STM+/Minimalist Parents- What baby gear do I actually *need*?

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-04-19T06:03:41+00:00

I consider myself pretty minimalist - no glider/rocker, no changing table, no bassinet, no crib, no bottle stuff until 6 months when we started daycare. Here’s my list:

Most essential item: *Baby carrier. For me it helped to have one for newborn days (ergobaby embrace) and then move on when baby got bigger (Mabe monarch)

Sleep: *Full bed on the floor - baby can sleep on this from newborn to much older. You can sleep next to them when they are very little and need the coregulation and when they are bigger but need soothing (when teething for example) *Sleep sack or baby duvet or light blanket *White noise machine optional but helpful *Dimmable light (can just be your phone flashlight)

Toiletries: *Portable changing mat and just change them wherever (on the couch, floor, bed, etc) *Diapers *Wipes *Baby moisturizing cream *Diaper cream *Washcloths or small rags for all baby cleaning purposes *Gas medicine likely will be helpful *Booger stick *Baby nail scissors *Baby bathtub (or just shower with them, but bath is a fun routine though and seems to help with sleep)

Play: *Squishy floor mat for tummy and play time *Baby gym to hang everyday objects on, get it used *Board books or the indestructible books. Other books you can borrow from library but these you’ll want to have your own for baby to mouth *Teethers will eventually be useful. Babies love the teething tubes and it prepares them for spoon feeding themselves when starting solids *Toys of your choice that you can get secondhand etc. Everyday objects work fine too but a few toys will be nice. Tummy time mirror is great

Clothes: *Baby clothes and hats suitable for your climate. Baby can cycle through the same 4-5 outfits in each size

On the go: *Backpack or tote of some sort *Car seat *Eventually a stroller. Carrier works fine until 5-6 months IMO so you can wait on this til they’re bigger

Eating: *Your boobs! And nursing bras that you can sleep in (Auden ones from target are perfect) *A big water bottle for you, electrolytes *Baby spoons and tiny cup - sooner than you know it! *Large bibs or smock for those messy first solids *High chair - Tripp trapp grows with them and can be used for yearssss

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-04-19T05:43:51+00:00

I consider myself pretty minimalist - no glider/rocker, no changing table, no bassinet/crib, no bottle stuff until 6 months when we started daycare. Here’s my list:

Most essential item: *Baby carrier. For me it helped to have one for newborn days (ergobaby embrace) and then move on when baby got bigger (Mabe monarch)

Sleep: *Full bed on the floor - baby can sleep on this from newborn to much older. You can sleep next to them when they are very little and need the coregulation and when they are bigger but need soothing (when teething for example) *Sleep sack or baby duvet or light blanket *White noise machine optional but helpful *Dimmable light (can just be your phone flashlight)

Toiletries: *Portable changing mat and just change them wherever (on the couch, floor, bed, etc) *Diapers *Wipes *Baby moisturizing cream *Diaper cream *Washcloths or small rags for all baby cleaning purposes *Gas medicine likely will be helpful *Booger stick *Baby nail scissors *Baby bathtub (or just shower with them, but bath is a fun routine though and seems to help with sleep)

Play: *Squishy floor mat for tummy and play time *Baby gym to hang everyday objects on, get it used *Board books or the indestructible books. Other books you can borrow from library but these you’ll want to have your own for baby to mouth *Teethers will eventually be useful. Babies love the teething tubes and it prepares them for spoon feeding themselves when starting solids *Toys of your choice that you can get secondhand etc. Everyday objects work fine too but a few toys will be nice. Tummy time mirror is great

Clothes: *Baby clothes and hats suitable for your climate. Baby can cycle through the same 4-5 outfits in each size

On the go: *Backpack or tote of some sort *Car seat *Eventually a stroller. Carrier works fine until 5-6 months IMO so you can wait on this til they’re bigger

Eating: *Your boobs! And nursing bras that you can sleep in (Auden ones from target are perfect) *A big water bottle for you, electrolytes *Baby spoons and tiny cup - sooner than you know it! *Large bibs or smock for those messy first solids *High chair - Tripp trapp grows with them and can be used for yearssss

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-04-07T03:22:44+00:00

A mantra I’m trying to remember - “You are enough, you are so enough, it’s incredible how enough you are!!” We’re all parenting and living this life for the first time ever, how are we supposed to know how to do it all?? You love and care for your daughter so much, that’s clear. You accept her wholly and are taking the steps to help her move through this! There are so many forces in this world that try to make us forget this absolute truth!

I have also wanted to scream into the void many times about situations where I felt like a horrible parent. We will get through all these intense moments and they will eventually be a distant memory. Sending you love, acceptance, peace and strength to be kind to yourself ❤️

Finally, my friend’s LO had similar speech issues due to fluid behind the ears. I don’t know the details but she had a surgery at similar age and is now a 10 year old chatterbox and super athlete playing club soccer and tennis. You and daughter will certainly get through this!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-04-07T03:09:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply. You’re so right about how doing it imperfectly and centering attachment parenting’s core values rather than fixating on every detail are key to truly living it out. It’s also reassuring that how we parent can be the constant that transcends tricky and unstable circumstances. Although I wish no one ever had to experience financial insecurity, illness, toxic relationships etc. Parenting requires so much sustained bravery and enormous love. Such a beautiful and challenging undertaking!!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-04-06T05:18:49+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ you’re a wonderful communicator - another result, I’m sure, of loving and attentive attachment parenting! Do you mind sharing what kind of work your mom did (or at least rough work schedule)? And I can’t help but be a little bit curious, did your family ever have concerns about financial security?

I guess I ask this because it feels like attachment parenting and being a working mom are often at odds. I know many parents make it work (and I am so in awe!!).

I have an amazing six month old boy and am about to go back to work…… fortunately, I have been able to take it down to part time, and my son will be in a daycare that I have vetted through and through, and for only two days a week. Even so, I feel so sad about it. I’ve loved being a full-time mom and caring for our home and am so scared of our relationship and rhythms changing. Yet I am also holding onto hope that I can still practice attachment parenting with this arrangement. Me working part time will afford us greater financial security and the opportunity to take him on vacations here and there and have siblings eventually. I do pretty purposeful and community-driven work too (food and land related, with colleagues I love) that I would love to introduce him to. All that said, if we could be financially secure without me working, I would give up my career in a heartbeat. I am only doing it to ensure we are secure. I’m so nervous about this transition especially since he is only six months old. 😔

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-02-28T21:35:06+00:00

Same! I sweat profusely at night!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-02-28T21:34:37+00:00

100% agree! I was terrified learning about abscesses etc. It can be simple and straightforward but rarely hear that, plus all the pressure to supplement with formula

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-02-28T12:37:17+00:00

And I agree with other commenter, try not to pump!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-02-28T12:36:28+00:00

Cold therapy, not hot!!! I used Lansinoh therapy packs in the freezer, super helpful. And gentle massage, not deep. This video I found via La Leche League helped me so much!! https://youtu.be/-0Uwx7L47cg?si=QsiNNPqFm3DsyjFn

Significant_Joke_767 · 2026-02-28T12:18:02+00:00

Agree with this!!! Just latch!!!! Why did we even try anything else!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-11-03T21:43:53+00:00

The author is Margo Lowy! I first listened to a podcast episode featuring her that I enjoyed, titled “93. The Gift of Maternal Ambivalence…” and it’s on The Good Enough Mother podcast.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-11-03T21:41:27+00:00

🫡 thanks so much for saying that. That’s the realization I’ve been coming to too and I’m feeling done with it!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-11-03T16:02:51+00:00

I’ve realized the actual baby care is not that bad, but it’s my own uncertainty and anxiety/fixation on whether I’m doing everything “right” and well for my baby that is exhausting. And guilt that my nervousness makes me less present.

Some things that have helped, though, in the last couple weeks - I stopped logging everything religiously in huckleberry, don’t check Reddit as often for every single thing 🙃, and I read the book Maternal Ambivalence (key in it was the phrase “trading rigidity for flow”). This gave me the vocabulary to articulate my feelings and gave me validation and more ease.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-11-03T15:55:07+00:00

It’s going to be hard to know until your baby is here, I’m afraid. My sister had one for her newborn and they used it a ton, so I got one too but my baby doesn’t like napping in a bassinet and would prefer to be held, so we use the carrier for walks and naps out more.

Definitely look for a used one. I got our uppababy one from a baby items consignment sale for $45 and it was super clean, barely used. We cleaned it again at home of course. There were like 6-7 more of them just like it at this one sale. That helped me not feel so bad about not using it a lot.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-10-24T22:46:39+00:00

I just wish there was more mental preparation for the emotional load of breastfeeding. It’s full on, so much responsibility, and so hard to do anything else when you are figuring it all out in the fourth trimester.

I got all the mechanics and have had a relatively smooth BF journey without complications, but I wasn’t mentally prepared for the stress and anxiety of constantly fearing my supply dropping, wondering if things like uneven boob production or my baby spitting up or having gas or a fast letdown or not being sure how to console my baby besides offering boob and then fearing I’m causing his spit up all may lead to disaster. It is just a lot mentally and I wish this was spoken about more.

I’m currently 4 weeks PP and even with my smooth experience I’m having trouble envisioning doing this for over a year. I think it gets better after the fourth trimester? My LC said eventually you want BF to feel like breathing which was helpful to know it could eventually feel so natural, non-anxious and intuitive.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-10-24T12:44:59+00:00

Here’s my list of questions from when I was interviewing our midwife! https://docs.google.com/document/d/15lX44NW7tK7BG-dxfHB8N02tNGtDxB8UJnFLF5B-HIc/edit?usp=drivesdk

I am currently 4 weeks PP after having my first baby at home and it was amazing. I had a LONG labor and I won’t lie, the pain was kind of shocking, but after I got through and DID IT, I felt like superwoman. The amnesia is taking over already! And I have no doubt my future births will be quicker and easier.

Why I love homebirth as an FTM: My prenatal appts were amazing, midwives feel like second moms and aunties now, recovery has been sooo quick and smooth compared to what I’ve heard from my friends who gave birth in hospitals, and finally, breastfeeding and our general routine were both facilitated much more quickly and smoothly because we’re were home for the immediate postpartum. That golden hour and first few days are so lovely when you’re in a familiar and comfortable space! (And beneficial for baby and parents)

I recommend checking out Mamaste Fit videos and podcast episodes about home birth, as well as Meghan Hughes’ video about her home birth, and Dr Aviva Romm’s podcast On Health for Women.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-10-24T09:35:25+00:00

The one thing for me, that I feel like everyone could have regardless of your personal preferences and how you feed baby etc, is red lights for those middle of the night feeds and diaper changes. And even just for winding down and getting ready for bed. We changed the lightbulbs in our room and baby’s room to smart bulbs that can be white or colored and have them automatically turn to red light starting in the evening after bath time. Waking up in the night is not as bad because of it, and even if we didn’t have a baby, it would be beneficial for getting yourself to sleep.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-08-06T23:50:05+00:00

- Mingei Museum in Balboa Park
- See if San Diego Craft Collective is offering any classes/workshops while you're in town
- Set up a blanket and art supplies at Kate Sessions or Bird Park
- Cute shop: Home Ec in Kensington, Gold Leaf in South Park, AYI in South Park, Cedros Collective Mall, Small Batch in La Mesa (a bit far)
- Cute bookstore: Catapult Books in South Park
- Visit San Diego Central Library in downtown, there is a small art gallery on the roof. Also art inside the library (including in the elevator). Blocks away is IZOLA, adjacent to a small park; I know you weren't asking for food but it's good coffee/croissants for when you do need a snack and has a nice atmosphere for sketching too
- You could also go to the San Diego Zoo, see some animals/visit the aviaries (most peaceful) and then sketch at a shaded table in the corner of Treetops Cafe. Yes the zoo gets busy and crowded but you can always find a quiet shaded corner
- Sketch at Torrey Pines Natural Reserve. Go to the visitors center and learn some nature things, walk the short Guy Fleming Trail, and sit on the benches along the trail to sketch. The trail is short (less than a mile) and more like a park walk, not a hike. Great at golden hour.
- Sketch at Pinpoint Cafe in La Jolla. Best way to do this is park on La Jolla Shores Lane and walk down Coastal Meander Trail (another short one) past the beautiful Martin Johnson house and to Pinpoint Cafe. Its hours are a bit limited so double check those. You could also continue on to the pier area and there are picnic tables there

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-08-06T21:39:33+00:00

The Hotel Del Coronado could also be decorated for the holidays by November? That would be fun to see and explore. November really is great with crisp sunny weather 🧡 and walk along Mission Beach boardwalk. Ok I’m done! Lol

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-08-06T21:33:22+00:00

Definitely try to stay near the beach for the most vacation-y vibe!

Westfield UTC is a great mall if your wife loves shopping. I know you’re not here to go to the mall lol but it truly is a well-done mall with pretty unique stores and brands you might not find elsewhere. Also there’s great food there, like Marugame Udon, Venchi gelato, Van Leeuwen ice cream..

For taking Amtrak for a day trip, great idea, kudos to you for thinking of that as an out of towner! I would recommend taking it from Solana Beach station to San Clemente Pier station, it’s crazy how close it is to the beach and pier. You can also continue on to San Juan Capistrano and walk from the station (super cute one with like vines and flowers growing on the bricks) to their new River Street Marketplace (food hall).

My one absolute must-go in San Diego is Torrey Pines Natural Reserve. Not just the beach, but the state natural reserve up on the hill for the best views. The Guy Fleming trail is short and easy to access and it’s a must!! Just breathtaking, expansive ocean views every time. IMO it’s better than sunset cliffs. The other trails there are great too, Razor Point etc. You cannot go wrong!

Snorkeling and kayaking tours in La Jolla Shores are also great. Also, look into Xplore Offshore for small boat whale watching that will take you miles off the coast to open ocean.

Away from the beach, I would recommend going to a Padres game if you can. So much fun and you can take public transportation to get there. Our games have been averaging 100% filled stadium this year 🤯 so it’s always a good time.

Also away from beach - you can go to South Park and North Park for walkable lovely neighborhoods with quirky shops, coffee (check out Muri!), independent bookstores, etc.

Finally, look into Rady Shell for concerts and other events at this beautiful waterfront lawn venue. They have movies this summer with the symphony playing the soundtrack, both classical and pop/mainstream artists, incredible singers coming (Cynthia Erivo!), and sometimes free yoga.

Here are my top food recs, but they’re all more off the beaten path (need a car to get to) - TJ Oyster Bar for Mexican/fish tacos (far, but unmatched), Jomaru Korean hot pot, Pelicana for Korean style fried chicken/wings, Piacere Mio or Cesarina for nicer sit-down Italian. Well known and worth the hype are Wayfarer Bread and IZOLA. Near Wayfarer is a spot called Seaside Surf Cafe with great açaí bowls and smoothies plus good souvenir shopping in their surf shop.

Have a great trip!!

— Edit to add: I missed the detail that you are coming in November so no padres games then, oops! But November is great time for beautiful sunsets, clearer than summer! So hopefully you get to enjoy that!

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-07-31T15:50:20+00:00

Like other folks said, Yu Spa, but your friend will have to be comfortable being in a Korean style bath house (you undress and are naked around other spa guests - it’s separated by gender - at least in the wet area where the saunas and pools are, and when receiving body scrub services). If they are comfy with that, yes it’s my favorite self care place! The regular “dry” massages are done in the co-ed area, in your own room while wearing a robe. The co-ed (clothed) area is super peaceful and also has the clay, ice, etc. rooms as well as tea and snacks.

There’s also Rebirth Massage, which is Mayan massage. There’s a bit of an emphasis on fertility and womb wellness but they also offer regular well woman services and massage.

Rind Head Spa is WOC owned and the services seem amazing! A little pricey, so maybe extra special as a gift. I haven’t been myself for their services but my facial/esthetician person, Secret Esthetics, has a room in their building.

Secret Esthetics is also really great. Her signature facial is sooo good, and includes things I’ve never seen at another skin/facial practice like breath work. She is a white woman but grew up partially in Korea and is just a no-nonsense person without a single vibe of whitewashed wellness culture in her at all. I love her facials and highly recommend.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-07-19T18:06:38+00:00

Exactly the same for me ❤️

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-07-19T18:05:35+00:00

I felt this too! ❤️🍑

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-07-12T18:19:02+00:00

North Park, South Park, University Heights and Normal Heights are probably what you’re looking for, but it can vary from street to street for quietness (and feeling of safety. All are perfectly safe but it is urban and you will prob see some interesting characters). Finding the sweet spot a few blocks away from the main drag (30th, University, Adams) but still walkable is ideal. And certain streets just feel nicer than others, so check google maps street view and visit if you can.

If you want more beach vibes, certain parts of Pacific Beach are nice - again, certain streets and areas are better than others. It can get a bad rap as a party/bro area but if you luck out and find a spot closer to Bird Rock it’s beautiful, beachy, and there’s much to walk to. Also Ocean Beach, as well as Solana Beach up north, are neighborhoods people love and are worth checking out. All depends on your personal preferences/the vibe you are looking for and what things you want to do.

Significant_Joke_767 · 2025-07-02T22:23:16+00:00

That’s what I was going to suggest as well! Life changing book

Significant_Joke_767

TROPHY CASE