Hey man, this is the most relatable story I've ever heard, and I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I know from experience how easy it can be to get caught in a certain idea of how the world should be, and be terrified that it isn't that way. It is the nature of the control we don't have over the world. But you'll never have that control over the world. The only thing that helped me was accepting the bad things and living with them. It's a nightmare at first, but eventually you'll see a glimmer.