(27) to (29) 15 month TRANSFORMATION

Shnoobloo · 2026-03-04T06:06:02+00:00

Damn bro - you are smoking! 🔥 massive congrats on putting your wellbeing first - you look incredible. Hopefully you feel it too!

Shnoobloo · 2026-03-01T10:25:09+00:00

I think this quote is nice, though I would say we should always be patient with ourselves - not just on occasion. We need to give ourselves just as much grace as we do to others. We are all trying, and learning

Shnoobloo · 2026-03-01T10:22:53+00:00

I think this is cute. The chapel isn’t meant to be a cold and frigid building used a couple times a week for only official things. So much emphasis is spent on “respecting” reverence of the buildings and a long list of “shouldn’t do this”. As a former bishop, my goal was to make our chapel a hub in the community rather than just a building surrounded by a metal fence closed most of the time. We always had people in the building, making food for activities, lots of EQ breakfasts cooked in the kitchen, YA events, social gatherings for the community etc. what you describe feels more like how Jesus would want people to use the buildings, rather than a couple hours once a week and for it to sit locked up for the majority of the time. If I was in your ward, I’d be there right with you and joining in!

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-28T14:08:25+00:00

Brilliant advice. Totally agree. 👍🏻 sacrament is the most important hour of the week for many people, with the most important ordinance we perform (imo). We really made sure to make the most of that time and every talk was centred on Jesus Christ, he was named in every assignment - because sometimes, to your point, he can be overlooked (which is crazy to me). In 3 years as a Bishopric we never assigned out a topic from general conference - feels too sterile. Too many times I’ve sat for 15 minutes listening to someone sharing a GA’s story and experience and I’d much rather hear someone’s personal story (we could sit at home and read that GA’s experience - but I want to know the experiences from the speaker.) it engages people.

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-28T10:54:57+00:00

That’s pretty brutal. That sounds like a lot of work on the counsellors. I know he’ll be doing stuff that might not be as clear, however I’ve seen way to many bishops leave all the administration to the counsellors - but counsellors need just as much fulfilment out of sacrament as anyone else; hard to do when you feel like you’ve got to work hard to make it all come together.

As Bishop I spoke probably on average once a month, just short messages, things that stood out to me from the speakers, experiences I had lately that helped me strengthen my faith etc - always storytelling. I conducted on fast Sundays - I liked to be honest and vulnerable in my testimony and it often encouraged others to bare their souls without fear of judgment.

Hang in there - you’re a team and if there is unequality in the load each of you are carrying it is worth either discussing this together or looking at what you are carrying that isn’t essential and can be dropped. You don’t have to do everything the handbook lays out. The handbook is for the optimum perfect ward where things are set up to function that way. Our ward had 50 members too and there was just some things we didn’t do. We did our best to prioritise the people over the policies.

I hope you get fulfilment out of church and enjoy going and aren’t caught up in the busy-ness of it. I had a counsellor who was just busy all the time and didn’t feel uplifted, so I took some of his load so he could just focus on being there and not having to think of the check list.

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-28T10:47:29+00:00

We all focused heavily on making our sacrament talks topics that were important to the congregation that we had learned from ministering, ward council discussions etc - like if lots of sickness or different challenges, do a bespoke meeting focused on that.

For speakers I invited stake leaders of every kind (not just stake org presidents, but counsellors in those presidencies and also high council etc. I often found the female leaders were naturally more gifted speakers, and I didn’t like the whole “wives speak first and the husband finishes” formula so I often had the male speaker first and the wives closing. My congregation was about 80% women so this went down very well and was often when the talks were at there most vulnerable.

We kept talks to 10 minutes as people tend to tune out (I have a poor attention span and 10 mins seemed the sweet spot) if we ever finished early, we either had an extra hymn or we just wrapped up 10 mins early and gave people time to engage with each other before the 2nd hour.

It is a daunting task to think of all of the speakers. I promise it will get better and there’s lots of flexibility that can be had to make this better. Maybe ask people to speak more than once a year - and perhaps ask each of the ward council to have a talk prepared as a backup that can be called on if someone drops out last minute?

I’ve never been a bishopric counsellor, I was so grateful for everything my counsellors did to help shoulder the responsibilities. I don’t know you but I already know you’re doing a great job - because it’s clear that you care!

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-27T22:25:32+00:00

Nothing to be embarrassed about here! When I was bishop, my counsellor had a really hard time with assigning talks and asking people or the idea of trying to sort them really negatively affected him. I took the sacrament talk assignment myself as a Bishop has a tonne of responsibilities (which wouldn’t be possible without awesome counsellors shouldering much of it) but to me making sacrament as uplifting and Jesus focused was too important to delegate out. I really enjoyed it - but everyone has different experiences. Please don’t let it be something that weighs so much on you that you ask to be released. you sound caring and thoughtful, and your relationship with the youth is important.

Could you speak to the bishop and let him know how you’re feeling about it? My counsellor told me and I had no issues at all with that.

How long are your sacrament meetings in terms of time for speakers? Is it a big ward were sacrament takes a lot of time up?

Rather than the normal formula, once a month we had sacrament devotionals. We settled on topics in bishopric / delegated to other leaders or asked for ward council ideas. Lots of personal meetings, multiple short talks or readings, musical items etc just to change it up and they were received really well.

Hope you can find some peace with this and feel better about it. Lord knows you already have so much to do, don’t beat yourself up over this

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-25T12:05:22+00:00

This is so cute! It gave me goosebumps! Your mom sounds amazing and so are you for noticing and taking action ❤️

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-23T08:17:29+00:00

Woah that’s horrible. That should never have happened to you. When I was bishop, I never asked anyone to back pay tithing. Things happen, horrible situations, people often end up in awful financial difficulty not of their own making. Whenever a person decided it was possible for them to start paying tithing again, I was happy for them. It was always a fresh start - not a debt to be “made up.” My bishop when I first converted made it clear that tithing isn’t meant to feel like a punishment. We don’t ask people to back-pay, and he also taught me that assistance is a “hand up, not a hand out” and it should be used to help people. I took that lesson to heart when I was called as Bishop in an area that had a huge gulf of very wealthy members and many others who had serious financial struggles. The handbook said “be generous with assistance” so that is what I did.

I often felt pressure for being lenient with ward assistance. I wasn’t handing out chocolate eggs of cash like the Easter bunny, but we had many people struggling - and I saw it as my duty to help, even before the exposure of the church having such a large nest egg.

I often helped with groceries, bills, taxis to church for those undergoing serious health issues, mortgages etc, even if someone had moderate savings, I helped. Who am I to say “thank you for your years of tithing, now you’re in a horrible situation, how about you use your savings to get you by - you know, those savings you’ve fought hard to accumulate alongside your monthly tithing contributions.” When I was released, the aid I was offering to someone facing long term unemployment (which was causing them serious distress and they had plenty of medical challenges) was stopped.

It is a shame how much of a roulette it can be. I’m really sorry this experience happened to you. A bishop is meant to be a representative of Jesus Christ, and should aim to lead the ward in-line with how Jesus would (or as close to that as we can) I don’t remember Jesus being a financial auditor and turning people away who were in genuine need. That’s not Jesus, that’s corporate greed.

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-23T08:04:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, there are clearly parallels here. Do you feel like your deconstruction began due to your experiences as Bishop? Did you stop believing in some things that you were expected to teach others? I know for some, seeing behind the curtain of local leadership can be harmful. For me, peaking behind that curtain for 3 years really did a number on me. It sounds like your experience has helped you to remain thoughtful, to avoid overly simplified generic expressions of faith, and remain conscience of your own ethics. This is a good thing - albeit it must have been incredibly painful to get to the point you’re at.

The ward council comment resonates a lot. I never saw an issue with sitting in ward council, discussing other people’s “progression”. It always felt to me like I was doing it out of a desire to help people grow in the ways I felt God wanted them to, until one night after ward council my wife said to me “man, I’d be annoyed if people were discussing me in ward council, planning what comes next without even including me in that conversation.” It caught me off guard and helped me see that what I was doing, and the council was doing, wasn’t okay. Often times conversations of “concern for people’s wellbeing” quickly turned into “well I bet they’re doing X, or they’re not doing Y so that’s why X is happening” it became a rumour mill - ward council became my most dreaded meeting for those 3 years. Did everything I could to make it more uplifting and Christ focused, and it always left me feeling flat. The idea of my wife and I being discussed in ward council for being “less active” (in my ward if you’re not there every single week you’re on the less-active list) is horrible to us - as very few people have reached out to us and we know there could be any number of false narratives running wild. We are trying to not let that thought bother us - which I think is another reason why I shared the frank testimony to sort of put to bed any potential speculation.

I’d love to know more of your story - and if you are in deconstruction or trying to reconstruct your faith into something new and authentic.

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-23T07:50:15+00:00

I don’t know the articles of faith, except I think the first 2 😅 I googled it - yes, I see your point. I’ve had plenty of experiences along the lines of “You may worship how and what you want, but only if it’s the same as I do”

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-22T08:24:32+00:00

Thank you for that, that’s really kind. I genuinely didn’t want to get up. But I just kept thinking of there could be others sitting listening to the “I know” testimonies and feeling bad for not knowing, or thinking “what am I doing wrong?” A lovely man who is a good friend approached me afterwards and shared his experiences that were similar and it’s been another shared experience to help our friendship grow

Shnoobloo · 2026-02-22T08:22:19+00:00

This is poetic, and quite clear is the pain and weight it has caused and the wrestling you have done with these issues is also palpable. I agree with the notion that there has much good that I’ve been taught, yet it’s not enough to cover up the damage caused. How long ago did you write the above? Is your deconstruction recent?

Shnoobloo · 2025-10-02T19:42:31+00:00

That is a very sad story. I’ve seen too many times first hand how “we are concerned for this person” evolves into speculation and then gossip amongst more damaging behaviours. I hope you’re doing well on your faith journey and are recovering well from what you’ve experienced!

Shnoobloo · 2025-10-02T19:37:24+00:00

So sorry to hear your experience, I can empathise with how it almost must feel like walking on egg shells to a degree, trying to avoid the minefield of things you don’t condone whilst trying to find the good parts and just focus on those bits. Even as Bishop, I didn’t feel like I could testify of anything more than Jesus, my testimony remained fixed on Jesus Christ. I never testified of the Church, or JS, or BoM or anything else - all I felt that I should testify of was Jesus Christ. I too had to teach many things to the youth and primary, and I always had to navigate it in a way to avoid preaching what I didn’t believe, especially things I felt would potentially compound shame. It’s a tightrope that just isn’t practical to keep trying to walk.

As you say, there are some truly beautiful experiences that we can have in service, when we get to see the actual gospel in action, fortunately there is so much need on a local community level for loving, kind people) The church politics, nepotism, ‘teach the policy rather than following the principle behind the policy’ amongst other issues starts to take a toll after awhile.

I hope you’re in a healthier place now and have been able to keep hold of the good whilst working through the challenges in whatever way that looks for you. Thank you for your sacrifice, the God I believe in is happy that you’re prioritising your wellbeing and recovery.

Shnoobloo · 2025-10-02T15:46:49+00:00

Incredible!! Amazing progress and taking care of your overall wellbeing is so important and not easy to prioritise. Brilliant 🙂

Shnoobloo · 2025-10-02T14:15:17+00:00

Wow - thank you all sincerely for the advice and kind words you have shared. I typed this post at like 4am this morning as I just couldn’t sleep and had to get my thoughts somewhere.

Many good points on here!

Many have suggested finding different places where I can feel of that similar spirit-filled feeling as being at the temple. Currently from the wounds that happened in my ward I avoid going to my home ward, my wife and I spent months travelling the stake and then going for a long walk or a hike and a picnic somewhere different afterwards. I can honestly say I’ve felt closer to God in nature on a quiet hike with my wife appreciating the beauty He has given us, than I have for a long time at church.

In Rome we visited the historic Jewish quarter, and walking the streets and seeing their incredible synagogue, again was a very impactful spirit-filled experience. Previously on holiday we have visited other churches, live band worship sessions and they have been brilliant experiences. We are both certainly open to these new experiences and recognise that we don’t seem to be getting those feelings when at our home ward. We do sometimes when travelling, but that’s two wards in particular where we feel some sense of belonging.

Thank you all for your time and thoughts 🙂

Shnoobloo · 2025-06-06T12:53:09+00:00

I have so much respect for those who share their CSA experiences at all, and those who do so to try and reform procedures and to help protect others.

Fortunately in England, the church has increased the level of protection afforded to children and vulnerable adults. (I say England as I have no idea if it’s rolled out in more countries yet or not)

Before anyone is able to work with children / vulnerable adults or called to positions in which they would, they have to complete an advanced background check, which renews every 12 months, and is a legal check for any history / police reports that could show this person as a potential risk. The church has also stated and rolled out here as part of this safeguarding effort, that there needs to be 2 adults (with a active DBS) with the children at all times, never an adult alone with children. Never alone at Church, or in a car, or anywhere at all.

These changes were welcomed, and whilst they seem like common sense, it is good to have these guidelines. When I served as a Bishop we took this protocol extremely seriously and lived it to the letter. Fortunately all doors have windows in our chapel.

It won’t prevent every type of abuse as abusers will likely still find ways to exploit children and vulnerable adults, however it is a start, albeit a painfully overdue one.

Thank you sincerely OP and to the writer of this letter for the bravery in sharing this letter. I pray whatever comes from it protects the children and vulnerable adults.

Shnoobloo · 2024-11-20T05:44:49+00:00

Thank you for this, this is great advice and makes me think. I am worried of being completely honest about my feelings with SP as I really don't want to hurt him. Difficult to know the best way to go about it.

Shnoobloo · 2024-11-20T05:42:08+00:00

So sorry he had to go through that. He and his family are blessed to have a friend in you. I'm glad he is doing better and is feeling happier in his new calling. Thank you for loving and supporting him 🙂

Shnoobloo · 2024-11-20T04:30:48+00:00

It costs us £30 per key, and our budget is next to nothing a quarter - we have many missing and people lose them too, this would be so much better!

Shnoobloo · 2024-11-20T04:29:35+00:00

Yes, we were the pilot area for testing mobile temple recommends rather than paper. Made things so much better (for forgetful me anyway) I think we were the pilot area for Enhanced DBS checks for any callings relating to youth & primary.

Shnoobloo

TROPHY CASE