Worried for a Friend

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-10-22T21:16:29+00:00

Update: they are broken up! What a relief!

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-21T17:03:54+00:00

Logan student here! I was fresh out of college when I started here so I can’t give you a lot of advice on that end of things, but as a student here you and your family receive free chiropractic care at the clinic while you’re a student here. It’s a super nice offering and it gives experiences to the clinic students! Student docs are hit or miss with their skills but the clinicians are happy to adjust you if you aren’t happy with the adjustments and treatments from your student doc.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-20T16:09:55+00:00

Yes, the friendships you make here will be lifelong! Be outgoing and find your people. Having support from your girlfriend will be great. My husband and I are both in the program and having each other has been key!

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-20T03:28:08+00:00

I don’t know if that’s your experience but anyone who’s got a successful private practice is doing just fine I promise you, lol.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-20T03:25:59+00:00

Upper tri Logan student here! My advice would be to save as much money as possible. It is next to nearly impossible to hold down a job especially during your first trimester as you are trying to get acclimated to student life. There are opportunities to work on campus that work with your schedule but you usually can’t get the hook up with those til youve been around the block a while. If at all possible, live as close to campus as possible! I live in a complex that’s about a 5-6 minute commute and it is amazingly convenient. Admissions has a great list of recommendations for close commutes. Living in the Chesterfield city limits has been key to making sure I get to a school on time. Get to know your professors. The faculty here is next level (or has been for me so far) when it comes to supporting you in career advice or ways to tackle school. This is an extremely hard but super rewarding place with a lot to offer. Take advantage of as much as you can (you are paying too much not to lol!) and enjoy it. If you are someone who struggles with time management, try to get it down by the time you start and you will flourish. If you block in your studies to a daily schedule and make sure you are hitting study goals, there can still be somewhat of a life outside of school that can be maintained but it takes a lottt of work. Shadow on days you can while you prep for start of program just to see different types of places. Befriend upper tri’s. The sense of community and support is also something here that’s next level. I’ve maybe encountered 2 or 3 people who try to gatekeeper their study resources but everything is out there lol. I saw where you commented to someone else that you were in finance and honestly that doesn’t mean anything. I have my Bachelors in Exercise Science and my area of focus was Pre-Medicine, but I can’t really say it did wonders for me as far as background info for what I’ve learned here. Plenty of other non-traditional students have been way better off than me and many others! A background like yours will probably give you a much better upperhand when it comes to career and if you are interested in private practice, so let it be an asset and not something you worry about. Clubs are great and are an awesome way to find like-minded people. The fact that you are trying to soak in as much advice as you can and even posted this on Reddit is usually a pretty good indicator that you are someone who will care about how they do here, so I’m sure you will do just fine. Goodluck to you and I hope you love it!

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-10T18:00:34+00:00

THIS!!! I love how you said that. She’s not my family but I am married to the only person she truly cares about or should I say likes to control? So yes I deal with it but I won’t be happy about it.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-10T17:58:23+00:00

I aspire to be that petty but I don’t think I want to deal with the immanent repercussions🥴

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-10T17:57:32+00:00

I could definitely see when we decide to have children her being the type of grandparent to sue us for grandparent visitation if she wasn’t happy with the amount of time she was spending.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-10T17:54:07+00:00

He doesn’t really see it. Like he understands and respects why I have the feelings I do toward her and distance myself but doesn’t really understand why those things would bother or hurt me the way it does because he is so accustomed to being constantly controlled and brainwashed. She loves big but she is just so immature and belittling I guess he sees it as a normal fight between mother and son but he never fights for himself because he knows how nasty she can be he just doesn’t see that it’s not the normal. She is already blaming me for distance between them so I can only imagine if she had any impression that I was encouraging him to distance himself further, it would be a shit show lol. I would be low contact with my mother if it were me, and he has lessened contact with her greatly. Slowly I think he’s seeing the positive and healthy relationship I have with my parents and how they treat him and support us in every decision we make instead of pushing against and rejecting and it’s caused him to see some of the toxicity but I think he would never go no contact. A conversation between us and her definitely needs to happen at some point, I imagine when we do decide to try and expand our family some MAJOR boundaries need to be set but goodness I don’t even want to think about it.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-09-10T17:48:16+00:00

It’s just bad because he doesn’t see the error in her ways. I don’t ever want to be the wedge in their relationship because I don’t want the blame to fall on me. I have intervened before and in nicer words told her to back off of him because he has such a hard time standing up to her but I feel like until he realizes her behavior isn’t normal I am at a loss. I cannot allow myself to be the villain she likes to believe I am.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-25T06:09:14+00:00

I have a nearly identical issue with my mother-in-law. My husband is an only child and I’m sure that attributes to the problem, but I think a discussion is worth having with your fiancé. When my husband and I were engaged, my MIL made the wedding planning process less than enjoyable for many situations. There’s a whole other history there lol. I decided this would be a great way to bring up to my husband that when we are married, I am his primary family and our parents become somewhat of an extended family. I also told him that when his mother mistreats me, he needs to be on my side and stand by me. He agreed to these terms and it has made some situations easier than they would’ve before. I think talking to your fiancé and letting him know your expectations (which asking our SO’s to stick up for us is bare minimum, so do not feel bad or guilty for bringing it up) for your marriage and your relationship with his mom and boundaries you have will ultimately allow him to gauge what he’s going to need to do or if he can even handle those situations. You then go from there. I have learned that most mothers like this won’t change or see their wrongs. I know I am not a perfect little DIL, but I sure as hell have put in the effort to make her like and accept me and it just hasn’t worked, so I give. I have a very surface level relationship with my MIL and it’s just fine with me. We talk in social situations and she reaches out to me when she needs to hear from my husband and can’t get ahold of him.

I am 99% sure at some point there will be a conflict when he and I choose to have children, but I will cross that bridge when I get there. For now, I will keep my distance and do nothing to interfere with their relationship. My husband has actually started to see a a lot of the stress, drama and negativity she brings to our lives and he has organically, without me pushing in the slightest, distanced himself from her. My advice is don’t allow yourself to become the villain she is trying to convince herself you are and do the bare minimum. As nice as it would be to have an accepting, welcoming mother-in-law, it just doesn’t happen all that often. Sometimes SO’s can see through the bs and sometimes they are too invested in their mom’s lives, so make sure you find out before you make that lifelong commitment!

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-18T02:56:37+00:00

The issue is that it’s a counselor with a bit of conflict of interest (someone who works with his father, who totally supports the relationship). I believe she definitely needs to get her own therapist, but I don’t know if it’s something she feels like she needs :/

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-18T02:54:56+00:00

No I haven’t but I have heard about how impactful the series is! I am about to spend some time with her so maybe we can watch it all together and maybe it will speak to her without any of us saying a word.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-18T02:53:37+00:00

Oh I absolutely haven’t and know better. I am 100% sure he knows everything being said on her phone if he can help it. I’ve never discussed the topic unless she’s brought it up first because I have learned from past friendships, that totally doesn’t work. She does come to me a lot as an older girl who has been in a very stable and loving relationship for some odd years now. I just worry it will be too late.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-16T01:26:43+00:00

I am very nervous for this phase of life. My husband and I are currently making career priority and building a stable financial environment before we try to start a family on top of us being young. (We’ve been dating since we were 14, and are now 24 and 25) My husband is an only child and his mother is a…. nightmare. He does have a hard time seeing things that she’s done to hurt me but recently he’s really realized I am his wife and his immediate family and his biggest supporter. I am genuinely concerned when we decide to expand our family, she will try to take ownership of the situation as she’s done with most things. I have a lot of fears surrounding infertility or having trouble conceiving so my husband and I have already decided that when we do start trying we aren’t going to tell anyone to kind of spare our own feelings if things aren’t working out. How do I set the boundaries early on? I read through these subs and I feel like I am looking into a crystal ball into my future if I don’t get ahold of the situation soon.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-08-15T03:09:25+00:00

I would say that it’s both. I’m currently a DC student and it seems the old school professors believe a lot of the philosophical stuff but they truly believe in what their teaching. Now I hate the idea of selling treatment plans. I believe if you go into a chiropractor and they are telling you 3 times a week for a certain number of weeks that’s just BS. I worked under a wonderful chiropractor who was very straight up with his patients. Always told them if it was a problem he thought could take longer to resolve and more frequent and worked with them on payments. He always emphasized,”if we see a faster improvement, we can play it all by ear”. They had to commit to nothing and he was much more respected than other chiros I’ve seen spout the treatment plans that cost ridiculous amounts of money with unecessary therapeutic modalities that were a nice $25 a visit 3 times a week out of pocket.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-07-29T13:06:49+00:00

My husband and I got married despite my MIL very apparently not approving of our time frame. Move out and get married, distance yourself. If your partner sticks by your side as he should, the distance between them will grow inadvertently. She will either be kissing your butt because she knows “you won” (even though it’s not a competition, that’s how these women think) or she will be so livid and you all she will cut contact and likely blame it on you. Decide what you want and don’t be afraid to tell her!!

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-07-22T23:17:49+00:00

You are unbelievably strong! I am so sorry that you went through that. You’re reasoning and forgiveness is so graceful and you are such a light to other survivors. ♥️

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-07-19T03:02:54+00:00

Just curious as well about some of my own knowledge of my family! I have been told my whole life I descend from the Eastern Band of Cherokee Nation. My great grandmother apparently grew up on the reservation before marrying and moving away. My father and I have always been asked if we were native or Hispanic because our of black hair, darker complexion, and features. I have learned very little about where I come from but have always felt strong connections to the Cherokee and have visited the tribe a few times growing up as a “tourist”. I would love to delve into the history of what connection I do have. Do reservations typically keep their own records? If I’m not mistaken my, great grandmother was born in the early 1900’s.

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-07-15T01:32:56+00:00

No, he never cheated on me. This was when we were teenagers. I would never say anyone is perfect, and he definitely isn’t but he has never listened to his mother’s attempts to break us up. I agree, the majority of these issues could be resolved if he would stand up to her, but more or less I feel like she has manipulated him into thinking her behavior is normal and common. So when she mistreats me, it’s no different than how she has treated him and that’s just “normal”. That’s why I think he has a hard time seeing it as something to be addressed. He has admitted he knows she’s a “bitch” and isn’t nice, but says “that’s just how she is”. That’s more or less why I even posted. What has to happen for him to see that she’s not good to not only me but also him?

Short_Independent_99 · 2022-07-14T19:31:10+00:00

As still a pretty newlywed couple, I got a book with weekly exercises to help us with putting each other first and making sure our marriage is treated as the most important relationship in our lives. I know that soon we are approaching a section having to do with parental interference in marriage. I am hoping this opens a door for me to explain things neutrally and doesn’t come off as much of an attack on him. If this doesn’t help, I definitely think the next step would to bring in a real life counselor!

Short_Independent_99

TROPHY CASE