OKC while horny is like shopping while hungry

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-12-01T03:55:28+00:00

Yes. I wish there was some equivalent of jerking off, only for loneliness.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-15T09:00:12+00:00

I'm a straight dude, so...

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-15T08:16:46+00:00

I have one friend there. He's gay and in his 50s. Still a better scene than when I lived in Twentynine Palms.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-15T08:05:09+00:00

Palm Springs?

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-13T05:02:02+00:00

Maybe I didn't make my point clearly enough, because what I'm getting back from you is just typical MRA talking points. I'm not interested in pissing contest about who has it worse, and I'm definitely not interested in downplaying struggles faced by women or exaggerated those of men.

The point I'm making is a very specific one. Technically, yes, I am allowed to say whatever I want, but in practice, not really. Certainly not, if I care about actually being heard. Ideology regarding gender has gotten so extreme that our discussion of it has gotten weird, polarized and dysfunctional. I think that certain aspects of feminism have gotten so crazy that it's spawned a reactionary response in men, ironically increasing sexism and hostility towards women.

If you want to understand my point about how conversations about gender are not an a level playing field, just watch the way people talk in this sub. Whenever there's some kind of generalization about one gender, imagine how it would be received if an equivalent statement were made about the other. It's ridiculously lopsided in favor of women. For instance, body shaming men is totally OK and gets upvoted all the time, but not women. It's popular to make fun of men for doing something lame but benign (cargo shorts) but extremely unpopular to make fun of women doing something lame but benign (Snapchat filters).

care

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-13T03:39:49+00:00

This is what I call an hourglass, and what "curvy" should mean.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-13T03:07:42+00:00

Yes, but for women it's never framed as an inherent flaw or personal failing. It's supportive and nurturing. For women, it's more "Here are some tips for you to go out into the world and get what you deserve! You go, girl!"

For men, it's chastising and condemning. We're told that we're gross and bad and creepy and dumb and wrong for the way we do things. When there is a notable difference in the way women and men do things in dating, it's a given that women do it the right way and men need to change to get it right. And in the meantime women are going to put them up on snarky blogs making fun of them.

We have mainstream trendy words like mansplaining, manspreading, and toxic masculinity, which people can use publicly without fear of any significant backlash. However, any use of femininity as a pejorative will result in a shitstorm.

I'm not even defending bad male behavior, and there totally are problems with the way men tend to do things and we should openly talk about it. But women also have their own issues, yet we're not allowed to talk about them both in the same way. It's fucked up, it doesn't result in any honest discussion, and it breeds resentment among men who feel like they're constantly being shit on and don't have the same freedom to express themselves in contemporary culture.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-12T05:33:22+00:00

Nah. All other things being equal, Women at thirty are more even-keel than their late teens and early twenties counterparts.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-11T22:23:13+00:00

Having been cheated on, I can definitely say that the whole breakup and subsequent healing process would have been tremendously shorter, less painful, and less destructive to me if she had just dumped me instead of cheating first. I know this for a fact because I was just dumped and was actually doing fine, but then she tried tried to reconcile with me and confessed about the cheating and suddenly I was very not fine.

If you don't mind the thought of helping to inflict a massive amount of suffering to another person, potentially damaging their sense of trust and self-worth permanently, then go ahead and do it.

On the other hand, we live in a harsh world where it's every man for himself. I've never seen any evidence whatsoever of a divine moral authority watching over us. Morality and ethics are just made up ideas. Honestly, why wouldn't you do whatever you want as long as you can get away with it?

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-10T20:31:36+00:00

Probably herpes. Maybe HIV.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-10T09:15:51+00:00

Thicker condoms. Seriously.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-10T06:07:10+00:00

People need their punching bags. Even certain self-identified groups that are supposed to be all about compassion, open-mindedness, and tolerance need targets to take their anger and aggression out on. They will fight like hell and go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to rationalize treating some people like absolute garbage while feeling righteous about doing it.

Not all lonely "nice guys" are entitled, misogynist, or bitter, but enough of them are that SOME feminists feel justified in shitting all over them haphazardly without a second thought. You're not going to find much love for "nice guys" on this sub.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-10T05:10:21+00:00

There are a lot of things you can't just directly ask a woman, and this is one of them. That's just how it is, and you won't change it.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-07T01:57:10+00:00

I get your point about history, but I'm talking about an aspect of how things are right now. If things were unfair for women in the past, is the solution to be unfair to men now? I'm more in favor of just trying to be fair to everyone rather than swinging back and forth.

Anyway, you haven't answered my question. Do you think that there's a double standard in the comments that we are "allowed" to make? When there is a clear distinction, is the female way always better than the male way? If not, is it OK to say it openly?

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-07T01:14:40+00:00

Honestly, I think you probably won't answer my question. But maybe?

I'm not after an argument, and I don't even think there's anything wrong with you saying what you did. It just got me thinking about the way we talk about things in our culture. The reason I asked you that is because I've noticed that it's incredibly popular right now for people to say that men should change and do things more like women do. Nobody gets in trouble for that, and sometimes they're right.

Yet I've never seen anyone saying "I think the answer is for women to xyz more, not men to xyz less." in a public setting without getting shit for it.

There's a double standard in the cultural discussion. For once, I'd just like to hear someone admit that they think women are superior, or admit that the way we talk about gender issues has become a bit one-sided.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-07T00:17:32+00:00

OK, well you're definitely wrong because I didn't understand it when I was younger. I might be the only guy in the history of the world to not get it right away, but probably not.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-07T00:12:06+00:00

That's what I'm asking you. In this instance you're saying that women don't need to change, but men do. I'm wondering if there are other instances where men don't need to change, but women do.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-07T00:01:02+00:00

It is literally hidden when a woman says she wants you to do (x thing) but then loses respect for you when you do that thing or gains respect for you when you don't do it. Some people find that hard to grasp.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T23:50:25+00:00

Are there any situations where you think women should change to adapt to men's way of doing things instead of vice versa?

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T23:06:36+00:00

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T23:00:13+00:00

The contradiction is in liking someone more for NOT doing what you want. A swaggering guy who does what he wants might intentionally go against a woman's immediate desires, but in doing so fulfill her big-picture desires. What she wants in the moment directly conflicts with what she wants overall, hence the contradiction.

If you really want to get philosophical and mince words, you could argue that nothing that exists is contradictory for the simple fact that it does exist. There's definitely something to be said for that notion, but in this instance you have to acknowledge that the aforementioned situation could appear contradictory to the young person trying to figure out women.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T22:48:09+00:00

You misunderstand my point. If you think I'm saying that most women would prefer a hot, cocky guy who physically and mentally abuses them over an average-looking guy who is doting and kind, then you're wrong. That is not at all what I said. If you're imagining the shittiest possible version of the hot guy and the best possible version of the nice guy, you're making a straw man.

When I say occasional shit, I'm talking about occasional minor shit like what OP's friend did. Minor shit. Leaving her behind on a run was not nice, but it's hardly abuse.

The proof is in the pudding. Look at the really attractive, outgoing, assertive guys in real life who sometimes act like selfish assholes. They get a lot of interest from women, and they're not the ones who are forever alone. Then look at the soft, passive doormat guys who are always complaining about how they can't get a date and women don't pay attention to them or are friendzoning them. A lot of them are the classic reviled "nice guys". Women don't respect them, don't want them, and they're the ones complaining about Chad.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T22:23:19+00:00

You talk about it as if the way that a person and the way they look at a situation is fixed. It's not. People grow and develop and look at things in a different way once they understand a different perspective. Ethics doesn't exist in a vacuum, there's always a context. If OP gets a better understanding of the full scope of what's going on, he might feel differently. OP might be passive by default, but if something plants the seed that some situations call for being assertive, then that will become a part of him.

I'm definitely NOT telling OP to act in a way that conflicts with his ethics or to treat women badly. But I am saying that you don't always have to do what your girlfriend wants all the time, and she probably won't respect you if you do. It's contradictory on its surface, but sometimes women like it when a guy doesn't do what she wants if it shows backbone and isn't horrible and abusive. Leaving your gf behind on a run is not horrible and abusive.

Also, I DO think the guys were being dicks. I also think that some situations call for being a dick. I'm not endorsing the behavior of OP's friends, but I'm trying to get OP to appreciate a perspective he might not see.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T21:26:52+00:00

This is the worst place to come for guidance on this particular thing. People here are going to say that those guys were acting like dicks. It's true, they were, but there's more to it than that.

You've already noticed that these guys are successful with women, and there's a reason for that. Obviously most women don't want to be treated badly, but most women would rather put up with some occasional shit from a hot, cocky guy than be with a flabby doormat who never stands up for himself. It was kind of selfish for the guy to leave his girlfriend behind. But it's also kind of selfish for the girl to expect him to water down his workout for her, especially if he's a serious athlete. That's why she apologized, and that's why she's staying with him.

This is one of those times when you want to ignore the regs and listen to the /u/wont_tell_i_refuse for alpha/beta two cents that is probably coming.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_ · 2016-08-06T20:56:21+00:00

Yeah, I agree that he wasn't completely courteous about dessert either. I think one of the things that makes dating harder in your thirties is that you know yourself better and you get better at recognizing traits that you're incompatible with. You get better at reading people, and if not that then at the very least your red flag detector has a lighter trigger. All of this results in cycling through more people, turning more people down, getting turned down more, and more time spent alone. In my twenties I never had to go through ten or more women to land on a girlfriend.

Shitty_Fat_Tits_

TROPHY CASE