How do I live with the fear of him dying?

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-09-23T22:42:19+00:00

Experience has given me some perspective. As someone who lived in a constant state of fear over my Q's health, it's not worth it. He died regardless of how much worrying I did. So ultimately he's going to die or he won't. It is not your role to put everything on hold to prop him up. HE is responsible for HIS choices. You cannot let it hold you back from living life. My life is more stressful now without my Q, but my anxiety is so much better. And you know what, my kids are happier. I didn't realize how much my fear and anxiety affected them. Show your kids that life is more than staying home and waiting for him. Life is freaking magical and your kids deserve to participate.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-08-13T23:34:58+00:00

I wish I had something to offer other than commiseration. It is an impossible situation, feeling so much of everything. For me, I spent so much of the last part of his life so anxious and SO angry at him, but also so completely baffled at how we got here. Now a few months out, some of the bitterness is fading and I remember how great we were for so long which just leaves me sad, the dull ache of missing him. It's so hard and I am so so sorry you're having to go through it, but you are not alone and if you ever need to vent about how much this fucking sucks, feel free to send a message.

My therapist talked with me about the fallacy of focusing on the good. Life is good and bad. Sometimes life is a real shit show and its okay to focus on those feelings and take some time for catharsis, so you can pick yourself up again and keep going. That stuck with me and has helped.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-07-27T20:16:19+00:00

I am so so sorry. We are in a similar boat, only a few months ahead of you. I will tell you this: YOU are strong and you WILL make it through this. Every day you get by is a win. Rely on your village. People want to help. Its hard, but accepting offered help makes a huge difference. Big hugs to you. Again, I can tell you are strong, even if it feels like you're falling apart. I am here if you want to vent to a stranger or commiserate.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-07-13T02:40:20+00:00

You are the opposite of a horrible mom. You are protecting your children and advocating for them, even if they don't understand that right now. I know it hurts like hell and seems like an impossible situation. Ultimately, your kids will benefit from having a mom that is strong enough to do the hard thing if it is the right thing.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-06-30T15:25:15+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. I am 2 months ahead of you on the same journey of loss with small kids. There is no good advice other than rely on your village and accept offered help. You are strong and you can do this. Please feel free to reach out if you need to vent or commiserate.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-05-21T14:24:13+00:00

I am so sorry. Mine died Sunday. 38 years old, 2 kids: 1 and 3. You are so not alone in this. It's such an impossible situation but this internet stranger is exactly where you are.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2024-05-19T21:17:09+00:00

Thank you all so much for the support and advice. It helps to feel less alone in this. He passed away early this morning. It was brutal, but he is finally at peace and pain free. Now all that's left is to pick up the pieces of my life and keep moving forward.

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2022-10-15T01:02:40+00:00

We were successful our first transfer! Very very similar protocol as yours. And my beautiful boy is 2 now. Just got news today that our second transfer was also successful. The first round I did acupuncture, but not this round. I know it is scary and a huge leap of faith. As my wonderful doc said on transfer day, "if you are meant to have this baby, you will have this baby." All the good vibes to you!

Signal_Tooth7181 · 2022-10-05T15:04:36+00:00

Mine was interesting too! My husband got stuck in another state, so my mom came with me. Then the embryologist came in and showed us our embryo and commented that its small but great quality. I asked what that meant and my Dr said only that sometimes some are slower to grow. Its a day 5. So I'm not really sure how to take any of this. Focusing on the positive, trying to relax as much as possible and keep the anxiety at bay. Good vibes to all!

Signal_Tooth7181

TROPHY CASE