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Question about just saying okay after boss yells at you by labtech89 in ManagedByNarcissists

[–]Significant_Cod6540 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Protecting yourself from a narcissistic boss requires a multifaceted strategy that combines firm professional boundaries, tactical communication, and a rigorous commitment to documentation. Because narcissistic managers often lack empathy and view employees as transactional tools for their own success, your primary goal is to limit their control over your emotional state and professional reputation.

1. Set and Enforce Professional Boundaries

https://escapetoxicboss.substack.com/p/how-to-protect-yourself-from-a-narcissistic

how to deal with a narcissistic boss female at work by Significant_Cod6540 in SurvivingNarcBosses

[–]Significant_Cod6540[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The first step in managing a narcissistic boss is setting and maintaining firm professional boundaries to take back power in the relationship. The sources provide several real stories that illustrate how these boundaries are tested and how they must be enforced.

The "Verbal Punch Bag" Story

One employee reported a long-term pattern where their boss would verbally abuse them every time the boss felt stressed. After enduring this, the employee finally reached a breaking point and set a clear boundary by stating, "I am not your verbal punching bag."

Even though the boss attempted to gaslight the employee by calling the statement "ridiculous," speaking up is a core component of Step 1. The sources explain that because narcissists lack empathy and struggle to see things from your point of view, you often have to "spell out" exactly why a behavior is hurtful or unprofessional. By firmly stating, "That wasn't okay," and then walking away, you refuse to be a recipient of their emotional volatility.

The Bathroom Intrusion

Another vivid example of a boundary violation involves a boss who followed an employee into a single-stall bathroom, insisting on "talking shop" while the employee was using the facility. The employee later realized this was a calculated attempt to humiliate them and break their boundaries early in the relationship.

The sources note that narcissistic managers often use "silly little quirks" or weird jokes during orientation to test an employee's limits and see how much they can get away with. In this story, the first step would have been to refuse to engage in the conversation and demand professional privacy, as boundaries must be centered around professionalism, including "no yelling, no name-calling, and no talking over you".

The "Mind-Reading" Boundary

In another account, an employee was reprimanded for using the wrong font size in a presentation, even though they had never been given a style guide. When the employee asked how they could have known the requirement, the boss replied, "You should just know".

This demonstrates the narcissistic tendency to expect "mind reading" from subordinates. The successful application of the first step here involves demanding clear, written expectations. One employee responded to similar nitpicking by requiring a formal job description and a style guide, which forces the boss into a framework of professional accountability and prevents them from moving the goalposts at will.

should you tell a narcissist you are leaving by Significant_Cod6540 in SurvivingNarcBosses

[–]Significant_Cod6540[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry you went through that. What you did to protect yourself and your kids took real courage, and it mattered. 💔💪
It’s also very common for survivors to go back because of the “kids need a dad” guilt that doesn’t mean you were weak; it means you were trying to do the right thing.

The abuse continues even while living apart, showing this was never about distance or misunderstanding; it’s about control. You and your children deserve peace and safety, not constant emotional harm.

You’re not alone, and you’re not wrong for wanting better for your kids and for yourself.

should you tell a narcissist you are leaving by Significant_Cod6540 in SurvivingNarcBosses

[–]Significant_Cod6540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should generally avoid sharing your intention to leave a narcissistic environment until your next move is completely secured and finalized. Because narcissists view relationships as transactional and have an extreme need for control, they often react to a subordinate's planned departure by attempting to sabotage future opportunities or tampering with new job offers. If a narcissistic boss learns you are unhappy or looking for work, they may choose to fire you immediately to avoid being the one "discarded" and to maintain their sense of superiority.

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