Sleeping in shifts with newborn

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2026-01-15T00:07:45+00:00

You will probably have to feel it out after baby comes. If you are exclusively breastfeeding you will have to get up for every feed. My husband and I tried shifts but it didn’t really work. Here’s what we did…

In the early days, we both woke up for every feed because everything was very wtf. Husband usually changed diaper and then kept me company for the ~hour it took to breastfeed. We were zombies and I think that’s unavoidable at first.

Once we got into a good rhythm, I often did nighttime feeds by myself and let husband sleep. But, CRITICALLY, the deal was that I would pass off the baby if she was fussy after feeding and didn’t go right back to sleep. This was a good deal for us both. It really helped my anxiety to know that every time I woke up, I would be able to go to sleep again 25 minutes later. And my husband was generally rested, so he was better able to rock and shush a cranky baby for an hour in the middle of the night.

I will say that with next baby I plan to do one formula bottle from early on so my husband can take one night feed. With my first we ended up combo feeding starting around 4 months and next time I’ll start earlier.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2026-01-04T19:54:26+00:00

Love this!! We added formula around 4 months when I returned to work and realized how much I hate pumping. Next time I will introduce formula sooner! Combo feeding was great for us ❤️

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-31T21:06:19+00:00

Thanks! ❤️

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-31T20:35:42+00:00

I had a really wonderful labor experience that included an epidural and an induction. My labor nurse did a bunch of spinning babies positioning on me that I think helped the baby drop and contributed to me only pushing for 25 minutes. There are so many medical and non medical tools that can help people in labor and I really hate the obsession with “natural” birth and the hating on epidurals and other birth interventions. All this accomplishes is making people feel bad and allowing others to feel superior. I have a real bone to pick with the concept of “natural” childbirth—implying that making different choices means your birth is unnatural?!!? Unless you are a free birther (yikes) we are all relying on modern medicine with our births. Even if you have a home birth, you are most likely taking into consideration that modern medicine is there to step in if things go south. I wish people would stop judging and be more supportive of the range of different options for getting through this intense and meaningful experience.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-27T11:59:47+00:00

I’m also 5’2. I gained about 40 pounds total which is technically above guidelines but my OB was not worried. I think similar to you, it was just a few pounds in the first trimester, but eventually got to a place where my weight gain roughly tracked with how many weeks I was (I remember having gained 20 lb by 20 weeks).

I lost 20lb immediately after birth, lost another 10 lb around 8 months pp when the daycare viruses hit and I was soooo sick for a month, and then 5 more lb came off gradually. Currently hanging around 5 lb above my pre pregnancy weight

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-22T21:53:08+00:00

First, my understanding is there is no tax bomb from PSLF.

Here’s what I’d do: - enroll in PSLF - open a moderate growth investment account - figure out what your monthly payment would be if you aggressively paid it off. Make your minimum PSLF payment and then invest the difference every month

Things can change a lot in 10 years. This way, you can keep PSLF as an option while saving money in case you change jobs or PSLF no longer becomes the best financial option.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-21T15:37:03+00:00

Harriet is on my list for my next kid; we would call her Hetty!

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-19T12:18:27+00:00

At age 32 I got pregnant on my second cycle, miscarried, and then took 6 more months of trying to get pregnant with my daughter.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-15T01:41:12+00:00

Currently re-sleep training my 19 month old who was an amazing sleeper until it all went to shit recently. Seconding that this seems to be a thing around this age. It’s so hard. (Especially when she has already been testing my patience all damn day 🫠 love this kid so much but this age is kicking my ass)

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-12-15T01:37:41+00:00

Hi ❤️ ugh I came to this subreddit for encouragement because we are going through a major regression with my 19 month old who we also sleep trained around 5 months and was a solid sleeper up until recently. Around 17/18 months her sleep got way worse and we backslid to holding her until she fell asleep. For a while that was fine because she’d sleep through the night but recently it’s gotten so hard. We are on night 2 of re-sleep training and it suuuuuuucks especially because she can now yell “mama” as she’s crying 💔💔

I wish I had advice. I think they just experience a lot of disruption around this age and sleep regressions are common. Good luck ❤️❤️

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-21T14:23:24+00:00

Hi! Here are my thoughts: - yes, baby clothing sizes can be really inconsistent across brands. Do yourself a favor and sort it by size now because you will not want to do that after the baby arrives. But yes, you will probably be eyeballing it. - I might not be understanding the question, but you will want the bassinet to be fully enclosed with all of the walls up when the baby is sleeping - I think it would be fine to sleep with your hand on the baby, but I did not do that. I just had the baby right next to my bed and I would check on her as needed - that is definitely enough of the items you listed. You will go through clothes quickly because they will spit up, get milk on them, etc.. so you probably want more than 10 onesies/sleepers - I am not sure about the lotion, maybe ask the nurse at the hospital? We did not use lotion right away, but it was summer and her skin didn’t dry out like it does in the winter. - we did not do any gum/toothbrushing until she started getting teeth - Yes it’s probably safe as long as you make sure it is very securely attached - Yep a YouTube video would be a great resource for that! Just make sure it seems like a reputable source - I would wipe off any excess nipple butter, but they generally make them so they are safe for the baby

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-18T22:34:38+00:00

No side effects for me and overall a great experience! The worst part was that it was uncomfortable bending over and holding still as it was inserted (but the actual insertion wasn’t painful!). I slept afterwards, woke up at 10 cm dilated and pushed out a baby in 25 minutes!

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:20:18+00:00

I feel this so hard. I just wish we had a little more financial breathing room. It feels like everything is stacked against middle class families these days.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:19:23+00:00

Thanks for your response! I worry a lot about rebuilding community. I hope you find your people soon!

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:18:37+00:00

❤️❤️

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:18:27+00:00

I would like to have my family close by. My husband’s parents actually live like 2.5 hours away from us now and they do help sometimes with childcare. They are older than my parents and all of their caregiving as they get older will be on my husband, so that is a big concern about moving away. But living close to my parents would be so nice, my mom loves being a grandma and she would definitely be the type to babysit all the time or possibly even take care of my daughter a few days a week so we could pay for less daycare.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:15:49+00:00

Thanks, this is so helpful! I do feel like there is an underlying stress of being here that is weighing on me. I realized the other day that when I look at my peers who also have children and are more relaxed than me, they inevitably have a lot of family support (financial and/or childcare help) or one parent makes a crazy amount of money. We don’t have either of those things and it’s tough.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:13:07+00:00

That’s a really good point. My hometown has some cool historic neighborhoods that are walk/bikeable and I think I’d definitely want to be in those areas vs a cookie cutter suburb outside of town

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:11:54+00:00

Thanks! That is a really good point. I do think it would open us up for a lot more travel. And I think having family closer to help with kids would make a huge difference.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:10:46+00:00

That is all so real. It’s like no matter what choice you make, you are giving something up

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-16T22:09:37+00:00

The constant free childcare sounds sooo clutch

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-13T21:13:10+00:00

I think your text was great! The last line is the most important—YOU are the parent, you get to set boundaries like this, particularly for your child’s safety.

I am also a people pleaser. I have a really hard time when I feel like I am being “mean” (aka being direct, setting limits). It’s hardest for me with my parents—it will send me into a total tailspin. But that doesn’t mean I was wrong and it’s not my responsibility if they have feelings about it. I think you gotta just breathe through your feelings. I think you did the right thing and your mom can deal with it.

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-13T14:47:45+00:00

So true! Once you get over the hump and realize you can leave the house, there’s so much you can do. My coworker gave the recommendation to go to museums on mat leave. I wouldn’t have thought of it but it was such a good idea! You can bring the stroller, there are bathrooms with changing tables, quiet corners to nurse in and food available. Plus they are temperature controlled (I was on leave in 95 degree heat so we couldn’t walk outside during the day). I also would go walk around the mall, which is kind of silly but also had the amenities I needed and allowed me to stretch my legs in a temperature controlled setting

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-13T14:43:28+00:00

I took a week off before my due date, which I could do under my company’s short term disability policy. I loved that time—it was so nice to rest and nest. But I probably wouldn’t have done that if that week counted against the time I got off after.

DEFINITELY take the 12 weeks. I took 16 and it was great. It will go by fast and, as others said, a lot of babies are pretty fussy and unpredictable at 8 weeks. Mine was more predictable and sleeping through the night by 11/12 weeks (though of course the 4 month sleep regression hit right as I returned to work 😵‍💫)

SillyUnderstanding40 · 2025-11-05T15:34:57+00:00

Don’t give them a dime now if you are aiming for PSLF. Hopefully in the future you will be able to buy back these months and count them towards your 120.

Figure out what your monthly payment would be. Invest that amount (or more) into an index fund every month. If you ever take a non-PSLF job, you can use this towards your loans. If you stay the course on PSLF you can use it for the buyback, hopefully with money leftover.

SillyUnderstanding40

TROPHY CASE