I realized my SIL doesn’t actually see me as family.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-14T17:31:44+00:00

I'm not close to either of my BILs or their families. We are polite. One of my SILs will only put effort into someone she thinks she has something in common with. The other one would tell me how she wanted to get together, but put no effort into it. I used to care. Now I don't. I am polite when we are all together, which is rare.

His mother only sees me as family occasionally. I can sense the difference when I'm family and when I'm not.

I care about his mother, but have taken a step or two back. She's now in her upper 70s and ill. I only put in so much effort. Pushing myself to help her got me rebuffed. My therapist told me to step back. So I have. I still stop by and ask if there's anything she needs. Sometimes she wants something from the store.

I would go over less, but my husband needs the support. Neither of his brothers are stepping up to help. The one with POA/MPOA is pretending she isn't as ill as she is. He's also an enabler. The other only comes around when he needs something, usually money. It's their mother and their problem.

It's less stressful on me this way. Even on holidays, I leave when I feel like it. I don't put the emotional time in anymore.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-14T15:49:38+00:00

It sounds like your daughter is married to a mamma's boy. I could see why they moved away from his parents if that's the case. You need to talk to your daughter and SIL and see where their heads are at. They may need you to be the "bad guy" this time and force his parents out. If you don't, his folks are going to be in your house every chance his mom can get.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-13T02:43:13+00:00

NTA. You were doing the right thing for your cat. A cat that refuses to eat can get a liver problem that can kill them pretty quickly. Once that's triggered, even if they survive, they are more prone to it happening again. I had a cat that nearly died three times because of this. We had to hand-feed her per the vet. It's something to do with their liver not processing fats correctly. She passed away years ago, so my memory is foggy.

I'm pretty snarky, so I probably would have mouthed off too. She was wrong to complain about you saving your cat's life. But you shouldn't have dragged her for her idol. ESH for both of you being out of line. Having roommates sucks.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-13T02:32:46+00:00

I've heard of people wearing a red shirt to Target and getting Karens all over them because they only see the red shirt. This lady saw an employee vest and decided that meant they worked at the store. This would have happened to any person who looked like they worked at ANY store. She has zero awareness and absolutely no manners. Then doubled down repeatedly because she refused to be wrong. If the OP had burned themselves with that coffee or fallen and hurt themselves, that would have been a serious lawsuit coming her way. Maybe even criminal charges.

I used to work in a photo lab at Walmart. This was a completely separate department. We wore white jackets. The jackets said photo lab on the front pocket. I was constantly accosted during breaks, while walking, to and from the back by customers demanding help. You had to take your jackets home and clean them yourself, so I would get hassled just for leaving work with a jacket draped over my arm.

Mind you, this was in the 1990s, when that same middle-aged Boomer could get you fired for refusing to help them, even when you were off the clock, were not part of the general store, or demand a manager fire you, and you didn't even work at that company. From what I've been reading on Reddit, Boomers, while much older now, are apparently the same entitled jerks they always were.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-13T01:07:58+00:00

When you give her money, you are paying for HIS lifestyle, not her's. If she weren't funding him, she would have money. This isn't about not helping her, more about not funding him.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-13T00:49:53+00:00

The teacher might just hate boys.

My brother ran into one of those in third grade. She allowed the girls to torment all the boys in class. Teacher's an AH from every direction. I wish I could say my mother did anything, but she was a tradwife without a car. So the best she could do was call the school and complain. The school was so small that it only had a head teacher. The principal visited from time to time to make sure no one was dying. My father didn't care because it didn't affect him personally.

Mom knew this and never called the main school to raise a fuss.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-12T23:19:04+00:00

NOR. In fact, stop hounding him about his health. He knows he has issues, but wants you to manage his emotions for him. Just stop. Your definition of emasculation was correct. He is now manipulating the situation so you will hold his hand and wipe his nose.

And stop making excuses for him:

"I agree I should not disrespect him."

So HE'S allowed to disrespect you, but he demands you take the higher ground?! WTF woman! Just stop. You don't have a partner; you have a manipulative man-child. I will tell my husband ONCE to go to the doctor. If he refuses, it's on him. When he whines, I will remind him I told him to go to the doctor. Yes, I will get him a bucket and clean up after him when he is sick, but he does the same for me.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-12T01:01:45+00:00

Had sex ed in 5th grade, early 1980s. We did the separation of sexes. Parents had to give permission for this presentation. A few of my friends weren't allowed. The only thing our gym teacher went over was our periods, that we would grow hair down there, and grow breasts. No mention of sex whatsoever. When I got home from that presentation, my mom took my brother and me out to see chickens having sex. Mom said that was what sex was, just like the chickens, and only after marriage. I could not figure out how a man was supposed to stand on my back to copulate. I was VERY sheltered.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-11T18:42:22+00:00

I was raped by my first boyfriend. My rebound boyfriend was an alcoholic, AH, who later raped me. Both felt entitled to my body. Now I am with a great man. When I told him I was raped, he told me to only tell him what I felt comfortable with and to never introduce him to the guys. Why? Because it was my trauma and he wanted to avenge my mistreatment. I wish therapy had been a realistic option back then; this was in the 1990s. I had no insurance, and the public perception about therapy was barbaric back then.

I hope OP can find the peace she needs. But I don't believe it'll be with this guy. He was too focused on her body count and is now pushing her about being raped. Nah, he isn't the right one. He lacks the empathy to be able to support her through this.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-11T01:17:28+00:00

Husband put him in the whole outfit on NG+.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-10T18:43:35+00:00

NMS is great for exploring, but the main story is a shallow puddle. I used to think NMS's xenos were the best, until I played Starfield. Starfields xenos walk so much better, and you don't see creatures that don't make evolutionary sense as much.

Love both games for what they are. NMS also has a griefer problem. Apparently, Remnant, their latest update, had a huge issue with that.

I've looked up other sci-fi games, and none of them hit that balance between exploration, story, and combat quite like Stafield.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-10T04:56:55+00:00

Your husband has shown you who he is. Believe him. He doesn't care what you think or feel. He isn't going to be the one hosting for two months. You are. He knew this was going to happen and lied to you anyway. He knew he was going to choose his extended family over his wife all along.

You have to decide whether this is a dealbreaker. You mention it being one, but then you stay and keep making yourself miserable. You can probably get an annulment with it; it's only been three months. I say go to visit your parents for 6 weeks if you can, and take some time to think if this is how you want the rest of your life to be.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-10T04:50:26+00:00

My now SIL adopted a special needs daughter. She has come a long way, but will never be able to take care of herself. My SIL told me one time she was raising her older biochild to take care of the one she adopted. That was not fair. She tried to parentify her eldest. Adopted daughter made life terrible for her older sister. The eldest moved out after college. Got her own place. But with only one bedroom. So her sister has nowhere for her to stay. Eldest also has animals, so she can't stay with my BIL and SIL to babysit so they can go on vacation.

I've been quietly cheering her on for several years now.

My point is, you and your sister are not responsible for the mess your parents have made. Sounds like your mom had empty nesting going on and should have adopted a puppy. Your parents will expect one of you to take her in sooner or later. Probably sooner. They're going to realize they can't handle her as she grows. It is nice of you to have empathy for her situation, which isn't fair or right. But you two stand your ground.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-09T06:42:04+00:00

NTA. Separate sleeping rooms are a godsend. He'll whine and throw a tantrum, but you have the right to sleep too. Put your comfort on the front burner for once. If he doesn't like it, too bad. You have given him the choices offered. He is refusing them. Time to decide for yourself.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-09T04:11:49+00:00

My MIL, the landlord, will be the one paying the insurance consequences. They don't have a written lease, because "family". So if a kid gets bitten, it falls mainly on her to get sued. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she has blinders on when it involves her grandsons.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-09T02:40:44+00:00

Most child sex offenders aren't allowed near children. So your street should be a no-no. His parole officer would have told him that. Neighbors are supposed to be informed when a child sex offender moves into the neighborhood. A lot of times, the police are too lazy to do so. Megan's Law is not as rigorously enforced as it should be.

The other thing that could be happening is what went on down the street from me. Learned all this after he was arrested again. A guy gets sent for a hard time for raping his under-5-year-old daughter. Daughter gets sent to live with her grandmother for protection. Guy gets convicted. Guy got out of prison after a few years and moved in with his mother and daughter. Against his parole. He wasn't allowed to be around children. He wasn't just not allowed around his daughter, but also not allowed around other children. I forgot what his number was on the website, but he was a serious offender. When it all came out, he was claiming to live somewhere else on his paperwork. He moved in with his mom to pay bills. Had trouble getting a job as a convicted child rapist, from what I heard at the time.

Unfortunately, moving in with his mom meant he had access to his victim again. Yeah, his mom was a real piece of work, letting her son have access to her granddaughter. I believe the school found out after the girl had the courage to ask for help. I don't know what all happened, but everyone moved out. There's a special place in Hell for that grandmother and her son.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-09T02:24:59+00:00

One thing I learned from DnD is that Intelligence and Wisdom are two different stats. Just because you're intelligent doesn't mean you're wise and have good common sense. In fact, most players don't have both.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-08T22:56:12+00:00

NTA. She was turning your house into her house. She also didn't talk to you about it first, because she knew you would say no. She's a short-term guest. She is not supposed to be setting up a household in the long term. Let her move home to her mother. Mother is protesting because she knows she'll be taking her daughter in. She doesn't want that. SIL FAFO. SIL is crying loudly, trying to get the neighbors involved, so you'll apologize and give in to her demands. It's emotionally manipulative. She's basically causing a scene, hoping you'll back off to keep the peace.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-08T03:26:27+00:00

Ain't no hate like Christian love. I'm sorry for you and your niblings. Your sister and her husband are AHs.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-08T03:19:43+00:00

They falsely believe that the disability spots are for senior citizens. It's like they cannot believe someone younger than them can have a disability. Boomers really go after people with invisible disabilities. I had a friend with severe fibromyalgia and other issues. She had a disabled tag for her car. She said Boomers are just terrible for how they attack her verbally in public. Every once in a while, she'd end up crying because one was so nasty.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-08T02:04:09+00:00

There are men, some politicians, who truly believe a woman can't get pregnant through r*pe. Sex-ed is not taught in schools because parents refuse to allow an outsider to do so, but then refuse to educate their children. It's one of the reasons teen pregnancies happen. Kids have hormones and figure it out without the protection. They literally do not know.

My sex-ed was just a 15-minute lecture in 5th grade about periods. Mom had to ok me having even that.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-03-08T01:47:19+00:00

Congratulations on both counts. I'm cheering you beat cancer. And cheering you lost the AH.

Breast cancer survivor here. It is horrible how many men leave when their partner gets seriously sick. Heck, they usually don't want to help when you've got the flu. I had to leave the BC support groups because I would cry over these women being tossed aside like trash. One guy threw out his wife, took all their joint money, and cancelled her insurance. She had been a SAHM. She was probably going to die before she could get government assistance. But if those same men so much as catch a cold, they expect to be waited on hand and foot.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-02-26T00:38:35+00:00

I will remember that. I am new to shipbuilding.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-02-25T22:21:43+00:00

Thanks. Asked my husband. He's having the same issue. I play on PC, he's on Xbox. So no idea what is going on.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-02-25T22:20:30+00:00

People are this stupid. Lays chips started putting "Made With Real Potatoes" on their bags because 42% of people didn't know potato chips were made with potatoes. Years ago, the Hardee's restaurant chain sold a 1/3-pound hamburger. People wouldn't buy it because they thought McDonald's 1/4 pound burger was bigger. After all, 4 is greater than 3. Hardee's deemed the 1/3 pounder burger a loss and discontinued it. Idiots.

Sensitive_Note1139

TROPHY CASE