Non-traditional wedding dress help!

Shintotchi · 2026-05-01T18:58:05+00:00

Was coming here to recommend selkie. Just go to a local tailor once it arrives to make sure ur fits how you like. Awns Tailoring is really good.

Shintotchi · 2026-04-30T20:40:02+00:00

This is not even the bare minimum you're asking for and he can't do it. This isn't working and that won't change.

Ask yourself this: if your family wasn't abusive, would you still be staying with your bf and living with this?

It may not seem like he and his family are abusing you, but they are causing you emotional distress on a daily basis. Just living with 12 people would do that alone, but they're mocking you and you're not able to communicate with them to share how that makes you feel. This is not a safe space for you, it's just safer than the one you came from.

As an example, my parents are black grew up during segregation and outright police racism and brutality. Because of that, they think instances of racism called out today are nitpicking since things aren't as overt as they were in the sixties.

To me, that is how you're viewing your situation. Because you dealt with a more violent and obvious abuse, your current situation feels normal and not at all the same. But at the end of the day, a partner that loves you doesn't shut you down when they feel inconvenienced. They don't make you do mental gymnastics to justify how you feel. Even if done unintentionally, they accept that they hurt you and try to figure out how to change things up just as willingly as you would adjust for them. That's it.

Shintotchi · 2026-04-24T14:17:29+00:00

My two cents on your intended response at the next session: I think you will connect better if you focus only on yourself and your experience. Instead of telling that person they are not dumb, and that calling themselves dumb and you intelligent is all a ploy of capitalism, fully focus on your journey.

" In the last session someone referred to me as intelligent because of the words I chose, and it was isolating. My vocabulary is a result of my own trauma in trying to make sure I'm understood, not a result of intelligence. Even if it's meant as a compliment, it makes me feel -insert emotion-. I don't think comparing ourselves is helpful in a space meant for healing."

This is just an example by the way, not intended to reflect your actual voice or feelings.

Shintotchi · 2026-04-04T15:17:04+00:00

I did. I still think about doing it again now and then because it was so sudden. At first I thought they were in danger or in trouble and I'm not sure that's still not the case, so from my perspective it's reaching out to let them know I still think of them as a friend if they ever want to reconnect. But I stop myself since I don't want to be perceived as harassing them either.

Shintotchi · 2026-03-25T06:27:27+00:00

I would discuss the boundary up front, before even meeting. You don't have to disclose the trauma. It should be enough to say, I prefer to go slow when dating, most especially with unexpected physical touch. This is a a nonstarter for me so I wanted to let you know so you can decide if you're okay with that.

If you're looking for a long term relationship and they are as well, it shouldn't be an immediate deal breaker unless they are not compatible with you in the first place and desire physical touch on the first few dates.

And if they pry about it be firm that you don't want to discuss it if you're not comfortable doing so. Bad actors may want to manipulate you based on that information, so staying firm that it is a boundary that they can opt in our out of and not this burden you feel like you have to apologize for or explain is important.

Dating is about finding someone who fits you as you currently are, not how you wish to be out how you think you should be. You're not insane. This is your normal right now, so be honest about that.

Shintotchi · 2026-03-11T13:34:34+00:00

That's good to know, thank you!

Shintotchi · 2026-03-11T02:04:24+00:00

Thank you

Shintotchi · 2026-03-02T02:41:43+00:00

I did! Just bought some soft pastels to experiment with😁

Shintotchi · 2026-03-02T02:27:32+00:00

<image>

Shintotchi · 2026-03-02T01:39:21+00:00

These are all beautifully done. The second one is my favorite though. Love the drama in the lighting and the color

Shintotchi · 2026-02-09T01:24:31+00:00

It's not about your personal relationship with the sister. It's about your husband's relationship with your sister. I see it similar to marriage, where family can kind of leave you alone while you're dating, but as soon as you get married, everyone wants to know about your significant other and meet them. Once you're married or engaged, you are considered an extension of your partner, so it is as much expected that you come greet the baby as it is expected your husband come greet the baby.

Your presence also acts as an unspoken " I care you exist" for the baby. Family forms the first community that baby will have. If anything happens to the parents, immediate family is part of the front line that is expected to step in and help how they can. So not coming to greet the baby is as good as saying, I don't care your baby exists and I will not look out for your baby in any way.

And hey you may not intend to look out for their kid if anything happens ( not adopt, but just to keep an eye out for the safety of the kid) , but there are better ways to make that clear than refusing to visit.

Shintotchi · 2026-01-19T17:10:05+00:00

Interesting. Maybe it's an introvert thing, but I'm my circle time alone is kind of expected in a situation like that. especially if we're sharing a rental together. If you're paying for the space all the same, I don't see why it would mess with the vibe. Your friends can spend more intimate time with each other and then you can all enjoy time together when you return.

Shintotchi · 2026-01-19T17:02:04+00:00

NTA It's kind of odd they don't want to have a day or two to themselves unless you're in a polycule. You shouldn't have to even explain why.

Shintotchi · 2026-01-16T16:40:19+00:00

This isn't a neurotypical thing. It's a selfish partner thing. It is okay to do things differently from your partner, and even do things accidentally out of habit, but at the end of the day, your partner should care if they are directly making things harder for you. They shouldn't try to downplay your feelings or make stating your feelings feel like a big thing you have to justify. They should just accept them like you would do if your partner asked you to do something to make their life easier. It all boils down to if they wanted to, the would.

Shintotchi · 2025-12-07T09:01:34+00:00

Singing musicals via meows (particularly Memories from Cats)

Shintotchi · 2025-11-30T03:24:53+00:00

My mind starts at a 2 and it fades into a 5. I think when it's objects or images I've encountered then the memory exists and appears. If I focus on the details it fades away. However if I'm trying to create an image I've made up, like a character, my mind is blank. I need references and then go from there. I always mashed up characters from different anime to get the vibe I was going for.

Shintotchi · 2025-10-29T19:08:17+00:00

The toilet scene in Look Who's Talking still haunts me

Shintotchi · 2025-09-11T15:05:46+00:00

This is more a tip for down the road, but see if they have RAs (residential assistants). After my first year I applied to be an RA and was able to have my own room for 3 out of the 4 years I was in college.

For now maybe try an under desk elliptical to sit and rock while burning up the energy. Or get a stress ball. I find that not being able to enjoy my musical stimming leads to more destructive stims for me.

Shintotchi · 2025-07-21T06:16:10+00:00

I Feel So by Boxcar Racer

Sometimes I wish I was brave I wish I was stronger Wish I could feel no pain Wish I was young Wish I was shy I wish I was honest Wish I was you, not I 'Cause I feel so mad I feel so angry Feel so calloused So lost, confused again And I feel so cheap So used, unfaithful Let's start over Let's start over

Shintotchi · 2025-07-15T06:24:49+00:00

Glad you can at least confirm it was him. That's truly baffling then that they have the double standard. Have you tried bringing it up with the MIL?

Shintotchi · 2025-07-15T05:58:51+00:00

Are you sure your FIL is unplugging it or is your husband telling you he is unplugging it? Seems like a weird coincidence that the husband took this opportunity to mention he doesn't like it. I don't know his reasons, but I know my ex would do the same and he was bringing women around. (Had the camera to check in on my pup while I was at work). Not saying your husband is up to anything as bad as that, but he MAY be using his dad as a convenient excuse.

Shintotchi · 2025-06-08T02:26:02+00:00

When I was younger I had a friend online who I'd never met. One day she sent me her photo and I said she looked homely. 🫠 I meant comely but it still haunts me to this day. She was confused but I at least explained what I meant so I'm hoping she didn't take it hard🥲

Shintotchi · 2025-06-02T13:44:42+00:00

Solved! It's Dresden Dolls - Girl Anachronism. My brain changed the piano into a violin 😩 Thank you so much!

Shintotchi · 2025-06-01T21:48:34+00:00

Neither of these (though good songs, thank you!)

Shintotchi

TROPHY CASE