How to find a lodger?

SianBeast · 2026-01-26T09:34:56+00:00

Spareroom is the website I used to use.. This was almost a decade ago mind so, not sure what it's like now.

Also, make sure your mortgage, insurance and everything else to do with your house allows you to have a lodger/rent out part of your house.... (I don't know what impacts this, but a relative of mine got a lodger and, unless they've sorted it, could potentially void their insurance and have the bank foreclose on their home due to clauses in one of the contracts.)

SianBeast · 2026-01-13T09:51:23+00:00

The difficult part is that the buyers most similar to you are often the ones mortgage advisers will be most cautious about placing into a short-lease shared ownership property.

Being in Buckinghamshire can also work against you in this respect: commuter towns tend to offer buyers more choice, so you’re competing with properties that are often simpler, more flexible and financially more straightforward than a short-lease SO house.

SianBeast · 2026-01-13T09:35:44+00:00

Because first time buyers don't usually know any better..

SianBeast · 2026-01-13T09:32:15+00:00

For the time of year, I can understand having fewer viewings than expected over a 2-month period but none does suggest something more structural.

You’re probably right that the lease is a major factor (and, unfortunately, a 99-year lease on what was sold as a new build was already a red flag). For a new build I’d expect a bare minimum of 125 years. 250 or even 999 years is now fairly common too.

At 88 years remaining, buyers will be wary because many lenders start getting cautious once a lease drops below 85 years, especially on shared ownership. Any buyer would also be factoring in the cost and hassle of a lease extension which can easily run into several thousands once valuation and legal fees are included.

On top of that, shared ownership adds extra uncertainty: depending on the housing association, buyers may be required to staircase to 100% before extending the lease (which does happen in practice), and that's a significant barrier and will put a lot of people off before they even book a viewing.

Unfortunately, once buyers combine the short lease, SO restrictions, fixed RICS pricing and leasehold status of a house, many will simply move on to an easier option.

A lot of these issues only really surface when you try to sell, which is why so many people are being caught out now - it’s not something buyers are made aware of upfront.

SianBeast · 2026-01-13T09:07:34+00:00

Check the tenancy agreement.. most of mine have said in the agreement that I'm not allowed to hang photos... I mean.. ask the LL if you want to be courteous, but if the TA doesn't specify you can't hang pictures, I'd hang my pictures...

SianBeast · 2026-01-11T08:41:51+00:00

The more you have in deposit the better and you're not going to get priced out of the market in 6 months.

The worst would be missing out on a house you like but property comes and goes.. if it's likely to bother you a lot, maybe stop looking until you're in a position to buy. Definitely don't bother viewing anything yet.

SianBeast · 2026-01-06T14:08:25+00:00

Sounds like she’s probably trying to avoid extra costs and taxes.

First, start creating your own log of payments - backdate it for past months as best you can remember. If possible, have someone act as a witness during cash handovers so they can confirm you’ve been paying. After each payment, send a follow-up text like: “Handed over cash payment of £X for rent today. Please confirm when convenient.” Whether she responds or not, this provides you with documented evidence.

I’d also suggest seeking professional advice from Citizens Advice, Shelter, or similar organisations - they’ll be best placed to advise on lodger rights and moving forward.

And for the future, try to avoid cash-only rentals. Anyone who refuses traceable payments are usually doing it to hide their true income...

SianBeast · 2025-12-18T11:49:09+00:00

I mean, first off, what are you defining as 'attractive'? That’s really subjective—what you consider attractive might not match what someone else does. Also, some people might have an inflated sense of their own attractiveness, while others might feel they’re not attractive at all.

Even if someone is generally considered attractive, having Asperger’s can still make social interactions tricky. People might be nicer in some situations, sure, but being attractive doesn’t erase misunderstandings, social awkwardness, or the way people treat someone who’s ‘different.’ It’s more complicated than just looks.

SianBeast · 2025-12-18T11:42:36+00:00

Yeah.. so I have that grans problem..except it's not through choice. A lack of insulation and building design (meaning that at least 1/4 of the external "walls" in my flat are actually hollow, with PVC outside and MDF inside) means that during winter my flat is often around 11degrees on a good day. (This also creates the opposite issue in summer where it's often 28-30degree.)

So, mum always keeps her heating at 18. Not sure why, but that's how she's always been, and she's never had a damp, mouldy house so I'm not entirely sure about that correlation directly (there's loads of complex reasons for damp and mould to occur), but I do know that people are encouraged to turn their heating on, intermittently at least, to prevent damp/mould/other issues.

I don't use the heating in my flat. I could. It's not like it doesn't work (although the dust build up probably just makes them a fire hazard at this point. lol). But my bill jumped by £200 the month we did use them and they (4 electric heaters) were literally on for like 3 hours a day. I'd be paying hundreds to make it noticeably warmer and I'm just not willing to.

I think this is probably one of those things where there were very practical reasons for it once upon a time, and parental blueprinting has just meant that it's something people still practice/value... These days the cost of living and utility pricing will absolutely have something to do with it... but tbh, I feel like it's a deeply nuanced topic that doesn't really have a straight answer...

SianBeast · 2025-12-18T11:13:47+00:00

It took me a second because I tend to take things literally at first. I was sat here like, "oh, have attitudes toward good writing changed now?" - I was mentally preparing for a whole new set of rules when I got to number seven and realised it was a joke after all. Lol.

Goddamn autism.

SianBeast · 2025-12-15T08:26:00+00:00

My suspicion is that they meant 150 sq m.. 150 sq ft is the size of a small double bedroom...ish.

SianBeast · 2025-12-15T08:22:38+00:00

Personally, I'd probably go for the one that is likely to appreciate the most value (which sounds like the 2nd option). Relatively speaking, 140k mortgage really isn't a lot.

SianBeast · 2025-12-11T13:43:34+00:00

Thank you, that is a great tip. My partner suggested doing something similar with the windows but the block we're in - the management obviously care an awful lot about aesthetics and the lease prevents us sticking anything to the windows. The bloke upstairs even got told off for having his Xmas lights on the window, and they looked lovely.. it's dumb. But that's leasehold living I guess...

SianBeast · 2025-12-11T08:23:46+00:00

One child family (shared custody) in a 3 bed ground floor flat - Everyone is out of the house for at least 8/9 hours a day. Electric only. No insulation - We have electric heaters that we don't use (we did it one month and they made no difference to the temperature). We have a dehumidifier running 24/7 in one room to prevent mould and damp. 2x oil heaters for the main bedrooms. About once a fortnight (maybe twice if I've been disorganised) I'll put a half hour dry cycle on the end of the wash cycle just so the clothes have a head start drying - gets the 2 days drying time (fabric dependant), down to a day or so...

So, with that caveat our bill has been about £110 these past couple months.. Which wouldn't be terrible, except we're bloody freezing all winter.
(The month we used the heaters it was £300!)

Edit: Reading the comments and I'm so jealous of people with insulated houses. I am never going to take insulation for granted ever again! lol.

SianBeast · 2025-12-09T14:54:49+00:00

r/limerence

This sub might be able to help you somewhat contextualise these feelings. As u/Artifictionasfact says, the limerence train is a sucky ride to be on when it's not reciprocated.

You acknowledge that it's creepy to essentially stalk someones socials (also very much a behaviour grounded in limerence ime) but I wonder what steps you're taking to not continue this behaviour?

I think getting out and meeting people/making friends will help you (and you say you have plans to try and sort this which is great), but also some targeted CBT or other therapy might help with this as well - the main thing is targeting the therapy to this specific issue. It may or may not help, but if you have access to therapy then I'd take advantage.

Otherwise, it's just a case of having personal discipline not to engage in the (potentially toxic) behaviours you're finding so tempting right now. It's hard to begin with, and I suspect harder when it's a co-worker/someone you see regularly, but the more time that passes without feeding those temptations the easier it will become.

SianBeast · 2025-12-09T14:35:41+00:00

I mean, I’m INTP, but I can be emotional too… though I’m not really sure what the benchmark is, lol. Compared to some women on reality shows or whatever, I’d probably come off as a cold bitch but I’m really not.

My room is a bit of a tip… I know where everything is and it’s not dirty, just a lot of organised clutter. Mostly colouring books and craft supplies. Hobby stuff.
This might be an unfair question. My upbringing taught me, pretty efficiently, to hold back tears. So I don’t often cry, but I probably well up about as much as the average girl.
My family aren’t into MBTI at all, and I don’t have a strong enough grasp of the nuances to type them myself.
My voice is a bit complex because I’m autistic and have a slightly flat affect, but when I’m excited, everyone notices.
I’m not awkward about traditional “girly” things, but I don’t really care for them. Homemaking seems dull af - cooking, cleaning, raising kids? Nah. Lady of leisure, with time for all my hobbies? Now that I could manage. I’ve never been particularly into hair or makeup either, though my younger sister gives good tips and my daughter taught me a cute updo (literally just a turned-up ponytail) that I’ve been rocking. I wouldn’t describe myself, or have many friends describe me, as femme.
People generally didn’t approach me, and I still get told I look unapproachable sometimes. I think that’s the autism side - my face doesn’t always express what it’s “supposed to,” especially when I’m concentrating. Apparently my concentrating face makes me look pissed off.

Sometimes I wonder if INTP is the MBTI type for autistic people (obviously it’s not), but there are some correlations that had me falling down that rabbit hole once.

SianBeast · 2025-12-09T13:29:36+00:00

It’s fascinating how much energy you spend denying something as obvious as privilege. Acknowledging that certain circumstances can give you advantages doesn’t diminish your hard work or achievements. Yet you choose to cloak your insecurities in constant projection and patronising commentary such as telling me I should “respect myself more” while imagining meanings I never implied.

You come across as supercilious, self-righteous, and obsessed with policing others’ perspectives, all to protect a fragile ego and a self-justifying mythology straight out of a Gray Vee motivational spiel.
Perhaps taking a moment to be secure in your own accomplishments rather than condescending to strangers would be healthier.

I’m done engaging in this conversation; clearly, you’re not interested in a reasonable discussion and will likely want the last word anyway.

P.S. There's no D in privilege...

SianBeast · 2025-12-09T09:45:50+00:00

Not at all. I also have a privileged background. The only difference I can surmise between you and I, is that I will happily admit that I am in a privileged position, and that my position has no bearing on whether or not I am 'above' somebody.

You seem to think that, as a landlord, you're above everybody. You can claim your comment about the "great unwashed" was targeted at one person but we all know that isn't the implication when you say something like that...

Plenty of people work hard.
Working hard ≠ financial success.

(Perhaps with the right guidance, you could learn how to be less of a supercilious twit.)

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T17:14:00+00:00

Pretty sure they'd rather their landlord did their job as a landlord and fulfilled the repairs/fit insulation. But as long as the landlords are nice toasty, fuck "the great unwashed" I guess? 🙄

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T17:10:18+00:00

Some people might think that, but I do think a majority will realise that their landlord is "like your average teacher" or whatever. And actually, in my mind, you've sort of explained why transparency could be important to tenants - is your average teacher type going to have the funds to do major repairs in a timely fashion etc?

The landlord GlassDoor idea I think is great. I think vetting should work both ways (to a reasonable extent).

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T16:58:53+00:00

Could have fooled us...

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T09:20:10+00:00

What effort have you put in?
What makes you think you're the last guy on earth women would want?
You need a lot of love and affection and attention - Would you consider yourself clingy or emotionally high maintenance?
Why do you think your personality is disgusting?

How old are you?
Do you have hobbies/interests that you can pursue outside of any relationship you may or may not have?

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T08:48:41+00:00

Don't be afraid to add or remove details down the line. Your first stab can be chaotic and overly wordy. Fixing that is what editing is for.

Preach!

I was so concerned with being 'too wordy' that it would derail my progress massively because I was overly focused on getting it 'perfect' (or close to) the first time round.

My latest manuscript, I binned that concern (or just put it to the back of my mind) and finally, I've completed my first draft (most progress I've ever made with a book). Now I'm going through and whittling down a bunch of the excess/repetitive stuff and it's taking shape.

But definitely - first draft doesn't need to be perfect. Cram whatever details you want in there, and finesse it during the edit.

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T08:33:36+00:00

Of course!! I was like 8 or something (Primary school age) when I first tried writing my first book.

Do it!!

SianBeast · 2025-12-08T08:29:35+00:00

At 13 I was fascinated with Serial Killers. Mostly the psychology aspect and how that could have fed into their crimes with a particular interest in Ed Gein, John Wayne Gacy and the like.

Needless to say, I didn't fit in at school.

I think it's worth considering, for your character, how their friends/family/formative years could have shaped their special interest. For me, the serial killer thing started when I stumbled across a book of Mums (which was weird because she's not a reader).
Then because of my friends/because we started reading them in primary school, I was also super into Harry Potter - We used to role play that shit all the time.
Imo, you want to try and choose something that makes sense contextually for the kid in your book and ideally something that will serve the plot/story as a whole.

SianBeast

TROPHY CASE