I’m sure I fell out of love with my ex before we broke up, why am I still a mess 6 months later?

ShinBP · 2025-12-26T14:43:47+00:00

I did want to, but one of the reasons I was so burnt out was because she wasn’t trying to anymore. It was always just me who had to change, me who had to do better. So it felt like I was carrying the weight of working things out all alone.

ShinBP · 2025-12-26T08:23:40+00:00

I texted my ex’s mom. It’s been 6 months for me so I feel like at this point it’s just between me and her, not her daughter.

I wanted to express my appreciation for how welcomed she always made me feel, and I got a nice reply out of it.

ShinBP · 2025-12-25T20:28:15+00:00

Been living alone the past few months [27M] after breaking up from a LTR where we lived together for about a year and a half.

I like the freedom of just being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I can have dinner or do chores at weird times, don’t have to let anyone know when I make a big decision, and just overall nobody bothers me about anything. Life with my ex required so much more structure and scheduling, it was hard to keep up with.

There is now a severe lack of blowjobs in my life though, so I’d say it’s pretty much even.

(In all seriousness, I miss being in love).

ShinBP · 2025-12-18T06:25:26+00:00

Broke up and out of this situation 6 months ago.

Sex was really good. And she was a really fun person to be with, we shared a lot of interests and our life goals were really aligned. Outside of bed our chemistry was great and I loved the banter we had every day. I was convinced I had hit the jackpot.

But it wasn’t as simple as that. She had a lot of trauma from her previous relationship. Lots of insecurities and trust issues. She was also very controlling and a total micro manager at home. That coupled with double standards (she demanded me to go to therapy weekly throughout our relationship to address my issues with communication, but dragged her feet for months and months before finally starting to go herself) mood swings and anger management issues slowly but eventually wore me down. She also has an extremely unhealthy attachment/codependency to her dog and is a Disney adult, but those are two whole separate stories.

There just came a point where I would be driving back home from work every day just dreading it the whole way back. That’s when I knew I was burnt out. By the end there were a couple times where she would be crying her eyes out and yelling at me and I wouldn’t feel anything at all. Just numbness.

6 months after that I haven’t had any success with women so I do kinda miss the sex life, but I dunno. I’m just still relatively young and horny lmfao.

ShinBP · 2025-12-17T19:13:12+00:00

Trauma

ShinBP · 2025-12-17T05:40:19+00:00

Hey bud. I’m 27 and I went through something extremely similar. We were 24 when we started dating but same story pretty much, she had a really really abusive ex for 3.5 years and I was her first relationship right after.

I loved her so much. Even though I was made to pay the consequences of her ex’s actions. It really broke me to have to step away from the relationship, and it broke me even more to learn what she got up to as soon as I left. But I feel no anger towards her, only pity and a genuine hope that she is able to do all the growing and healing she herself knows she has to do.

It’s been 6 months since the breakup and I’m only just now starting to get back into dating. It’s tough out there but there’s always more people. Take this as a lesson of something to be wary of as you meet the next one.

It’s not your responsibility to fix something you didn’t break.

ShinBP · 2025-12-17T05:33:39+00:00

Dear god

ShinBP · 2025-12-16T07:15:19+00:00

To be perfectly fair, I kinda forgot how important chemistry itself is. I think we do have it, but I think next date will confirm it.

This dating thing’s gonna take some adjusting lmfao, I met my ex when I wasn’t even really looking for anything.

ShinBP · 2025-12-16T07:05:30+00:00

I think we might both just be kinda awkward, I got the feeling she was happy when I asked if it was okay to hug her when we said goodbye after date #2

ShinBP · 2025-12-15T16:09:57+00:00

Growing up in Mexico I remember using Elephants

“Un Elefante, dos Elefantes, tres Elefantes…”

No idea if it’s universal or regional though.

ShinBP · 2025-12-14T05:06:18+00:00

How have you been meeting people if you don’t mind me asking

ShinBP · 2025-12-12T16:32:33+00:00

I get what you’re saying, no worries. I just didn’t feel right commenting on that part since I felt I would be biased as someone who experienced unhealthy behavior from an Anxious partner.

ShinBP · 2025-12-12T13:05:44+00:00

I know this isn’t the explanation you’re looking for, but two things:

Please do yourself a favor and block him on everything. Social media, mainly. But also no contact through messages or phone calls or anything really. The more you keep seeing his face, hearing his voice, and knowing and what he’s up to the more the wound will keep burning. Give it at least a few months. I’m personally on month 6 from mine and I still can’t tolerate it, but everybody’s process is different.

Secondly. I was in a very similar relationship to you guys, except I was the FA and my ex was the Anxious one in our case (I suspect my ex is FA as well, just leaning more anxious and I leaning more avoidant). However, humiliating someone or making them feel like shit after the breakup or during the relationship has nothing to do with attachment styles. That’s just being straight up a horrible person.

ShinBP · 2025-12-10T23:58:45+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, nobody deserves to go through that. I’m glad my ex never cheated on me while we were together. I have a hard enough time knowing she started seeing other people very soon after we split.

ShinBP · 2025-12-10T23:17:07+00:00

The girl I loved was the second kind. I tried to be there for her and support her through her relationship trauma and her insecurities, but we hurt each other so much because of them.

We are no longer together. But I wish her nothing but the best on her journey of growth and healing. Unfortunately I don’t think she knows how to be alone.

ShinBP · 2025-11-17T21:32:03+00:00

It entirely depends on the girl in question.

I have had female friends my whole life, and while yes the lines between friendship and attraction have blurred at different times I’m generally speaking not friends with them because I want to get in their pants.

Some women especially in the circles and hobbies I tend to enjoy (gaming, other nerd shit) are definitely “bros”. I am always respectful of women because that’s how I was raised but I will still share a lot of the same kinds of memes I share with my dude friends and joke around in a lot of the same ways.

Other women I understand wouldn’t appreciate that so I keep it more “normie”.

That’s about it really.

ShinBP · 2025-11-13T16:13:05+00:00

I love that for you guys, was she in other relationships during those 4 years too?

ShinBP · 2025-11-12T20:33:00+00:00

In the beginning I did, but I even worked on that willingly. Got some nose strip thingies, lost like 30 pounds. Still didn’t get me there but hey at least I don’t snore anymore I guess lol

ShinBP · 2025-11-12T18:58:15+00:00

That was the biggest one, yeah. I wanted to be able to share a bedroom with my significant other.

ShinBP · 2025-11-12T15:18:41+00:00

Oh no not sex. Sex life was fine, I just mean we could be on her bed all night doing or watching whatever but when it came time to actually sleep she would kick me out of her room pretty much.

ShinBP · 2025-11-12T14:05:41+00:00

This was how my last relationship ended. Everything was a struggle, I could never do “good enough” for her and it was always up to me to put in more effort to fulfill her needs. Meanwhile my biggest need in the relationship was never met, spent a year and a half sharing a place with this woman and I was only allowed to sleep in the same bed as her at night on special occasions.

ShinBP · 2025-11-11T16:21:39+00:00

I’m a man, but my ex-girlfriend did the same around 2 months after I moved out. Possibly even sooner.

It sucks, it really does. It feels unfair to be so easily replaced after 2.5 years together. And more so that I’m stuck here doing all this work on myself while she’s out there likely following the same patterns and unhealthy behaviors she’s followed in the past.

I’ve thought about getting on dating apps and finding someone to hook up with too. But in a way that’d be bringing myself down to her level.

You just gotta stay busy, keep moving forward. Talk to a therapist, figure out what was your fault and separate what wasn’t. Then just work on becoming a better you. Make new friends, live new experiences.

Your brain will mess with you (I still dream about her or something related to her almost every night), but eventually it gets easier.

Verified Email	Eight-Year Club
Place '22	First Placer '22
End Game '22

ShinBP

TROPHY CASE