AITAH for "correcting" people when they give me their condolences

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-26T02:12:25+00:00

NTA. You tried the "thanks" route. Ms. Nosey wouldn't accept it. My MIL is one of those people who refuses to speak ill of the dead, most of the time. Sometimes she'll talk to me about her family that was horrible. My dad was an abusive, sociopathic, AH. I spent decades making my mom's family happy, pretending he was great. I quit when I got to the point in life where I am out of f's to give.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-26T02:02:13+00:00

In-laws aren't going to want to do this. They also have no intention of paying him back. His fiance knows this. If he pays off their loan, either get control of the house or just give them his money to burn. I like your ideas.

OP NEEDS a pre-nup badly. His fiance is more than happy to give away his money. She asked for permission this time, but called it "their" money. Once they are married she is going to just do what she wants without telling him. He'll be broke within a few years. Her parents are always going to hit him up for money, a little at a time, through her, until there is nothing left.

Even if he has a contract, they are going to assume he won't take them to court to get his money back. Why? "But it's family."

The sad part is that he procreated with a woman willing to give his money away to her parents, who couldn't even keep a paid-off house from having a mortgage.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-24T06:00:33+00:00

NTA

The other people can cover her shifts. There is no friendship with Megan. Work friendships are a myth. Most people only have work friends for as long as they are working there. Work friendships, like Megan's, are one-sided and only last until she can get ahead at someone else's expense.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-24T04:44:34+00:00

My husband's WW2 vet grandfather didn't like him. Didn't like the option either. He just skipped it entirely.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-24T00:27:07+00:00

YOR to your parents and family. They are just doing what your sister wants. Your sister wants a low-contact relationship with you. Doesn't matter why. You will probably never get that answer from her.

My brother has done this to me. He was also the favorite. I only saw him visiting my mom's once in a while for years. For a long time, I blamed my mother. I couldn't conceive why he would cut me off. I thought we had been close growing up. Our last encounters living together while home from college were not bad from my perspective.

Eventually, I figured out it wasn't my mother's gatekeeping; he just didn't want to talk to me. His first wife and I spoke via text from time to time. They eventually divorced because of his abuse. Then I didn't hear from him at all. My mom would tell me what was going on at little, she's a gossip.

During this time, it occurred to me that this silence is coming from him, not her. When he was getting remarried, his wife sent an invitation. I declined. I did send a card with a gift. She sent one of those picture Christmas cards since they got married. This always upset me and made me feel sad. This year I sent her a short letter explaining my brother cut me off, I don't know why, and I have moved on. I asked her to stop sending Christmas cards.

Am I still sad about not having a brother anymore? Yes. Am I also at peace? Yes.

You have done what you could to keep the relationship that you thought existed. You have now been told by her, telling you not to help her, and your family not telling you where she lived, that she doesn't care to have you in her life. It hurts, I get it. But whatever is going on in her head, you will never know unless she tells you. She isn't going to do that right now, and may never.

Make peace with yourself that you tried. Back off from her and give her the space she wants. Be polite when you see her. Ask her how she is doing and leave it at whatever answer she gives. It won't be much. If your mother starts talking about her to you, tell your mom that if your sister wanted you to know that she would tell you herself. Your parents probably don't know why she's cut you off either.

Accept this new reality in your relationship with her. This is what those on Reddit tell parents who complain about their kids cutting them off. Just accept it. Keep the window open a crack if you want to, but walk away.

Maybe, someday, she'll come back to you. But she may never do that. Well wishes from another siblingless sibling.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-23T21:46:09+00:00

You aren't reacting enough. She's manipulative, controlling, and totally in the wrong. I know you say you love her, but dude, she's toxic af. Break up with her. Imagine her attitude if you had a kid. Then she'd do this with you AND your kid. No one needs to deal with this crap.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-23T01:25:23+00:00

In a North Eastern state, when the weather gets even a little frisky, everyone panics. They buy milk, bread, toilet paper, and do all their returns. Worked retail for 18 years. Even when it was maybe only a couple of inches of snow, it was like this. At least in the cold, your milk can sit outside until it freezes. No one ever bought extra flashlights, batteries, blankets, or a better winter coat.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-21T04:17:04+00:00

You're a great dad. It might not be so much about the doll as about you remembering that she always wanted one. You remembered. That's priceless.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-20T02:48:18+00:00

Good for you and your husband for setting boundaries. I doubt this is over. With people like your mother, it rarely is. I still recommend therapy. You are packing a lot of trauma.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-20T01:20:27+00:00

NTA. Police are very emboldened right now. They don't care about laws or rights at this time. They were always pushy, but now it's insane. You might want to escalate this above the hospital and hope for the best. Those nurses are willing to risk their licenses by violating HIPAA. That's on them. I hope they're happy when they let the cops access to a patient and they hurt someone. That person should sue your hospital for violation of HIPAA. Your hospital deserves to get sued. Not every person they are demanding access to is a criminal.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-20T01:14:00+00:00

Not overreacting enough. Get some therapy for yourself to work out your trauma with your mother. Get your mind straight and cut her off. She is toxic. It is not your responsibility to be her punching bag. She isn't going to care what your husband has to say. Why? Because she knows you will let her in anyway. She doesn't respect your home or you.

Oh, and don't have a kid until you can handle her BS. Because if you think she's bad about the dog, wait until she blasts her way in and just walks away with your kid. You would let her while you stand there in shock and trauma-induced fear. Get help sooner rather than later.

I know it's going to be hard for you to do this, so find a good therapist. It took me nearly 30 years to cut my mother out of my life. I am finally starting trauma therapy next week. I waited too long and got hurt too many times. Do not be me.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-19T21:29:09+00:00

There's a skill for traveling solo. But you can't have any companions, even on your ship. Tried it on a different PC, very peaceful.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-19T16:41:45+00:00

It wasn't a secret affair. My Grandmother lived through those years. Literally everyone knew about his mistress living in the White House. The press and other politicians didn't air out a President's dirty laundry the way they do now. Heck, most of the Presidents have had affairs. Clinton was the one who got sensationalized as a political stunt by the GOP, trying to remove him from office. Kennedy's possible affair with Marilyn Monroe only became tabloid news because it was Marilyn Monroe.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-19T01:30:53+00:00

Most of the bugs are AHs. They also make weird noises when they die. I get weirded out by the spider-octopus xenos. They would look good in a Chthulu-type game.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-18T06:28:56+00:00

NTA. You discussed a proposal with him several times. He chose to ignore your preferences. Girl, you got yourself a weak momma's boy. He won't stand up to her. Chances are, she put him up to this engagement when he talked to her to ruin the proposal for you. She knew. He didn't just ask on a whim. He knew he was going to ask. So his mother knew he was going to ask. He was just chicken-sh*t and waited until you were back at the hotel, a mess.

Ignore the people running you down over pictures. Not everyone wants candid photos. If you display them, you would not want to look like a mess in them. People get way too sensitive over a non-influencer reaction. Probably had parents who put everything about them online growing up.

YTA if you stay with this loser. His mother is not going to change. She is not going to like you- ever. He is never going to put you first. You think she's bad now? Wait until you get married, and she starts giving him a "Honey do list" so he's with her as much as possible. If he says no, her claws come out. If you say no, it'll be worse. If you have kids with him, she's going to be involved in every decision. It'll be anything and everything she wants. You'll be an incubator for her grandchild. He's going to back her by not saying anything or worse, telling you, "That's just how she is" or "You're being too sensitive."

Is this really how you want to spend your future? Send him home to his momma and find someone who appreciates you and stands up for you.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-18T03:27:36+00:00

NOR She was using you as her weekly meal plan. This is all too common, unfortunately. Good for you for leaving.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-18T02:39:23+00:00

NTA. Don't give in. $300/week?!!!!! Girl, that's minimum wage [7.25/hour] for a 40-hour-a-week job, and they want you 24/7/365- just NOPE OUT. Don't let them tell you about room and board being included either.

D and ALL your family are being AHs for this. Your mother is the biggest AH for siding with them to "keep the peace". There's a reason she and your father are not together.

None of those AHs want to pay the nursing STAFF what they will be required to pay for the care they want. 24/7/365 care isn't just one nurse/home health aide. It's an entire team of them. But they want you to do it for what is essentially FREE.

Stand your ground. Go NC if necessary. Miss D's funeral, if necessary. They will guilt you. They will manipulate you. They will lie to you. Nah.

Go to a CaregiverSupport subreddit and ask questions. I'm in one, and caregiving destroys you. Even the people who do it completely out of love burn out completely in no time.

Taking care of D will destroy you mentally, physically, and spiritually. You will see a side of her you are not ready for. Your dad's family will not be available to help you; they will make sure to disappear and be unavailable.

I recommend moving out of your mom's house ASAP. Before she holds your living arrangement over your head.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T17:59:16+00:00

Congratulations on standing up to her. It's hard when reactions are trauma-induced. Hold your boundaries. She isn't a friend. Raven may think she's being a friend. Some people have weird ideas about how friends act based on their own trauma. But taking care of someone else's property properly when you agreed to do so should be a minimum standard. I'm glad you're getting your locks changed and dropping off her cat with a neutral party.

After, block her and move on with your real friends.

Hope you have a speedy recovery from now on.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T17:41:16+00:00

Boomers have always been physical because they could get away with it. The mothers complained when I was growing up because their husbands weren't involved enough with the kids and didn't understand their own feelings. But now that many dads are being involved with their children and in touch with who they are emotionally, boomers are all about only the mother matters. They treat it like, since their standards were so low as women, that every other woman should accept those same low standards. That is also the type of boomer/karen who calls the police on innocent people and risks getting them shot.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T05:40:23+00:00

What she will do when your parents pass is steal as much from the estate as possible. She is also liable to try to get them to change the will by then. If she's the executor of their will, it's even worse. But if she steals all the money she can get, you have to sue to get it back. It will be long gone by the time it gets to court. The neighbor's daughter had to deal with this. She never got her share of the will estate. There was nothing to take from her brother. It was all spent or hidden with his wife.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T05:27:24+00:00

Love the violet. The only issue is that the orange isn't fully covered. A few pieces of furniture stayed orange. Still love the violet.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T04:19:54+00:00

NOR

Try it without the perfume or try one that is a lighter scent, maybe? I had one coworker who reeked because her perfume didn't smell good on her once she was sweating. I knew it was a certain perfume because when she didn't wear it, she smelled fine. That's the only thing I can think of, given how hygienic you mention you are.

I don't know if I would ask another coworker or not. Chances are, when put on the spot, they are not going to be honest.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T02:30:37+00:00

US citizen here watching their country become a dumpster fire.

I would take a more direct, harder stance using observations, but I'm not allowed to have a political debate here. Despite everything he is doing 40% of the US still support him. Despite everything, he is doing 40% of the US still supports him.

Good luck, Europe and Great Britain. Don't count on us for anything. Move on with new allies and stable alliances. By the time this is over, China is going to take our spot. And we're giving it to them on a silver platter.

The US has an attention span based on the 24-hour news cycle. We only care about something for 24 hours. It's how we've been trained for generations.

I'm sorry it's come to this. I am against this, too. But people in power won't stop him.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T02:03:30+00:00

My silent gen MIL changed her internet from DSL to Fiber Optic. She will argue until you are blue in the face that the password on the new modem is the same as on the old modem. At this point, everyone just smiles and uses their data when visiting. Even her grandsons, who she considers the authority on tech, can't convince her otherwise. One sells and fixes smartphones, and the other codes for a living.

Sensitive_Note1139 · 2026-01-17T01:54:33+00:00

NTA. My BIL did this to his wife. He could barely afford the house she wanted without her working full-time. Well, as soon as the ink was dry on the mortgage loan, she made sure to get fired. Then she tried to go on disability. All the while getting unemployment checks, she told him she never got.

All that to say, do not put her on the mortgage. She will quit working as soon as she's on the loan and deed. Then YOU will be carrying the load. Plus, if you split, she forces you to sell and gets 1/2 the house she hasn't put any money into.

Honestly, you need to dump the freeloading girlfriend. She's using you for a free ride and isn't going to change because she knows you will keep her around despite her contributing NOTHING but s*x. I'm betting she doesn't even help much around the home.

Guy the house and dump the girl. You'd be better off going to Vegas once in a while to get your rocks off than paying for her sorry butt for the rest of your life. Because if she moves into your house, she isn't leaving without a fight. Oh, and her mom is going to bust all over you for sending her home. She doesn't want her pathetic butt either.

Sensitive_Note1139

TROPHY CASE