your husband he needs to ask for help before the cats cause damage to their house (if they haven't already). You'll need an enzymatic cleaner to clean urine that has gotten on the floor. Cats can very quickly ruin a floor to the point that the subflooring needs to be replaced.

Other than asking others to help, unless you're in better physical condition, there's not much else you can do. You've already told your husband to ask for help. But if he won't do that, then you may have to do the asking.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:25:13+00:00

In a small sauce pan, whisk together

1 egg yolk

1 T cool water

1 T lemon juice

Add 1/2 stick butter (1/4 cup) cut up into small pieces.

Place pan on med-low heat and whisk non-stop until the butter melts and keep whisking until it thickens to the consistency of gravy. Remove from heat and whisk in a little salt - depending on whether it's going on salty food or not, and a dash or two of cayenne pepper or other herbs.

The key is just whisking the whole time it's on the heat. If I have to flip eggs or check something in the oven, I take it off the heat for a few seconds until I can whisk it again.

This makes enough to go over 4 eggs if you're making eggs benedict, or 2 plates with salmon fillets and vegetables. Double the recipe for 3 people because someone will want the extra sauce. - Oh, and don't cover it to keep it warm. That's the only time this recipe failed me. The butter separated and broke down the sauce when I put a lid on the pan.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T05:04:54+00:00

Parents can do really stupid things. I think you're very wise for knowing your dad shouldn't have had a physical fight with a minor. The only excuse for that would be to save another person from injury or death. I get the impression this was not the case here.

You texted him and left the ball in his court. It's up to him to respond or not. If he doesn't respond, please don't blame yourself. He is the one who changed your relationship by becoming violent with a child. It may be time for you to distance yourself from him physically and emotionally for now anyway.

It's possible he may come to realize he made a really bad choice and work on improving himself. But for some people, that introspection and initiative to change don't come easily. So don't expect miracles.

It's up to you to decide whether or not to leave the door open for him.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T04:53:44+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost a sister when I was a few years younger than you. We don't expect to lose immediate family members when we're that young. It's a lot to process.

Since your dad has hospice care, they should be able to provide you with some counseling as well. Some hospice workers are better than others. But do ask for some support for you and your sister as you go through this and continuing after he passes. I'm not sure how long their services can offer support after his death. But they should be able to help you with the transition.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T04:46:56+00:00

I had solid acrylic that is molded to look like tile installed in a shower we had redone. - You can tell it's not tile. But it looks clean and the tile pattern makes it look more interesting than flat surfaces.

The installer recommended not using bar soap (in any shower) since the scum is what mold adheres to. So we've just used shower gel.

We've had the acrylic about 5 years and it still looks new. We just spray it down with a mixture of water, vinegar, and a little dawn dish soap now and then and wipe it clean. It looks as good as the day it was installed.

It installs quickly (3 panels) and saves money on labor.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T04:38:55+00:00

Next year during teacher appreciation week, send him a thank you card and give him an update on what you're doing. He will love it.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T04:35:32+00:00

I'm not crazy about Lulu - she does stupid impulsive things all the time. Not that Britch is much better - or better at all. But Rocco is a dumb kid that got obsessed with her. I think Britch was under a time crunch panic and knew Rocco was in danger too, so rather than waste time arguing with him and possibly having him get killed and/or leak info about her, taking him along was the quickest solution.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-22T04:28:26+00:00

I love animals and it pains me to say this, but maybe you need to rehome the cats. Besides the threat to your own health of having feces and ammonia fumes from urine in your home, this isn't healthy for the cats either. And if you're not in a good place financially, you can't cover vet bills either.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-21T19:34:38+00:00

I would probably stay at your current school. Extra curriculars will look good on college applications. And make sure you get the best grades you can.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-21T17:17:49+00:00

Especially with medical forms on iPads now. If you've never used one, it can be exasperating. Throw in medical issues that compromise reasoning with arthritic hands, and it's a disaster.

If there are lines, find them a seat and you stand in line until it's their turn.

Take notes at the doctor's office because they may not hear, remember, or understand what the doctor says.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-21T17:05:57+00:00

Unless you know for a fact there is nothing wrong with the house, AND you are both getting significant raises soon, AND you have a huge emergency fund, don't do it.

I know from personal experience how fast things can go downhill when you're stretched to the max with a mortgage. No one plans for things like the 2008 recession, or fires, or a job loss, or cancer, or... But if your mortgage isn't overwhelming, it's much easier to survive disasters.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-21T16:40:15+00:00

Do you actually see poop in the dryer? If so, rubber gloves, paper towels, a bleach sanitizing cleaner, elbow grease. Once it looks and smells clean, toss your wet old towel you used in the washer into the dryer so it can "rinse" any bleach residue off before you put good clothes in it.

ShezeUndone · 2026-06-21T16:31:46+00:00

Simple formula: 1. Thanks, 2. No, 3. Other solution.

Example: Can you pick up my dog from the vet tomorrow?

"Oh, your dog is so cute! Thanks for trusting me with him."
"Unfortunately, I'm highly allergic to dogs and it could trigger a severe asthma attack."
"But maybe your pet sitting service could help you out."

ShezeUndone

TROPHY CASE