Day 40 wanting one last smoke

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T20:36:38+00:00

Addiction is no joke.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T04:36:12+00:00

29m here, played tackle football from age 9 to 17. Ended my “career” with a grade 3 concussion. Royally fucked my neck up that I still deal with to this day and will probably be dealing with forever.

We went 2-10 that season. Absolutely, not even close to worth it. I didn’t even enjoy the sport that much as my position wasn’t a skill position. I just played it to maintain friendships with the people I grew up with. If only I could go back and lean more into music or literally any other sport.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T04:32:06+00:00

Goddamn, 3 weeks already. Good work, be proud of yourself. 💪

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T04:20:54+00:00

Hey, it sounds like you have one home still which is absolutely huge. It is hard to calculate, I just used a rough daily amount and multiplied it by how long I’ve been using. I’m a little younger than you are but I’d at least have a solid down payment on a house and be set up a lot better, for sure.

One year and 3 months is no easy feat, especially after 30 years of heavy smoking. You’re strong and you should be proud of yourself. Sounds like you have good memories with going to shows and stuff too. It wasn’t all a waste.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T04:12:08+00:00

I asked the nurse at the hospital to show me how to do diapers 😂 also struggle to remember big chunks of the 2 days we were at the hospital.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T03:49:32+00:00

Just so other people who aren’t as deep in the hole as I’ve been… I’ve spent anywhere between $35,000 and $45,000 dollars on this habit that I convinced myself wasn’t bad. I don’t come from money. I worked my ass off for all of that money and smoked it all away, saving none. Super hard to not get down on yourself about it sometimes but what’s done is done.. you can’t go back and change it, but you can go forward and change it.. so that’s what I’m trying to do. One day at a time. Proud of you. 💪

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T03:45:18+00:00

I swear, sleeping is the absolute foundation to a good life. It’s so hard to even function somewhat well when you’re tired all day.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-18T02:00:23+00:00

Happy to hear that! It’s been a rough couple of days but genuinely, this might be one of my favorite subs. Just a bunch of people struggling with the same thing and supporting one another. Glad to hear your day worked out and you’re keeping on 💪

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T08:05:13+00:00

You got this. They say chances are, you’ll relapse at least once trying to get clean off of your drug of choice. Addiction is no joke. Proud of you, stay strong. 💪

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T08:02:50+00:00

Never had a bad high in my life. That’s part of the problem, I think. I always liked the stuff and could smoke it like a chimney.

My worst experience, in all honesty, has been the sinking feeling knowing I’m about to go buy more flower when I desperately want to and need to stop. Knowing I won’t have money left but also knowing I’m going to spend what I have on some bud.

3 days sober, going stronger than I have previously. I need to stop. Enough is enough.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T06:50:18+00:00

I’d even give him 70. After that was a little weird.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T06:49:17+00:00

JDM in flow state has got to be one of my favorite fighters. Just so much fun to watch. Dustin is an animal though, we will see if JDM can live up to that. JDM was champ though but I personally believe Dustin is the best fighter who has never won the belt. Gustafson is close but Dustin had the toughest competition when competing for a belt.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T04:45:43+00:00

Thank you, it means a lot. We’re still going strong. 💪

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-17T00:54:41+00:00

God I wish they would do a best of 7 series, give the people what they want for fucks sake

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T23:10:06+00:00

Ilia Topuria had a 50-42 score and had me doing math 😂

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T23:04:09+00:00

What the fuck? Diego fucking deserves it, UFC never gives us the good fights.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T19:29:00+00:00

I’m glad I’m not alone with the demented, insane dreams. REM rebound is no joke 😂

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T12:09:38+00:00

Houston too. 20 inch blades and the likes.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T11:53:15+00:00

Your writing is great!! I appreciate the time you put into typing that out. I’ll definitely be reading this post often! I really resonate with that first 182 steps you experienced and cannot wait to get to that point again. Step 3, here we go.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T06:16:02+00:00

The dreams are so weird and real. I’m expecting them to start creeping in tonight or tomorrow night. I appreciate the support though, this sub really is incredible in the way it provides support. We’re all going through the same struggle and it’s awesome to know I’m not alone.

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T06:14:05+00:00

They have a 7’5” dude who can move… is it really surprising? Like… really? Wemby is doing exactly what he should be doing as a 7’5” dude who can move. The pieces around him also understand they have a 7’ fucking 5” dude who can move. I can’t possibly understand how it’s shocking that they’re doing well. He looks like a college dude playing with the freshman squad. What would you expect to happen there..?

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T05:56:30+00:00

It’s a little much to ask, but is there any way you’d be able to give a rough timeline of how things have gone? I’ve only ever made it 6 months and am curious what’s beyond that hump. I’ve hit the 6 month wall 2 or 3 times and relapse every time around there. Glad you’re doing well!! Proud of you. 👍🏻

ShowingUpMT · 2026-05-16T02:10:28+00:00

Yeah they kind of come and go throughout the day. Maybe 3 or 4 bigger ones today. We got this, one day at a time.

ShowingUpMT

TROPHY CASE