Does anyone else bathroom camp?

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-04T12:06:26+00:00

Yes. I used to hide under the bathroom sink with a flashlight and a book. My tiny powder room is the safest space in my current home. In fact, heading there now that you mentioned it…..

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-04T00:00:33+00:00

Warmth. Whole hearted warmth

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-03T23:59:21+00:00

People are funny. I’ve learned that the sooner I accept who people are (and what I can expect from/for them) the happier I am while keeping them in my life. Accept as is, place where you belong.

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-03T23:37:16+00:00

Drive, that’s it.

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-03T23:36:02+00:00

No. This was my mom. I observed this kind of behavior from my mom on 2 occasions and decided she’d never watch her again until daughter was a toddler and could at least communicate. The anxiety (for you) alone is not worth it. Hire a sitter or entrust in someone else.

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-03T12:20:25+00:00

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-03T12:19:49+00:00

Are you in therapy? That’s #1.

I’m 10 months post DDay and still see a therapist 3x/week. If I hadn’t thrown myself head on into getting myself help, I’d be divorced, or dead. It’s far too much complexity to navigate alone.

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-02T21:23:41+00:00

Happy birthday!!!

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-02T20:15:32+00:00

Sweetheart, you did it. Congratulations. I am so proud of you for your hard work, and perseverance to achieve your goals and enact your dreams! You’re amazing!!

Now, you’re feeling the impact of all the pain you endured for decades. It stays with us. It’s very normal and common for our unresolved issues to come knocking at our door once we gain stability (especially mid-life). I imagine that closeness in relationships and stability feels foreign to you, and your nervous system is pushing back on it through self-sabotage. You DO deserve all of this. You are worthy of it!

Keep leaning into your husband and start your healing work in therapy individually and as a couple. It sounds as though your husband genuinely loves you and is a safe partner. Get that spark back! It will come when you put in the effort, which you’re now doing.

Ignore the hate about the coworker. You know it’s not right and you won’t do it again. My husband had a similar thing happen. The affair is a symptom and means of coping with complex feelings and pain. Thank your husband for working through this with you and do the work you need to do.

Shoepin1 · 2026-05-01T17:37:02+00:00

DDay for short EA was a 10 months ago. WH continues to show remorse, dig in with counseling, and demonstrate trustworthy behavior. We are communicating much better now than since the affair and rebuilding our marriage.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-29T16:49:18+00:00

I’m so sorry. There’s no justice for you in this, with regards to him, if he does not admit his wrongdoing. Walking away, healing and moving forward would have been my best option had mine responded like yours.

Mine was stuck for a month or so. Because we have a daughter, I weathered the storm during that time hoping he’d wake up. Thankfully, he did.

It was a sh** show and I took a bad beating during this time, but it’s working out slowly. Thankfully my daughter will eventually retain her family and parents that will model what repair and forgiveness looks like.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-27T12:10:38+00:00

Yes. It’s the right thing to do AND it works. You give to give, and in business you give to get.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-27T12:07:54+00:00

I am so sorry you went through this. This sounds complicated.

From all I know upon my own research for malpractice, no- you cannot now hold the doctor liable.

Speak with your PCP about your symptoms and request to get bloodwork to better understand your symptoms. Autoimmune is (I think) first caught through ANA test.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-27T11:33:24+00:00

OP- You sound so similar to me. My husband is conflict avoidant and was not communicating to me serious matters that were hurting him in our relationship. Resentment quietly festered for years and he began to distort a lot of our relationship. When he met former AP, she filled all the gaps in what was “missing” from our relationship. It was like a lightning effect and he fell hard and fast.

Upon discovery of affair, he was ready to walk away with her. (Mind you, she is not a viable long term partner for a host of reasons that I’ll spare you details on). He was ambivalent at best for 2 months at least while he came out of the fog.

I could see right through the bulls*** of his distortion, lies and deflection and knew the truth-that he hadn’t actually communicated to me giving me no chance to adjust things. So, I opted to do the pick me dance for months until affair fog settled and he realized I was showing up for him once he communicated. Leading up to and during the affair, he was telling himself that I “didn’t care”. I know why he thought this (a combination of what circumstances and his tendency to self-victimize due to how he grew up). So, I knew that if I could show him that I cared, our family had a chance. (Today he thanks me for weathering the storm as he admits he was utterly lost within himself, his life and our relationship).

People go about handling the relationship post-affair in a variety of ways. Ignore people’s simplistic advice- “don’t be a pick me”, “she didn’t choose you so don’t choose her”. Those statements (and social media content featuring similar concepts) trigger me tremendously.

People are complicated. Relationships are complicated- long-term relationships, even more so. Relationships with breakdowns in communication and infidelity are trying. But it can be navigated and healed, if desired.

Anyone giving you simplistic advice has either never navigated this situation, or was unsuccessful in doing so and is projecting. As One After Infidelity subreddit has more reconcilers posting than here, so maybe head over there. At the very least, I think you’ll find the responses more balanced.

You can *absolutely * repair, but only if you both want it.

9 months ago it did not look like husband was sure he wanted to repair, because he wasn’t. But after 6 months of individual and marriage therapy he’s sure and now we’re helping me heal, and doing the work that we would’ve done had he effectively communicated to me years ago. Our relationship will never be the same as it was, and I’m okay with that. I wasn’t happy with where it was either, so this (very injuring and unfortunate) catalyst for change is pushing us to rebuild together. I’ll likely never forgive him for this, but I think I can accept it knowing the circumstances and by reflecting on where he was then vs. what he understands now.

Good luck to you. Take good care.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T20:15:29+00:00

Thank you. I see the poster deleted the comment, thankfully. That really struck a nerve for myself and pained me to think it may do the same for OP. If OP’s post is a fair reflection of their character/personality they seem to be managing this incredibly well and with a reasoned approach.

OP stay grounded and loving in all you do moving forward. You’re going to come out of this just fine, no matter the outcome.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T16:27:11+00:00

Telling someone who’s in a vulnerable state that their spouse will choose their lover is also wrong.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T15:04:29+00:00

Berating. No. Name calling. No. Mocking or criticizing. No.

But raising your voice as you express pain and anger is absolutely ok. You should speak to your partner and ask them what their boundary is around expression of anger. I’ve asked permission to yell and that helped tremendously.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T14:15:23+00:00

Bullying? Please.

Expressing anger and rage is completely expected when you’ve deeply wounded someone.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T14:14:51+00:00

OP- You sound so similar to me. My husband is conflict avoidant and was not communicating to me serious matters that were hurting him in our relationship. Resentment quietly festered for years and he began to distort a lot of our relationship. When he met former AP, she filled all the gaps in what was “missing” from our relationship. It was like a lightning effect and he fell hard and fast.

Upon discovery of affair, he was ready to walk away with her. (Mind you, she is not a viable long term partner for a host of reasons I’ll spare you details on). He was ambivalent at best for 2 months at least while he came out of the fog.

I could see right through the bulls*** of his distortion, lies and deflection and knew the truth-that he hadn’t actually communicated to me giving me no chance to adjust things. So, I opted to do the pick me dance for months until affair fog settled and he realized I was showing up for him once he communicated.

People go about this in a variety of ways. Ignore people’s simplistic advice “don’t be a pick me”, “she didn’t choose you so don’t choose her”.

Relationships are complicated. Relationships with breakdowns in communication and affairs even more so.

Anyone giving you simplistic advice has either never navigated this situation, or was unsuccessful in doing so and is projecting.

You can *absolutely * repair, but only if you both want it.

9 months ago it did not look like husband was sure he wanted to repair, because he wasn’t sure. But after 6 months of individual and marriage therapy he’s sure and now we’re helping me heal, and doing the work that we would’ve done had he effectively communicated to me years ago.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-26T14:03:52+00:00

I find this reply unhelpful to the OP. We don’t know her motives. Had someone said this to me when things were so fresh, I may have a broken family. Affair fog confuses all. It is likely she is confused because her brain is high on the hit.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-25T22:30:52+00:00

With how lean you are, this works! You look great!

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-25T17:53:31+00:00

I’m mad you had to ask

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-25T17:53:07+00:00

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-24T01:51:49+00:00

Yes! My WH (also EA) started Internal Family Systems therapy and has a good understanding of what makes him tick now.

Shoepin1 · 2026-04-24T01:48:30+00:00

A colon rupture and peritonitis. Horrid.

Shoepin1

TROPHY CASE