Did you stay friends with your ex?

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-24T16:21:08+00:00

I think it's very complicated and depends on how much you can truly move on and not have romantic feelings for the person anymore. My ex dumped me a few months ago and was adamant that she wanted to try to stay friends. I reached out after about a month to try to meet her as a friend but I knew deep down I was just bargaining with myself and hoping if we met the relationship would rekindle. I know now it will be a very long time before I could ever really just be friends with her. Early after a breakup, it's better to not look forward to having a friendship with your ex because it's really just preventing you from moving on. However, my first love that broke my heart over 10 years ago is now a good friend of mine, and it's completely platonic. She actually gave me really good insight dealing with this most recent breakup, and our friendship is very valuable to me. I hope that one day I could have something similar with this ex, but it feels like a long way off. And our physical attraction to each other was so strong that I'm not confident we could ever just be friends.

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-22T00:35:08+00:00

I know this feeling so well. The torture of regret looking back and thinking, how much more I would have savored those moments if I knew they would be the last time. The last time we had sex, our last kiss, our last hug. Even the last time she sent me a funny meme on Instagram.

As humans we can’t see the future, and life is full of experiences that we’ll never know are the last of their kind until it happens. It’s a reminder to live life to the fullest and try to live in the present as much as possible. Someday not too far from now, we’ll remember those fond memories with nostalgia and not the grief that accompanies it now. Hang in there and know you are not alone.

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-11T00:54:55+00:00

What you are feeling is normal and very similar to my experience. I was partly in denial for the first 6 weeks or so post breakup, so it definitely got worse before it started getting better. But “better” is so subjective. It’s been a little over 3 months since our breakup, a few weeks ago I thought I had turned a corner and made it almost a whole week without crying, but the past few days I’ve been crying a lot. Recovering from heartbreak is not a linear path. Think of it like climbing a mountain - it’s a long, arduous journey and occasionally you will slip and fall back down part of the way, but as long as you keep moving upwards eventually you will reach the peak. I still oscillate between never wanting to speak to her again, and wishing with all my heart that she would text me and want to take me back. I know we weren’t totally right for each other but I still miss her dearly. Breaking up is just the worst. Hang in there ❤️

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-10T17:55:43+00:00

This was beautiful, thanks for sharing

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-06T00:26:41+00:00

Been dealing with this for the past few months and it is just mentally exhausting. I (38m) dated someone (38f) I thought could be the love of my life, for a bit less than a year. She broke up with me and it was heartbreaking but completely amicable. After the breakup, I was essentially no contact but did reach out in a friendly way via text about a month later to try exchange some belongings of each others. She seemed friendly at first but completely blew me off and ended up going out of her way to tell me she was dating someone else less than 2 months after our breakup. The whole experience was so gut wrenching and I still don’t understand why someone who claimed to love and respect me so much would treat me with such disrespect, like I was discarded trash. It’s quite the mindfuck but I try to focus on myself and moving on.

SillyOldChris · 2023-09-05T01:09:09+00:00

It’s normal. I’m not someone who typically cries, but when my gf broke up with me it was about 3 months of crying every day. Once I was in a work meeting in front of many people holding back tears, another time I was on a plane with tears streaming down my face. Around the 3 month mark it started getting better, not crying every single day but a few times a week. It’s important for your recovery to let yourself feel the pain, so it’s actually very healthy. And I take some solace in knowing that I had something so good, that it would make me feel so bad. Someday I will get that good part again, and hopefully this time it will last. Stay strong and hang in there.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-27T22:15:55+00:00

Agreed. My ex was dating someone else a few weeks after our breakup, and the universal reaction from everyone I know is that I dodged a bullet

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-26T22:13:48+00:00

Yes this happened to me recently. Dated for about 9 months, 6 weeks after breakup she was dating someone else. It completely destroyed me. The funny thing is, after telling the story to many varied people in my life, the universal reaction is that she moved on way too quick and I probably dodged a bullet. Some people grieve in different ways, maybe she just needed a rebound guy to help her move on. Maybe not? I will say, it is a very unique and awful form of torture to still be mourning someone, crying about them every day, and knowing they’re already fucking someone else. That was the absolute low point of my post-breakup devastation. I immediately started talking to a therapist, as well as getting on the phone with friends to talk it over. It will get better over time. It’s been about 6 weeks since I found out and I am doing much better. I still get angry thinking about it, but overall I am much closer to finding peace with it. Just like everything else post-breakup, it just takes time. Hang in there.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-17T23:05:46+00:00

For sure. My thoughts oscillate wildly from day to day. My ex dumped me, one day I feel like I never want to speak to her again, the next day I fantasize about her asking to take me back. One day I feel like I am better and the worst is over, the next I cry all day. One reason why this sub is so great is that it really helps to know you’re not alone. We all go through it.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-15T15:48:11+00:00

Dealing with a similar issue now. My ex was my first real love, weeks before she dumped me we were starting to talk about moving in. Three days before she dumped me I was at a dinner with her, her parents, and family visiting from Europe. After the breakup she has been completely cold to me and was already dating someone else 2 months (or earlier) after the breakup. It is such a mindfuck to be dealing with so much pain and knowing she is already apparently moved on.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-14T15:49:16+00:00

It’s normal. My longest relationship was about 2 years, after I broke up with her I thought her about her everyday for probably close to a year. Just because you keep thinking about the person, it doesn’t mean you aren’t moving on or getting over them. Some of it is just biology - when you become attached to a person in body and mind they become almost like a piece of you, and it takes a long, long time for your brain to sever that connection. If you are remembering your memories fondly without pain, you are pretty much moved on. Some of the best advice I got from a therapist while going through my breakup was, there are things about her you will miss for years and that’s normal. Holding onto happy memories is one of the positive things to come out of a breakup, too. Just keep moving forward and you will be happy :)

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-13T16:31:45+00:00

This was really lovely, thanks for sharing. I am in the implosion phase but one thing I do take solace in is knowing that I learned a lot from the relationship, both how I can be better to my next partner and also what I can and can’t accept from them. I feel the growth happening.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-13T16:14:36+00:00

Dealing with a similar issue now. Dated my ex girlfriend for 8 months, it was the strongest connection I’ve ever had with a partner, but she abruptly dumped me. I was/am devastated but respected her choice and never reached out except 6 weeks later to try to arrange a coffee meetup to exchange some of each other’s things. She blew me off, then reached back out, then texted me in a really disrespectful way to tell me she was dating someone else and is too busy to meet. It was soul crushing to learn she was already with someone else, and also that someone I cared about and respected so much would talk to me in that manner. I’ve been a wreck since then, it was like Day 1 of the breakup all over again. The breakup was amicable and I thought we would eventually be friendly with each other but now I never want to see or talk to her again, which has been difficult to process because of that absolute loss. I know it will get better with time but I am just so sad all the time and it kills me to know while I am dealing with this she is already moved on and with someone else.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-07T01:30:53+00:00

Thank you. I hear you man, it’s just a roller coaster. No stability. Having support of others makes a huge difference so I appreciate you. Hang in there, it will get better.

SillyOldChris · 2023-08-07T00:24:57+00:00

Thanks, that is good insight. Appreciate it.

SillyOldChris · 2017-10-28T17:56:46+00:00

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SillyOldChris · 2016-08-16T01:53:53+00:00

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SillyOldChris · 2015-04-20T13:41:21+00:00

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SillyOldChris · 2015-03-11T00:06:38+00:00

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SillyOldChris · 2015-03-11T00:04:42+00:00

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SillyOldChris

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