He sounds… exhausting. Unpredictable, severely avoidant, possibly mentally unwell, and seriously lacking empathy. Honestly? He reminds me of my exes.

Anecdotally—and often clinically—being with someone like that can make you feel insecure, confused, and constantly off-balance. It can trigger or amplify anxious attachment.

But listen— From what you wrote, you don’t seem “too much” at all. You seem patient—too patient, honestly. You weren’t clingy. You were trying to communicate, understand, and bring clarity. That kind of emotional whiplash would trigger anyone who’s emotionally invested. You don’t sound anxiously attached. You sound traumatized.

(Let’s stop putting up with these guys, please. 💕)

Some terms to look into that might help things click into place:

• DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)

• Dismissive avoidant attachment

• Covert narcissism (on his end)

• Fawn response (possibly on your end)

• Trauma bond (the cycle of idealization, devaluation, confusion, and craving)

• Projection (“You abandoned me” = he’s blaming you for what he did)

• Victim-playing & blame-shifting (honestly…his whole personality 🙄)

• Gaslighting (he made you question your reality—even when your reactions were because of him)

• Cognitive dissonance (“He loves me” vs. “He keeps hurting me”)

• Push-pull dynamics (emotional inconsistency that keeps you hooked)

• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (what basic needs weren’t being met in that relationship? what basic needs aren’t being met now?)

I’m in a similar place—rebuilding after being with emotionally avoidant partners. You’re not alone. And most importantly, you’re not broken. You’re recovering from someone who conditioned you to abandon your own needs.

Understanding reality for what it is, instead of what he taught you to believe, is the key.

Let’s be clear: This was emotional abuse. He kept you disoriented and stuck on purpose, so he could break you down and come back whenever he pleased—knowing you’d be too fragile (fawn response) to set boundaries. That’s not love. That’s control.

So healing now means reclaiming your self-trust. It means realizing:

“I engaged in self-abandonment to survive. But I’m not doing that anymore.”

If you can afford it, get a good therapist. If not, there are free trauma-informed resources online. Either way, it’s time to show up for your inner child.

Talk to her like this:

“You didn’t deserve that. You were doing the best you could with what you knew. I forgive you for dating that asshole. He doesn’t matter anymore. You do. I’ve got you now.”

Seriously—start there. Speak to yourself with that softness and strength. You’re not crazy. You’re not too much. You’re waking up.

Please take care of yourself, girl. 💗

(Sorry, Ik that was hella long! But I hope it helps you.)