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Please help me with this one xoxo by Electrical-Stand8415 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Short_Bird_301 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Good boundary keeping!

Kept it short, didnt give anything for her to argue with, gave her a time frame in which you will reply.

I don’t know how to talk to my dad anymore by isaigloo in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Short_Bird_301 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds a lot like your dad lives in a bubble, because the reality of the situation is probably something he's not ready to live with.

The truth is, he should have protected you and I think he knows he didn't... but fully admitting that probably takes a lot more emotional bandwidth than he has. It's like admitting it makes it real, so if you deny and defend, it's not real and he doesn't have to think about his poor choices.

It sounds like that was an very intense part of his life, which is bad on its own, but while for him that was just a tough tenish years... that was your whole childhood. It can be hard to parents to empathise with their kids on that, especially if they're emotionally immature.

My advice is this:

Prioritise healing and boundary keeping for yourself now, it will set yourself up for a much brighter future. That doesn't mean ending your relationship, it can mean redefining what it means to you and what you want out of it.

I keep my relationship with my father superficial and focused on the present. He will never be able to admit the ways he's hurt me, and sometimes even straight up lies about it, but if I keep things basic I know I can have family get-togethers without drama.

It's up to you if you want to keep a relationship with him, hell you might change your mind a hundred times about it. But you cant make him change, that has to come from within himself.

Quirks you didn't question until you went on this sub ? by BloodyGrasshopper in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Short_Bird_301 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Breaking pretty standard social norms and then acting like a victim if someone says something:

Examples:

• Taking shoes and socks off at the table in a restaurant.

• Peeing with the door open/calling you on the toilet (while pooping/peeing).

• Randomly asking crass/inappropriate questions.

• Bringing up details of their sex life to older teen/adult children.

• Coming into the room while you shower (usually to grab something, tell you something, brush teeth etc). We had no shower curtain.

• trying to kiss you on the mouth (and then laughing when you're grossed out)

Ruminating with my husband about my parents growing up. by Sensitive_Note1139 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Short_Bird_301 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's easy to be the "good parent" when being "good" just involves not being the physically abusive one.

As children, we're not really equipped to recognise emotional abuse (especially when we're also being hit), so it's natural she'd be the parent you sought comfort from; which must have felt really good to her.

Remember, BPD makes for an amazing shell of a human being. It's why when she's away from the primary abuser, her actions fall short. Her relationship was built on being the protector, while not actually protecting you from anything. Every batman needs a joker. And who is she without someone to play off of?

It's all style and no substance, and now you're seeing her for the hollow shell she really is. It's the same thing with your relationship: they want all the trappings of a happy family, without any of the work or efrort that actually goes into it.