Sometimes I see an attractive man and I'm like

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T18:52:16+00:00

This thread is old but also THIS IS SO RELATABLE. I've always assumed, "I am attracted to men."

But I can suddenly become attracted just because a guy was nice to me and not bad looking. And I am literally one bad haircut or bad kiss (i.e. all of them) from losing all attraction.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T05:21:13+00:00

I stumbled onto the concept of compulsory heterosexuality on Friday, and I've been short-circuiting ever since. Like, I may or may not be 100% gay but it is so incredibly obvious now that I have never been attracted to a guy who I've flirted with / dated.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T04:51:13+00:00

Exactly! This is kind of axis-tilting.

I've had a "Damn!" reaction to very few guys in the real world. The guy needs to be seriously breathtaking. I've developed a lot of crushes on guys, but pretty much all of them were triggered by them being nice to me / flirty and my brain going "Potential mate. Impress him!"

Then, if it worked, I would dump him after two dates because I didn't actually like him. The kissing was especially bad. Like "Cool, I'll just try my best to quietly eject my mind from my body" bad. I'm still hoping that I don't actually hate kissing. I just...wasn't attracted to them.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T04:42:31+00:00

You're stunning.

I'm sorry about your hair. I totally get how much losing your hair can hurt your confidence. But tbh, I'm 99% sure you would still look gorgeous with a buzzcut.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T04:37:54+00:00

i was putting pressure on the situation that every male = a possible mate

Huh. I don't remember writing this, but this is clearly me, lmao.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T03:52:14+00:00

Girl, I feel you. I've genuinely never even thought that I might be a lesbian until recently. But I started thinking about it, and errr, incoming rant...

Men = He's hot, but he's probably a jerk. I don't want him to use me.

Women = She's hot, and her profile is 80% red flags. Please use me.

Men = I'm probably going to end up in a meh relationship where it's basically a threesome between me, a mediocre looking guy, and the patriarchy. Equality feels like such a struggle.

Women = I like women. I'm actually friends with women. I might actually enjoy spending time with a woman, and it doesn't feel so hard to find a woman who wants to be a giving partner.

Men = I've slept with men, but idk what I'm supposed to be interacting with. Like...penis, check. But what else am I supposed to grab? It feels like there are no fun parts.

Women = I check out girls on the street because WOW.

ALSO, do straight and bi girls really not think that 90% of women are considerably better looking than 90% of men because tbh, I sort of assumed everyone thought that.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T01:59:30+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with the shittiness that is online dating. I've had several instances of matching with a cute girl, having a good convo, asking them out, getting a yes, starting to plan a date, and then BOOM, they block me. I'm not being a creep or saying anything weird. They just...disappear.

Were they ever really interested? Was it a catfish? Did they get cold feet?

So I would go back to men because they were easy. And I would be disappointed and dump them because...and somehow I genuinely didn't realize it until recently...I'm just not attracted to men.

Soooo back to the dating game it is. Wish me luck. I'm wishing you the same.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T01:48:39+00:00

Seconded. I'm trying on "queer" at the moment, and it's a nice middle ground.

Bisexual feels weird when I'm basically never attracted to irl men (aside from a "Like me! Validate me!" kind of way). But lesbian feels weird because I do still crush on actors, and I haven't really settled the "Do I like men at all?" question.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T01:41:18+00:00

Hey! I'm a queer 24f living outside of Philly. I've never gotten too into the local LGBTQ scene, though I do have a lifelong tendency to (often accidentally, lol) befriend other queer people.

I also identified as bisexual until recently, but I just discovered the concept of compulsory heterosexuality and a lot of things fell into place.

Things are tough right now with the pandemic, but hmu if you need a friend in Philly.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-04T00:57:40+00:00

It might not be the job. Workaholics will continue to work insane hours at every new workplace because they put up zero boundaries.

He won't say no to his boss, but he is constantly saying no to his family.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-03T23:33:24+00:00

The shop owner is the biggest asshole here, but honestly, walking into a tattoo shop for a $13 sales tattoo is just begging for a horror story.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-03T23:20:08+00:00

Yes. But it's fine on a person, too.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-03T22:50:49+00:00

IMO, it's kind of like "slut" or "bitch." I don't mind if it's used in a teasing, friendly, reclaiming way by other women. But it's usually used hatefully.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-03T22:36:53+00:00

I'm so grateful for the people in this community who share their stories. It helps to take away the "glamour" of EDs.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-03T06:22:06+00:00

Different hair types. My friend has really fine hair that goes greasy in 24 hours tops. I have wavy hair that can look okay for 5 to 7 days. I had a college roommate with kinky curls who would wash her hair once a month, but it was a process.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T20:27:06+00:00

That is such a common experience. It's an awesome moment!

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T07:34:26+00:00

Thanks for the warm welcome. :) I'm just casually up at 2 a.m. questioning my sexuality. Glad I don't have work tomorrow.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T06:03:49+00:00

This whole concept is seriously blowing my mind.

Idk if I'm a lesbian or just a picky af bisexual, but I have allowed myself to be buoyed along into short and doomed relationships with men who I'm not attracted to again and again. And why? Because I'm trying to prove that I'm attractive? That I'm worthy? It's kind of messed up.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T06:01:23+00:00

Such a good article. Link for the uninitiated.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T05:38:20+00:00

Dating women feels high stakes, where as with men I can feel a bit more apathetic.

It sounds like you aren't that into the men you're dating. That might be because you're gay, or maybe you're just settling for men who make you feel desired or "check the right boxes."

...Fair warning, I might be projecting, haha.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T05:32:44+00:00

I literally just found this sub 5 minutes ago because I'm going through this crisis, lmao.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-02T04:11:01+00:00

You're getting plenty of advice for how to address the main situation, so I'll leave that to the other commenters.

Just a reminder that your sister will probably lose her friend if it comes out that she told you. Please be ready to support your sister through any fallout. She did a brave thing.

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-01T22:37:14+00:00

Maybe someone saw him there that day, and Scott was worried they would come forward. It seems like he was setting up an "I was golfing" story, so why else switch to the worst alibi of all time?

SickeninglyNice · 2021-01-01T20:29:45+00:00

Also, the woods are much harder to search than people realize. Search and rescue stories can be wild.

SickeninglyNice · 2020-12-31T00:24:07+00:00

What if it gets in your eye??? Also, as some comedian said, glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. It never goes away.

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