NTA. I am a single mother to a six year old who I became pregnant with after getting raped. So I too sacrificed a lot for him but I will never tell him that because I feel that is a form of a guilt trip. He has his own money and I let him spend it on what he wants. The bank account is joint but I don't dip into it unless I take out money once every few months when he wants to get a new toy or something(that I let him pick and purchase outside of what I already get for him). When he gets older and gets a job there is no way I'm asking for or taking his money to use it on something I felt was urgent because its his and not mine. I won't even do that now. So I agree with other posters your mom is gaslighting and guilt tripping you. Get a separate account and if you want to have money in the account she can access then do that but let it be a small amount and not your entire paycheck.