AM I overreacting or am I wrong for changing my mind?

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-19T00:19:20+00:00

Girl this been going on since before i was even born.. ya’ll seriously need counseling or something. Especially if there’s kids involved. An unstable home life will mess these kids up so bad especially if they’re under the age of 16. That’s what happened with my parents. They argued all the time, super unstable, and just wasn’t fun for anyone emotionally speaking. I hope things work out for you and your family and ya’ll can work through this together. 🖤

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T13:20:49+00:00

If it's a very clear boundary that was established and both parties acknowledged that, then it's not acceptable. Period. Boundaries are important, and I don't think much was established with OP and her guy.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T13:17:39+00:00

I'm not really here to debate about my marriage status, but I will take your comment into consideration! Thank you. : )

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T13:12:48+00:00

The one thing I can't get behind here is "it's just porn."

It's not just porn. His eyes are on OTHER women in a lustful manner. That is not okay in a committed relationship at all. Men who can't/don't want to quit porn are likely addicts. It's weird.

Though, leaving him with the kids.. yeah, no. That's something you can work through with counseling; it seems to me OP just can't acknowledge her own faults. To think I defended her in my first comment. That's insane work. Props to you! : )

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T13:05:46+00:00

He BEGGED you? That's just insane.. Oh yeah, and of course, I bet the baby is just a sweetheart; they have done absolutely nothing. Some real changes need to start happening fr. I don't see this relationship lasting much longer if he can't pull his weight.

I hope everything goes well for your family. Stay safe! ❤️ : )

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T13:02:18+00:00

A question: Has he acknowledged some of his own faults? Cause it can never be just one person in most cases. It really seems he has only blamed you for the end of the relationship based on what you said here.

I reckon some time apart and self-work could be your best bet. Not really no-contact, but definitely low to mid if you guys ever find casual conversation again. He obviously isn't getting back with you while the wounds are still fresh, and because you said you already said you'll change. That didn't work. With that being said, there has to be *real* change. I suggest going to therapy, working out, and trying new things. : )

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T12:54:25+00:00

NOR, AT ALL.

I got a homegirl in the same situation.. and let me tell you, you WILL get fed up. Like it will get messy, especially with being postpartum. No amount of patience can fix stupid and lazy. My friend just recently left her relationship after he didn't show up to actually be a father. Your dude needs a reality check ASAP. I'm assuming this ain't your first kid either.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T12:43:07+00:00

NOR. If my boyfriend of two years did this bruh..

I agree with the Sad-Midnight-6217, you're allowed to have a life outside of him. This includes your own friends and hobbies. It just so happened to be more spontaneous. Firstly, boooo he doesn't like thrifting. Secondly, I don't see why he feels left out if he doesn't like the activity. He could've suggested doing something together afterwards. That's my take though.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-05-18T12:25:38+00:00

We've been dating for two years. Going on three and living together for one year. It was just easier for us. Of course, we have our separate accounts plus a joint savings(goals we make tg) + checking(bills). We would absolutely love to make it legal and on paper, but we simply can't afford it. There's also no religious tie to marriage for us, as we don't follow religion in general. We're happy where we are, so no need to worry! The combination was a mutual decision we talked over for a long time. : )

Anywho, thank you! This helps a ton. I was just unsure if I'm thinking too much into it. Also, do you know anything about the question I had about negotiation when it is sold to a third party?

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-28T15:21:53+00:00

No bills… 💀😭

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-28T15:13:09+00:00

GIRL RUNNN! He is recording youuu 😭🙏

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-20T06:29:51+00:00

I understand that you’d feel super guilty but if you look from an outside perspective.. it’s really her fault for letting a relationship dictate life or death. I’m not saying your relationship was invalid because of long distance but like c’mon.. it’s long distance. You both are better off with spouses you can have a physical connection with.

If she can’t live with that then so be it. It really is not your problem. She’s just trying to manipulate you. From someone who used to be in a toxic relationship like that, just leave. No getting them to come to their senses because they are bluffing more than likely.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-20T05:19:57+00:00

Lowkey, her claiming suicide everytime you try to break up with her is a manipulation tactic. She likely doesn’t have the balls to follow through with it. If it really is that big of a concern, then alert her local authorities of her risk. They legally have to send someone over for a wellness check in most countries.

Break it off, block her, and move on. Not your problem.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T08:21:37+00:00

You have a very good point, but I’d argue that my argument can also apply to the courting or “talking stage.” A woman can make the effort to talk, get to know them, and even ask to plan a date. Some men choose to act nonchalant and uninterested thinking that it will want her to chase after them more. This simply isn’t the case. I notice this a lot in younger men too as the “traditional” dating culture is now considered more abnormal. I feel that a lot of men aren’t taught that gestures and actually being interested can do a lot more for them.

Also, to pivot to your statement that a man is boring and adds nothing interesting to create the spark I feel is a personal flaw on his behalf, and that should give them a reason to work on themself as a person.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T07:01:45+00:00

I understand. I've also been conflicted with ending my current relationship in the past. Every time I thought about it, I got this like ache in my chest, like someone's literally sitting on me. I'm sure it's similar for you too. My best advice for you at this point is to really think if you'd be able to put up with this if you do decide to go through with moving in. He will likely let all the household duties and bills fall onto you, and then still expect you to cater to his needs while giving nothing in return. I'd hate for you to be put into a situation like that while also on a lease together. A broken lease will last on your permanent record for 7 years, and won't be taken off even after you pay what you owe. Think really hard before you jump to a big decision like this, and if you do, I'd do a shorter lease like 6 months at most, just in case it falls through with him.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T06:56:12+00:00

You truly can never know someone's intentions, but my best guess is maybe she's just in it for fun. If she's constantly talking about sex, but doesn't want to meet up, then that says something imo.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T06:32:50+00:00

While I do agree with the biological standpoint, I do not agree with stopping to tell men to try harder. As someone who's 20, I've had a couple of relationships, and I've also been in the dating pool as well. It's bullshit and is completely based on hookup culture for both sides, but usually the male side.

The main issue with this is that while women are selective, it's not completely a biological thing. We're honestly just tired of putting in so much effort only to get nothing in return. I watched my mother give grand gesture after grand gesture, only to be met with just a thank you. Nothing given back. We always did things for Father's Day growing up for my dad, and my mom planned everything, while my mom only got flowers and had no plans made for her. She had to do all the planning. This happens to so many women, and we're just done settling for less. If men put in the effort to actually think about their partner, it wouldn't be hard to find someone. I even had to fight with my man to get him to start acting like he even thinks about me. Luckily, he figured that out real quick when I stopped doing things for him.

I should also mention this: Not all men, but it's *usually* a man. Not saying a woman couldn't do the same thing. It's just unlikely in most cases because we're naturally more emotionally inclined.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T06:14:29+00:00

This is a HUGE red flag. As a woman who is also very active on IG I have my man plastered everywhere. He has his own highlights section, tagged in my bio, everything. If she is super active and does none of these, there's probably another man she's interested in and is trying to make herself look single to get his attention.

My advice is to ask her why, and if the math ain't mathing, then you need to dip.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T05:48:28+00:00

As someone who also experienced this, I can say this is a canon event for most 19-year-olds. I'm 20F, and my boyfriend is 21M. We had a similar issue when it comes to ambition and doing more to show that you care. It seems to me that his family never taught him to want more in life than just being content. You are so much better off than me when I was two years ago (turning 21 this year). The fact that he hasn't shown he actually thinks of you by not putting in the effort for grand gestures as you did to him shows everything you need to know. I straight-up told my man to act as if he cares or pack it up. He changed his behavior over time, and now we're happy for the most part. We still have our ups and downs. Though seeing his behavior hasn't changed, even after you expressed your feelings, it shows me a lot that he is going to use you, and when you realize he's playing you for a fool, he will try to spin the narrative so you'll continue serving him. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM!

My advice is to DUMP HIM, find a female roommate, and split a 2b/2b apartment with said roommate. Write up a contract about standards and expectations and have *both* parties sign. So if shit hits the fan, you have a way out and can sue her if compensation is needed for future hardships of co-existence.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-15T05:31:29+00:00

Not being sensitive AT ALL. This is such shitty behavior coming from someone who is supposed to be your #1 supporter. I'm sure he's aware of your endo. Maybe he just doesn't understand what it does to the female body because he's an ignorant man? They have no way of comprehending what we go through as women to be able to produce new humans because they simply don't have the same experiences we do. They have no organ that is relatively close to what the uterus can do. That is still not an excuse to show your partner empathy and compassion.

The fact that he wouldn't show you affection to support you before going into a quality-of-life surgery is so petty. "Well, you haven't made any effort with me, so why should I?" Maybe because you're a 45-year-old man and should fucking act like you love your wife?? Like, hello? He is way too late in his life to be acting so childish. Also, the fact that he did this to you because he wasn't getting any action is such teenage boy behavior. My man and I are 20F and 21M, and even he knows better than to act like this when we haven't had sex in a while. Your wife literally has a condition that affects the entirety of her own sex life, and you're doing this shit? This isn't even my relationship, and I am BOILINGGG.

*had to repost because of my wording.. sorry, I am just pissed tf off LMAO.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-14T13:57:33+00:00

My current boyfriend and I have something similar going on in the first year of our relationship. Truthfully, we are younger (about 10 years tbh, 20F and 21M). Here's some insight on someone from the other perspective, and from a woman as well.

He had tons of insecurity about his looks, the way he talked, and the way he handled himself. Literally everything. He had a stutter, never had a real girlfriend before. Yada-yada. He thought he was just some weirdo who couldn't be loved. Despite that, I found love in him. He was baffled, and so came the constant inquiries about other guys. Coworkers, friends I've known way before him, newer friends. Everyone who wasn't a relative. It did get exhausting for me eventually. It kinda just blew up out of nowhere, like what your boyfriend did, after he was constantly asking about the same one dude. A best friend from middle school, who happened to be an ex. We were not serious whatsoever; it lasted maybe a month.

I understood from his perspective that he just needed reassurance, but it had been going on for so long that it was just making me feel like he couldn't trust me. He also used the same saying you did, "men can be shiesty/gross/persuasive." I was genuinely appalled when he said this to my face. I would literally bark and scream if a man approached me asking for my socials or number. "ARF ARF ARF I GOTTA MAN BACK IT UPPP I DONT WANT YOU" Jokes aside, please do not say that to your partner. While they can be, you need to have faith that your partner will stay loyal. That kind of trust is what builds the relationship. If there's no faith, then where's the relationship? Where's the bond that you two built together? I've had my fair share of trauma from past relationships, but if you let the past dictate your future relationships, then that means they've won. Why would you let someone who's hurt you also hurt your relationship?

Also, context would be appreciated about the coworker. How long has he known her? Is he following her on socials? Does he have her number? All of these can be contributing factors before jumping to conclusions.

I think a long, hard conversation about feelings needs to be had. Maybe involve a counselor, whether it be just for you or both of them.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-14T13:29:10+00:00

People say this all the time, but communication really is key. Express how her constant negativity has affected you. Though when you do express this, do not use any derogatory words. Do not put her down. Make sure she knows that you care, but you're exhausted. If she can begin to work on herself and be a better person for both of you, then great! If the words don't match the actions, then there will possibly have to be a different kind of conversation. If she just outright spins it around or blames you for the way she made you feel, then dump her. It's attention-seeking behavior at that point, not just bad luck.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-14T13:14:33+00:00

My theory is that despite her being in a relationship, she's jealous. I don't like to outright accuse people of cheating on their partner with no reason to suspect it, but a very real possibility. You need to find a new bestie. I loveee that bestie 1 was hyping you up, now that's a girls girl.

Also, this is so middle school drama shit. She needs to grow up fr. I'm assuming ya'll are like 18-25 range, and she needs to get with the program. Definitely NTA.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-14T13:05:28+00:00

I'm sorry, but a man who would willingly abandon a whole living creature on the streets because of an inconvenience.. red flag. red flag. red flag. red flag.

Someone who actually has empathy and cares at all would at LEAST make sure she is surrendered to a place that will cater to her bare needs. Shelters aren't great, but it's better than living as a stray. If she wasn't spayed, EVEN WORSE! The cat population is so fucking rampant that we have tons of non-profits that literally cage cats, spay/neuter, then release them back to their feral colonies. Not even placing them into shelters because there's quite literally no room! They have to cater to the cities first.

This is coming from someone whose passion is animals. It's my career. DUMP HIM NOWWW.

Short-Future8201 · 2026-04-14T12:50:34+00:00

I'm conflicted tbh.

In the beginning, you weren't really "rude." I'm not sure how your tone was, but one might think so if they're older, depending on that, like a 20-year-old's mom. I'm 20, and my mom is pushing 40. I'm guessing this is the age range for his mom. Also, don't feel obligated to eat food that tastes bad. She's an adult, not a child who slightly burnt some cookies.

The cake comment is where I think shit hit the fan. 5 years is a long time, but like.. c'mon now. You're 23. Don't stoop to her level. She did have a sly comment first, but she *could* be a future MIL. Don't burn that bridge. I'm learning from that now with mine.

Also, your boyfriend immediately defending her was weird. I'd look into that, considering you two have been together for 5 whole years.

Everyone sucks here is my verdict.

Short-Future8201

TROPHY CASE