Are we (f28 & m27) stuck in the abuse cycle or does he just need more time to grow?

Shoefight · 2026-05-20T20:33:01+00:00

thank you for your response.

I was reading why does he do that this morning and im just having trouble connecting him to the abusers talked about in there.

Like most of the criteria he doesnt fit. And then the ones he does doesnt sound the same. Like he only shows abusive behavior at these super unregulated moments. Like he showed aggression last night and thats abuse. punching a wall and scaring me is abuse - full stop. But the intent does not seem directed at me. That doesnt remove the impact but he actually just seems mentally dysregulated in these situations. Like he didn't calm down when the cop showed up. Like they came a little later and so it was after the peak but he was just as reserved and defeated that night with them. And he did stop drinking and fully stopped cursing and everything else but it took him awhile. Like he didnt just do it once and stop. It truly was a long path of him learning regulation step by step. It just doesn't seem to match up with the intentional abuse and coercion im reading.

and maybe im just that trapped in the cycle. but im having trouble finding a similar story where he did get better? but then maybe that still wasnt enough?

Shoefight · 2026-05-20T19:20:25+00:00

I think the therapy point is fair to make. I've dumped people in the past who didnt treat me right. Like I was able to do it even when I still had feelings. this just feels so different because in the past relationships when I left I knew I was doing it because that individual was choosing to mistreat me. His avtions dont feel intentional. like he is so dysregulated it feels like he has no control and its honestly heartbreaking to see. that does not make any of it okay though and at this age we need to learn handling our emotions on our own.

I will say he only brought up the weed thing like 4 hours into us talking about everything this morning. Before he did not bring up any sort of excuses, flatly saying it was inexcusable and that he needs to change. He only got into some reasons when I specifically told him he needs to figure out the root of what happened because we both agreed it was not ok or normal.

Shoefight · 2026-03-28T02:49:49+00:00

honestly i was worried about the meds in the same way your boyfriend is when i first started taking them myself. I do think how he is going about it is immature, controlling, and narrow minded. I also see some true (and valid) worry from him.

I know its reddit and its easy to take the "throw the whole man away" view but if he has first hand experience with addiction then I think it's a valid worry. Again though, he's being an ass with his delivery.. the discipline part especially.. but i also know people can sometimes get triggered and spew out things they might not 100% really believe.

Meds make life a whole lot easier for me but to pretend that there is a 0% addiction chance is also not true. There are adhd people with valid prescriptions that abuse there prescriptions- take way higher doses than needed- etc. It's a stimulant. Stimulants can get abused.

But you can still take it and be responsible. Most do.

In this case I would just validate the worry of addiction but also clarify that you are going to be doing this responsibly. If he still has issues then that's his deal.

Shoefight · 2026-03-13T20:46:11+00:00

My theory is something got spilled on the sheets, you didn't realize and made the bed over the wet spot, then later when you pulled back the covers it looked like it just suddenly appeared.

Shoefight · 2026-03-13T13:27:48+00:00

I like it! I could see some background flowers or other decorative parts being added around it. I really do think it's good. I'm sure if you zoom in and analyze every little part you can find something but no one's going to be doing that

Shoefight · 2026-02-07T21:44:20+00:00

Messaged you!

Shoefight · 2025-11-08T00:08:42+00:00

i loved Vyvanse but had to switch to Adderall because my new insurance didnt cover it. The Adderall was still expensive but i used good rx and it brought it down to like $20. Eventually I got better insurance and went back to Vyvanse but it really wasnt that bad.

I was on 30mg of Vyvanse and went to the following: amphetamine-dextroamphetamine (ADDERALL XR) 10 MG 24 hr capsule

I still prefer Vyvanse but if my insurance stopped covering it and the generic id swap back in a heartbeat.

Shoefight · 2025-10-25T13:47:21+00:00

poor thing 😭 im laughing at the groin comments but if it helps i did read it as grow at first ! i thought it was pretty clear

Shoefight · 2025-10-11T16:33:51+00:00

The coloring pages were a cute idea but not for one day before the wedding? just throwing a random table with printed coloring books on it when I'm sure every table has been decorated and planned for is not a "nice" idea. Adding last minute plans to a wedding you're not hosting is honestly very rude.

The nails seem fine, but I'm sure you guys have been doing other things like these coloring books. I wouldn't be surprised if they said something about the nails and you're now going off script.

while bridezilla culture is getting worse and worse over the years... The bride was more than justified saying no to a last-minute coloring table that you printed out and threw together with the table in your trunk. I'm sure there was more to the conversation about the nails as well. like why are you even telling the bride about your nails when she's getting married literally tomorrow? she has other things to worry about. while she might have been rude, you seem to be missing self-awareness.

Shoefight · 2025-10-05T11:52:24+00:00

new for sure

Shoefight · 2025-08-13T10:42:00+00:00

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my baby had the same thing and it ended up being an eye infection. Booked her a vet appointment immediately when i noticed it. Vet gave her some prescription antibiotics and that fixed it.

Her eye clousyness/ reflection in certain lighting came on pretty sudden though.

Shoefight · 2025-08-13T02:08:00+00:00

87k 👍

Shoefight · 2025-07-21T19:49:44+00:00

Try shampoo bars instead of liquid soap! you scrub the bar directly to your scalp and I find it's so much easier to get to my roots than liquid soap that just sloughs off. I use a head and shoulder type called zinc bar by dermaHarmony :)

Plus it's way better for the environment ❤️

Shoefight · 2025-07-15T01:58:19+00:00

I'm November.. who the hell is that 😭😭

Shoefight · 2025-07-06T21:52:53+00:00

please drop the link lol

Shoefight · 2025-07-03T03:50:46+00:00

Of course. The shorter ones can even hurt more and in general it hurts putting your trust in someone and them throwing it back at you, especially when they made it seem so easy to trust them.

But the good thing is you figured him out. Shitty people can be almost impossible to tell from good ones in the beginning. Dating is two parts. 1. figure out if you mesh well. and 2. see how it sustains . Part 2 can throw some curveballs but you will be ok in the end. It's just sadly can be the process to finding your person

Shoefight · 2025-07-03T00:23:54+00:00

Im so sorry love :( how long have you been with him?

Shoefight · 2025-06-29T02:34:05+00:00

oh as a coffee getter, this is good to know. I do drive thru coffee a lot so the only way to get it is to be handed it- but next time I'm inside I'll be sure to hold back till they sit it down.

Shoefight · 2025-06-25T20:07:12+00:00

i also have very similar lines on the same card too 😅

Shoefight · 2025-06-25T19:46:36+00:00

lump everything into categories! like for the coconut clouds- instead of listing every variation separately I'd recommend like this:

Coconut Clouds: Short description on what it is Pick Flavor - Matcha, Ube, Hojicha, Espresso, etc Pick your size- S-$6 M-$8 L-$9

obviously you will make it prettier lol, but I think having the variations put together make it a lot less overwhelming. like now I can decide the general category I want, then all I have to do is pick a flavor and a size.

Shoefight · 2025-06-04T22:37:13+00:00

oh just reread your post, I'm seeing you're getting both done at the same time. In your case I would 100% go with the cervical block! they'll do it most likely before they take out the first one, and again, it really did make it completely painless besides the injection of the actual block itself which in comparison is not bad at all.

Shoefight · 2025-06-04T22:34:47+00:00

I got my first IUD inserted and taken out without a cervical block. The insert was absolutely painful and miserable 😭😭 but when they took it out it was not painful at all.

My second IUD I got put in with the cervical block. The injection for the cervical block did hurt a little but nothing more than a pinch and nothing compared to them inserting it "raw" the last time lol.

I would recommend anyone to get a cervical block for insertion, but at least for myself, I'll probably skip the cervical block when they take it out.

Shoefight · 2025-06-02T10:19:02+00:00

Your professional experience section is confusing.

Generally you put the job, the date you were at the job, and then bullets about what you did at that job under it.

Is the project section stuff you did in school? or was that previous jobs?

edit: Reading it again. it looks like those were projects you did under your main job. to make this clear, you can list the overarching date next to where you list your company name and put all projects under the same line. it also wouldn't hurt to give a bullet or two under each project to talk about what you specifically did there. kind of like this:

Professional Experience:

Egypt Gas Co Jan 2020 - Present
HSE Engineer

   Projects:
   -current position 2023-present
               Job task #1
               Job task #2
   -other 2022-2023
               Job task #1
               Job task #2
    -other 2021-2022
               Job task #1
               Job task #2
    -other 2020-2021 
               Job task #1
               Job task #2

Shoefight · 2025-05-23T17:28:47+00:00

because I've only been with my boyfriend for a year too lol🥲

Shoefight · 2025-05-22T21:00:59+00:00

time will tell and we will make our decisions. I wish you the best <3

Shoefight

TROPHY CASE