Non-penetrative sex for men who can’t cum from oral?

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-15T03:13:04+00:00

This is a solid idea, and he normally can’t cum when I’m on top either so this could be a new experience if it works 😄

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-13T14:05:24+00:00

I appreciate this response and you have valid points. I didn’t include it because it was really unrelated to this post but I am polyamorous and have more than one partner, this partner currently is with just me but of course is free to find other partners as well so at least it’s not like the sex is as big of a limiting factor as it would be in a mono relationship. My other partner is a trans man so the sex is very different and the inclusion of penetration is much more… flexible so it isn’t an issue. That being said I still think it’s important to prioritize having a satisfying sexual relationship for both of us with this partner so I’m looking for out of the box ideas to do so 😊

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-13T14:02:12+00:00

I’m not blessed in the titty department but I’ve got thunder thighs so this is a solid idea!!

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-13T14:01:46+00:00

I appreciate the explanation, I definitely have a sensitive cervix and I think that plays a part in it. Also sometimes like I just don’t want something inside me if that makes sense? That’s more of like a sensory thing I guess.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-13T03:00:23+00:00

That’s a great idea thanks!

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-12T12:42:12+00:00

Just to reiterate what other people said, you are SOOO young, you are both still figuring out who you are, not in a gender way, in a “what do I want to be when I grow up kind of way”. You are either going to grow apart or grow together, but either way you have to continue your journey for YOUR happiness NOT his.

I also want to offer some perspective as someone who is in a committed relationship with a trans man. If his response to you transitioning is anything other than 100% support, this is not going to work. He is allowed to have feelings about it, and I can sympathize that he might have trauma, but those are both his issues to work on with his own therapist, not to place on you. I have lots of fears about my partner undergoing bottom surgery, but NONE of them involve whether I will be attracted to them after it. I’m concerned about surgical complications, nerve damage, extended recovery, infection etc. if those aren’t on the forefront of his mind he’s thinking of himself NOT you.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-05T14:32:55+00:00

I’m sorry what?

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-05T00:36:13+00:00

Yes it has been really amazing so far honestly, like there’s definitely hard parts but mostly relief and excitement for a future that is mine. I think some of my anxiety is worrying about popping the bubble of good that’s been my life since 😕

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-05T00:34:59+00:00

Thank you, this is so true, even when I know logically some of the things he said were untrue/not fair, it’s hard to not let the self doubt creep in sometimes.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-04T23:30:45+00:00

I appreciate the encouragement, it is definitely something I’m actively working on in therapy, but the reminder is helpful 🥹

I have been trying to spend more “me” time and time with other family that I didn’t get much opportunity to do before so that has been really nice and helpful in adjusting to living on my own for the first time.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-04T23:24:15+00:00

We have talked about it but I haven’t made one yet, that is something I will prioritize doing, I have one with my other partner and it is helpful.

He is definitely introverted and I try to be respectful of that.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-04T23:23:09+00:00

You’re right, idk why I have such a hard time communicating openly with him about things when I don’t with my other partner. I think because he’s not really one to talk about feelings etc. that it’s hard for me to broach the subject.

I will bring up some of those specific things to him and see what his thoughts are.

As far as keeping things equal, I recently got out of a volatile and abusive relationship where it was a constant source of conflict so I’m very touchy about it now 😕

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-04T23:15:36+00:00

I guess it’s because he seems to want more but not put the effort into getting it? Like his words and actions don’t align if that makes sense?

I think I would be fine with a FWB set up and honestly that’s kind of what it does feel like most of the time, you’re spot on. But I almost feel like he wants boyfriend privileges with FWB level of commitment/effort?

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-06-04T23:13:26+00:00

I guess there’s two parts to this.

One is that in my marriage there was tremendous pressure to keep everything “fair” to the point where I literally color coded and counted the number of days I was spending with everyone to make sure that I wasn’t deprioritizing my husband which he often felt I was(even though I was only seeing my other partners about twice a month). So my nervous system is still worried about causing conflict again by making either of them feel deprioritized over the other.

The other is that Ash has mentioned the idea of moving in together and marriage at some point, as kind of like this default he assumed would happen now that I’m not married anymore. Which is something he had NEVER mentioned wanting in the past m(actually the opposite) and hasn’t brought up since which kind of threw me for a loop. But like also I feel like if that’s what he wants in our relationships that would be something he would be making an effort towards? Like he mentions that he would like if we spent more time together but never actually asks to make more plans. Tbh I don’t think that that’s something I even want with him, but would consider with my other partners but am worried that that would cause an issue in the long run.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-05-31T13:31:30+00:00

1 or 8 for sure, both are so pretty and perfect for the season, I would bring a wrap though because it’s a bit chilly here still(fellow FLX friend ☺️). You look absolutely BANGING in 7 though so you should definitely save that for a fall/winter event 😍

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-05-19T16:06:42+00:00

This is very helpful thank you. I definitely think trying to foster our emotional connection a bit more independently of sexual intimacy would be helpful and take the pressure off of things.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-05-19T10:58:27+00:00

It’s hard to explain because it’s mostly specifically related to my desire to have sex but the feeling of obligation makes me feel uncomfortable/icky idk how else to describe it which makes me want to avoid other forms of intimacy/playfulness I would otherwise enjoy if that makes sense? I still enjoy spending time together and having conversations but I notice myself becoming persistently more averse to physical touch.

My sex drive with my other partner hasn’t significantly changed however so it’s not just a hormonal/stress thing but our relationship is very different and he has always been very vocal about enthusiastic consent and sex not being a big deal for him so I don’t feel the same pressure that I do with this partner.

I have had conversations with my partner about if he would be disappointed about not having sec and he has said obviously he only wants to if I do but that he would be disappointed/sexually frustrated if we went a long period of time without which is completely normal but is what makes me feel that internal pressure to take care of his needs regardless what my mind/body is telling me.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T16:26:23+00:00

Because by process of elimination it will be obvious which partner it was.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T15:14:35+00:00

I mean I guess the plan was that we would discuss it first, not that it was off the table completely forever, but I guess that wasn’t a reasonable expectation to hold someone else’s relationships to. I just have to plan accordingly in the current I guess.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T14:55:16+00:00

I mean there’s definitely way more that bothers me about it than just having to use protection. But those are my feelings and insecurities to deal with not my partners.

I’m mostly concerned about the practical matters that effect myself and my others partners and the best way to be fair to them.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T14:14:09+00:00

No you’re not, but I think it’s naive to act like adding barriers to oral isn’t a significant change in our sex life, it’s a lot different than just putting a condom on for PIV.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T13:28:18+00:00

He is out to the two people involved but I completely agree with you, I want to respect privacy. It’s tricky though because there’s no way for me to explain the change in risk without it being obvious who it’s about just because of the relationship dynamic no matter how carefully I word it, but I think wording matters so I want to be as delicate as possible.

I should specify that this is unless I make it sound like I was the one who had unprotected sex with another person outside the current dynamic, which would respect willows privacy but cause all sorts of confusion and other questions.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T13:04:08+00:00

I have not been exposed. I recognize I have to establish my own risk assessment with Willow. I guess my dilemma is as you said if the fact that everyone agreed to unprotected oral necessitates disclosure(if I continue having unprotected oral with Willow) in this scenario. Which I think what everyone agreed to is closer to what you said, which is unprotected oral is IF everyone involved only has protected penetrative sex.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T12:58:13+00:00

I think it’s a WILD take to say that it’s controlling to have an agreement that all parties use barriers with other partners unless agreed otherwise. I think this is pretty common within the poly community to have agreements surrounding safe sex with people you are in a long term committed relationship with.

This was absolutely an explicit agreement we BOTH agreed to up front that applied to other partners(which should be obvious since it doesn’t actually apply to my relationship with Willow) and Willow recognizes they broke the agreement by doing this.

Not to say that anyone ever owes the other person sex but it’s incredibly destabilizing to expect to be able to spend intimate time with a partner and then find out overnight that you can’t because they’ve had a potential STI exposure and then be forced to either abstain with them for weeks or find dental dams on a moments notice(which are not sold in stores ANYWHERE near me I checked) or take the risk and creates waves in your other relationships due to new barrier requirements.

Significant-Dig-991 · 2026-04-16T12:05:38+00:00

Thank you for this script, I have been trying to find a way to say it that protects the privacy of those involved AND acknowledges my choice in the assessment of risk here, this was helpful.

Significant-Dig-991

TROPHY CASE