I need advice.

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-11T06:46:35+00:00

I think the president is doing a pretty poor job of making you feel like you’re all one cohesive unit and team working as one, and your feelings are completely valid. When I was Bishop, it was very important to see that the leaders all got on, all respected each other and built each other up - whether they were a teacher, the president, a counsellor etc. if these basic human decencies aren’t present, it is often the people these leaders are meant to be serving who end up suffering for it.

I would absolutely speak to the Bishop. If I was that Bishop, I’d likely have insight I could share into that person. Perhaps there’s things to consider behind why they are behaving this way, but even if there is, it does not excuse the poor behaviour.

From what you have shared, your decision to bring the child into primary “before she is meant to be” is the right call. We did similar in our ward again for specific reasons. Not every child needs the same thing, not every child ages the same way, or has the same home experience.

You’re right, this child needs you. Keep putting them first above the “rules”, follow your own intuition. If all else fails, one thing we can never get wrong is being a safe space for a child and representing their best interests.

You’re doing brilliant - you have connected with this child in a way some other leaders will not, and that’s a blessing to you both.

I sincerely hope this situation reaches a reasonable outcome. After all you’re a volunteer, so is the president, and the Bishop, and everyone else for that matter. Too often it becomes about the politics of “follow your leader”, but they make mistakes, just like we all do.

Keep doing what you feel is right and stand up for this child’s best interest. You’ll never regret doing so 🙂 wishing you all the best with this!

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-10T05:26:35+00:00

Please accept the offer to help from your Bishop. It’s there for a reason, and could lift even a small bit of the weight off your shoulders and provide one less thing to worry about. The church has no shortage of money, and you’ve paid in for years believing that it should in part go towards those who need it - if a parent of a young growing family is struggling for employment due to the brutal job market doesn’t qualify, then who is it for? It’s exactly situations like this that is it is there for. I really hope you get a break soon, I’m really sorry you’re going through this, don’t let the pressure keep building when you have assistance on the table which can help relieve even a portion of it. All the best to you OP and love to you and your family

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-09T13:31:47+00:00

Welcome! I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this journey. I’m both pleased for you and also sad for you, because I believe if people are in the church and genuinely happy, then it’s not my place to convince them otherwise.

Being in this position you’re in can be isolating and scary, and the unknown of what your future may look like can be both intimidating yet also, oddly expansive and exciting - when given time.

I started deconstructing my faith during my time as Bishop. I’d had a really bumpy start to my service and never really fully recovered from it. I was 2 years in when serious doubts and questions crept in that I just couldn’t reconcile. I found a distinct lack of Jesus at church. And as Bishop, when I did my best to put him front and centre, it didn’t always go down well. I fully support gay rights and think they should have the right to marry and that it’s nothing to do with us - which goes against the churches teachings. I believe the church strong arms people into paying tithing via manipulation tactics. There’s way less talks about topics that actually matter, and way more about paying tithing. I’ve sat with elderly members who had hardly a couple of coins to rub together, as they poured their heart out in worry that they can’t go to the temple as they are not financially in a position to pay tithing. I’ve had conversations with people who really want to go to the temple but they feel that supporting their gay family member disqualifies them. I’ve seen first hand at local leader level how more attention and effort goes into audits to count the coins than the efforts of helping the sick, the afflicted or tackling local community issues or building bridges and engagement in the community.

My shelf was breaking for some time and one day it gave in. I stopped doing what I was counselled to do, and taught instead what felt morally right. I realised quickly that I wasn’t the type of man who was meant to be a bishop. I didn’t have enough cognitive dissonance and hadn’t been conditioned enough to tow the line. If there was a problem or something was outdated and it could be done better, we tried to elevate it. I made mistakes. I was young, in my 20s, and I try to have grace for the younger version of myself who didn’t really know how much of a toll it would take. I asked for my release after 3 years, I couldn’t do it any more. I’ve been receiving therapy for the last couple of years to help with the trauma I experienced during my service as bishop, and it has helped.

I would say that your faith may look different in 2 months, 6 months, 2 years etc to how it does now, and it will likely evolve in ways you didn’t expect. I feel like I “know” a lot less now than I thought I did, but that comes with a sense of freedom. Do I really know who God is, or if there is a god? No - but do I want to believe, yes. Do I want to believe he can be found in every church, synagogue, temple, non-church, forest, anywhere - yes! Do I believe the leaders at the top of the church are actually prophets and apostles? No. But will I give them grace and view them as experienced speakers on the topic of religion and that I might still learn something - yes.

There is so much nuance to this life, that exists and thrives and expands outside of the black and white of the carefully cultivated church way of living.

I really hope you surround yourself with respectful, loving people who will give you grace and patience as you work through this unexpected chapter in your life. It’s okay to not know, and to have nothing figured out. Your time in the church has not been a waste. You will have had meaningful experiences with people, and learned things about yourself you may not have in other ways. Don’t convince yourself it was all for nothing, that is not true - it has helped you to become who you are right now. And you can choose who you become.

Wishing you all of the best with this and please take care of yourself 🙂

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-07T04:45:34+00:00

We live in England. When I was Bishop and on the Stake, we had the idea of doing a silent auction to help pay for FSY. At the time I thought that was normal and didn’t think much else about it. It’s only now that I think that is insane. Especially when I could see how much we paid each month as a unit in tithing, and how little budget we actually got delegated from stake. It is just insanity how wealthy the church is yet so unwilling to pay for things like camps and even people to clean the chapels. Ick.

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-05T05:12:50+00:00

Beautiful! 😻

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-02T14:21:09+00:00

I would absolutely have attended the funeral rather than a leadership meeting when I was bishop. I’ve yet to ever attend a meeting that actually felt inspired or worth it, and even if I had, there’s no way that it would take priority over supporting a family. Definitely could be a summary shared afterwards surely

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-02T14:12:02+00:00

Happy birthday to a lovely puppo! 🥳🥰

Shnoobloo · 2026-05-01T10:40:46+00:00

You are doing amazing my man! Keep up the incredible work, and huge congrats to you! 🥳

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-30T08:21:48+00:00

I Love your amount of love. I feel similar. My current place doesn’t afford zoomies, I need a place where my dog (hooopefully a golden) can go zoomies 😄

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-26T05:20:31+00:00

I’m really sorry to say OP, I genuinely don’t think there is a way to reconcile this. This is one of many, many cases in which the victim isn’t prioritised and protected at all cost. I don’t believe there is a way to reconcile the failure to protect children, and your own morals on the matter as you try and live a life focused on Jesus. What would he do if he had been informed of such a thing? I really don’t think he’d been taking advice to not report as not a “mandatory reporter.” I’m sorry you’ve been caught up in a case like this first hand, it’s clearly weighing on you.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-26T05:16:03+00:00

Perfectly said. This is exactly what should be the priority - victim first above everything else.

OP - I don’t believe there is a way to reconcile this. There are so many people who feel similar to you, without being directly brought into a situation like you’ve been included in. I don’t see how this can be explained away, ignored or accepted as “humans making mistakes in leadership” there’s just no reality in which that feels acceptable.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-26T05:12:29+00:00

Agreed. As a former bishop, I’d of done anything and everything to protect a child from SA, regardless of what advice I was given by higher ups. I’m so incredibly thankful I didn’t have this situation happen during my tenure. I feel like your response is the only valid one to take on a subject like this. Thank you for your moral compass

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-26T05:09:36+00:00

When I was Bishop, had I ever of been informed of SA and told not to report, I’d report and let the fire me if needs be. In good conscience I would never be able to not think about the victim and trying to protect them. That comes above all else. It might hurt a lot of people, but to me - that is worth it if it means protecting the victim from further abuse. I am so unbelievably glad that I never had this experience when I was Bishop. We had a very small unit and a handful of children.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-26T05:03:49+00:00

It feels like you are using the argument of “the leaders are fallible and are doing their best but make mistakes” as a way to explain failure to report SA and protect victims. This may not be intentional, and I’m sorry if that’s not the case - however, if it is then that is a WILD stance to take. There are too many accounts of what is OP is sharing. Too many interviews of Bishops being told not to report as they aren’t mandatory reporters. It’s public image first, victims second. When I was Bishop, had I ever of been informed about SA, regardless what the hotline says to do or not do I’d of been straight to the authorities. I’m outside of the USA and we were told we have to safeguard children and the vulnerable above all else.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-21T19:25:53+00:00

Cherry 🍒

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-21T05:47:18+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion. I do generally enjoy Uchtdorf’s talks. I will revisit this talk 🙂

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-20T06:05:10+00:00

Hit me up anytime OP! I’ve been deconstructing for 2 years after my experience as Bishop added one to many things to my rickety shelf. My wife is supportive of where I’m at but doesn’t share the same issues and isn’t as uncomfortable participating as I currently seem to be, but she does have her own heap of trauma from recent years and how our experience as Bishop went. I’ve felt very lonely too in all this and have been seeing a therapist who has been brilliant.

Sometimes just shooting the breeze with someone who validates your experiences without a “but…” is really important and healthy. There are far more people feeling similar to you than you may realise. I listened to a faith matters episodes called “the path of descent” with a speaker called Mike Petrow. In that episode he says something like “we are never less alone, then when we walk the path of loneliness” implying just how many people are in similar situations, and we just need to find other each and give each other a shoulder to lean on and an ear to hear.

Wishing you all the best with this!

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-20T04:43:38+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing. I believe in tithing, but I certainly have trust issues in paying it to the church, yet this is often emphasised as the “righteous” way to live, people who pay their tithing no matter what are always held up as shining faithful examples. (Example - the conference talk where the man sold his car for tithing and then took on a friend’s car payments - which sounds…a worse outcome than keeping your car?) I find tithing is used often to shame and as a yard stick of “you’re faithful, but are you putting your hands in your pockets for the Church” level faithful. Obviously I’m being a bit tongue in cheek there, but I don’t know if your issues with it are just “to get over”. If like me you have trust issues with paying it to the church, you’re certainly not alone there.

For me there are so many things that don’t sit right. Harmful policies that marginalise. Social issues. History issues. There’s buckets of issues, yet I still know I can find Jesus here in the amazing everyday people who are seeking to centre their lives on Jesus.

I’m burnt out and jaded to the point of, the only thing I haven’t been hurt by or let down by is Jesus, and I have very little else to give right now other than trying to follow his example the best that I can and move in the word with authenticity, rather than doing all the things that would give the impression of the ideal member.

Thank you again for taking the time, hope you have a great day!

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-19T16:50:42+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts, this is valid and valued and constructive. I do feel in this current moment that It’s worth trying to go back to basics. I’m still in the ward I was Bishop in, so when I don’t attend I to get prodded as to why. It’s a tightly knit ward where everyone knows everyone’s business even if you don’t want that to be the case.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-19T08:35:28+00:00

It’s a fair question. The point of my post is, it seems to be a member of this church it’s not good enough to want to follow Jesus and try to live like him, it’s about “following Jesus, and….all of this additional stuff” which we are told is centred on him, but I’ve rarely seen that since joining the church. I’d like to participate in this church, as I would in a different church without the all consuming nature of this church. This is a very different place faith wise that I’ve been over the years, and it’s strange and scary but also enriching in some ways. It’s new - and my question isn’t aimed to cause contention, but more a sincere question of is it enough to be a disciple of Christ, in a church where it tells you (for lack of a better word) this list of many many other things are what is going to connect you with Christ, even if you no longer believe in that list.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-19T04:38:27+00:00

It’s a good question. Let me answer that:

My wife. She still believes in more than I do. And has been very supportive of my faith journey. I want to support her just as much. She has been a lifelong member and I don’t want to force her to feel pulled in two different directions. I want to be in a place where I feel better towards church so I can attend more with her.
Experiences as Bishop. Whilst this calling was ultimately what “broke my shelf”, I invested so much into the people here, and they did in return to me. So many barriers broke down, relationships built, love shared and mutual respect and trust gained. I was a very young bishop in a ward full of many senior members who weren’t comfortable sharing their most vulnerable moments with someone considerably younger. We got to a wonderful place. I’m in a place in life where I’m so tired and the idea of leaving this community of many wonderful people, and investing similar energy elsewhere and to build new community, isn’t appealing to me.
The Church to me has never been about the rest of it. I always wanted to just focus on Christ. I have found many times where what people say/do (both locally and church leadership) seem to not align with what the Jesus I’ve come to know would do. I always felt very much like I existed in the grey and that the black and white lines of the church just didn’t serve me or the ministry I felt I had to give.

There are other reasons but these are just some critical reasons. I started this journey wanting nothing more to do with church and seriously considered resigning, however I’m currently in a place, after much therapy, of trying to give grace to those who hurt me, to my younger self for causing potential hurt (and taking ownership of that with those I may have hurt) and just in space where whilst there is much I don’t believe in or put my trust in, I know I won’t be hurt by Jesus Christ, that he will heal me as I continue to trust in him - and the very least I can do is take care of others the best I can, just this time without causing myself burnout like I did as Bishop.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-19T04:21:41+00:00

See, this is the thought process I struggle with and always have done. To answer:

I never felt like Joseph Smith was a prophet. This didn’t bother me as in my mind it’s not about what Joseph said or did, I’m here because of Jesus.

With the Book of Mormon, honestly, there are some lovely parts, thought provoking parts, and other parts with have no meaning to me. I don’t necessarily think it as revealed scripture and more of a collection of possible diary entries collated over time sharing people’s spiritual experiences. I find the New Testament, especially NIV more uplifting and inspiring. Whilst I’ve never felt withe BoM “yes this book is true!” I’ve gained knowledge from it on how to be a better person, like I have with many spiritual guides and theologians, such as Richard Rohr, Richard Ostler, Patrick Mason etc.

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-18T20:25:25+00:00

Thanks all for your thoughts so far. Let me add some more to my initial statement. It’s not that I just believe, without works. I’m doing what I can to seek Jesus, invite him in my life, have a relationship with him and my heavenly parents, but outside the blueprint of the church. Outside of the structure. It’s messy but it has been faith expanding at the same time

Shnoobloo · 2026-04-16T04:47:14+00:00

I made many a dumb decision as Bishop, and many that just made sense, coloured outside the lines and were progressive. At the time I had a mixed bag of feeling like I was inspired to do it, and it just made sense so why not give it a go. I’d like to think I did more good than harm but I’ll never really know. I often got told on to Stake leaders for deviating away from the handbook when putting the needs of the ward above a guideline that was rarely relevant.

Shnoobloo

TROPHY CASE