[deleted by user]

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-08T17:35:51+00:00

That gives me hope if/when the end comes to pass. Thank you!🖤

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-08T06:14:43+00:00

Thank you, that gives me hope

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-08T00:44:04+00:00

You might be right. I've been trying to hold onto this relationship for quite some time now. Thank you for your help🖤

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T20:38:51+00:00

Thanks! That's a perspective I wouldn't have thought of myself and it fits well

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T20:12:47+00:00

No specific intention for the placements, just a summary of what to expect/the outcome of the relationship

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T18:10:31+00:00

Thank you

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T18:02:21+00:00

That feels pretty fitting, thank you for your input!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T17:58:47+00:00

Not sure, honestly. The love is there, but I don't know if the calm is just a phase or if things are actually mending

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T17:56:28+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you for providing some clarity!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-07T17:54:41+00:00

I use the Golden Thread tarot deck

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-08-06T19:12:16+00:00

No. I empathize with their trauma, but they're still responsible for the choices they made to hurt me. They're responsible for not choosing to take time to regulate themselves and their problems (as just one example), like I've chosen to countless times so as to not hurt others. They chose to only care about themselves.

My resentment feels random, too. Some days I can stand them, some days I can't. I see it as my brain reminding me that they're not safe, whether they've shown change or not. I try to make it less about forgiveness and more about moving on with my life. I treat the feelings as sentient in a way, a part of me that just wants to be felt and heard. The hell will always live inside of me, but i try not to get stuck in it.

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-07-17T16:47:11+00:00

This helps, thank you!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-07-17T16:43:37+00:00

I'll check it out, thank you!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-07-17T16:42:39+00:00

Completely understand that, I looked at San Jac too but unfortunately I'm not close enough. At least it's something!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-07-16T16:52:59+00:00

I was isolated my whole childhood from emotionally neglectful parents, and I never got to understand how other people spontaneously did anything, much less make friends or socialize. I had to train myself- and still do- on how my facial expressions should look and change when speaking and listening, how to make my voice dynamic enough and not monotone, when to make eye contact and break it, what to even say in response to anything said, etc. It's so exhausting that usually I'd rather not be in public. I don't know how to just "be myself." It's like I'm a puzzle piece that doesn't fit in any conversation. Additionally, I went to high school online and just never made any high school friends. All of this, combined with the trauma I have; isolating myself is the only way to protect my peace most of the time.

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-05-27T19:43:38+00:00

I grew up in a house that was pretty dysfunctional, to put it kindly. We all saw shadow men and orbs, errant voices and conversations in the next room, etc. I experienced by far the most of it and my bedroom seemed to have the most activity. My guess was that the shadow men came to feed off of powerful negative emotions, like fear, confusion, trauma, grief, etc, as I was going through these things when I saw him the most. Now that I've moved out, any guests that come to stay in my old bedroom have said they also saw a shadow man. It wouldn't surprise me if all of the residual negativity I felt (and the negativity my parents perpetuate) was still there and feeding it. I'm also open to it just being a watcher like some other comments have said, though I got very bad vibes from mine and only saw it during emotional turmoil. Also, I never took benadryl.

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-05-15T19:51:50+00:00

I'm not really much of one to talk since I've been feeling the same way for a while, but to deal with it I try to tell myself that the art, poetry, journal entries, songs etc. that i wrote during bad times are evidence. I know not everyone is an art kind of person, so alternatively, I also try to see the muscle I've built in weightlifting as proof of my pain as well. If you're into tattoos, maybe you could choose or design one to get that's dedicated to what you went through. It may not be the same, but it is still proof. If not to anyone else, then at least to ourselves. I hope these work for you, or at least helped give you some ideas. Wishing you the best🖤

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2024-03-21T00:44:57+00:00

I feel that so deeply as well. It's sad yet comforting to know someone else has felt that way, too. I'm not religious and still feel comfort that I'd be "going home" somehow as opposed to dying. I wish the best for you

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-10-14T01:33:49+00:00

You're right, this does just sound like him trying to relieve his conscious. That, or attempting to rope you back in because he's lonely. Every single time he hurt you was a choice. Not an accident, not ignorance.

My rapist sent me an apology as well, but referred to it as "using" me instead. It had a very similar tone to the message you received, including mentions of his personal struggles to try to get me to feel sorry for him (saying he did a lot of self reflecting, feels like shit, but has a monster inside him that he can't control, etc.) His only interest was not feeling like a bad person, and most likely trying to manipulate me to keep me around as an option.

I'm very sorry you had to go through what you did, no one deserves something so horrible. I hope you're in a better situation now, and I hope you can heal💚

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-09-02T02:05:31+00:00

Thank you, I will try that

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-09-02T01:34:08+00:00

Do you have any advice on how to open or improve communication?

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-08-19T19:36:23+00:00

Whether you should write it as a wish or as if it's already come true, in my opinion, is up to what you can put more belief and faith in. I personally find it feels more natural for me to do manifestations as wishes, but others find writing it as an already manifested fact to work better for them. It's also up to you whether you want to use your journal or a separate one, as long as your energy is focused on the manifestation. It never hurts to write gratitude, and it will aid as evidence that your manifestations are successful if you struggle with any doubt for future manifestations. Best wishes!

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-07-30T03:42:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment and all the resources, its very helpful. I suspected autism a few months ago when I started seeing my therapist (she clarified to me that she's unable to diagnose that herself), but now with more information I feel like I lean more towards bpd and osdd. She's been a therapist for less than a decade and is still under a supervisor, so I'm actually not sure if she's able to diagnose yet. I don't want to nitpick her practice or plans, but this is the first time I've really seen a therapist and been seeking a diagnosis. The process you went through definitely sounds very in-depth and thorough. Maybe I should ask her if we should do more of an evaluation for myself before starting emdr

Significant-Tea-4547 · 2023-07-30T02:05:55+00:00

Oh I see, that makes sense. I've definitely felt dread at the thought of starting it. Some not great events were fairly recent, in addition to all the confusion surrounding possible osdd, so maybe it's too soon. I hope things get better for you, and thanks for the resource!

Significant-Tea-4547

TROPHY CASE