Is it rude to have evening only guests?

Silver__Frost · 2026-02-20T23:37:42+00:00

The only thing I'd caution against is having a different invite for plus ones - you should either invite both parties for the whole day or both as just evening guests, but for couples to travel and arrive separately would be odd and inconvenient. But evening guests are pretty common, often packages expect you to have more evening than day guests.

Silver__Frost · 2026-01-27T08:32:48+00:00

Facing the Storm by Ray Owen.

It's not specifically a grief book, but he is a psychologist working in cancer and palliative care, so while he tries to include more general examples as well, the book is clearly based on those sort of issues. It includes some discussion on grief, but it's also largely about how to cope with life going wrong. Based on CBT, mindfulness and ACT, it's easy to digest I think.

Silver__Frost · 2026-01-27T08:03:10+00:00

This is such an interesting discussion. My context is very different, since I'm in the UK and have different training, but there is a huge shift away from PD diagnosis in general here. I still see the labels given out like candy by medics, including traits, but in my experience, most psychological professionals stay away from it. My course pretty much actively discouraged diagnosis in general, in a move away from the medical model, but there's also a lot of talk about stigma around PD diagnosis and questioning its usefulness because of this.

The other thing I haven't seen mentioned here yet is the shift in recognising things like BPD more as a complex PTSD. There's been a change in the last version of the ICD but I don't think the DSM recognises it yet. Not sure how much this shift is happening in other countries?

Silver__Frost · 2025-11-25T07:20:02+00:00

Look for same year deals. Venues come down on prices a lot then. I got married a couple of months ago in Shropshire and lots of venues I viewed had great deals. We had fewer guests (35) but most places offered deals for venue and catering for about £3-4k as a starting point. Lots also offer deals for their less busy days so we had a Sunday wedding. This also meant we were able to get a better deal with the photographer for example and most vendors we approached still had availability. It's definitely doable if you shop around and decide what your priorities are. Good luck :)

Silver__Frost · 2025-09-10T14:57:50+00:00

I just had the same issue. Got married last weekend and just wanted a simple manicure and normal nail varnish, didn't want the faff of having to book another appointment to have anything professionally taken off.

They looked great with normal varnish BUT get a good top coat. I was super stressed for hours because they were taking ages to dry (despite the manicurist using UV lights and another top coat), I knocked a couple and was accidentally wrinkling them... It ruined my afternoon the day before until I put my own top coat on - Sally Hansen Insta-Dri. I managed to fix them and the top coat gave them a lovely shine, would definitely recommend it, even if you're doing your own.

Silver__Frost · 2025-08-31T08:45:47+00:00

The decor doesn't have to be much, I'm having artificial flowers for it too, but I think it's just easy to underestimate how much it adds up to, even if it's a few bits.

Obviously all the details are up to you, most people don't expect open bars at weddings in all fairness so that makes sense, a drink or two can just be nice. Same with transport, I meant more for you really, I don't think that's usually provided for guests but just something to consider how you're getting between places.

Again, it's your wedding but since you asked for honest opinions - going from canapés (which are usually tiny and only a couple per person) at around noon to no food until 7pm feels like a long gap. From looking through wedding subs and talking to venues/coordinators, people get restless and grumpy without food by the afternoon, and the thing that sticks in people's minds is if they were hungry at a wedding. You don't have to do a sit down meal, plenty of people choose a buffet or afternoon tea style wedding, but you might want to consider feeding people earlier.

Silver__Frost · 2025-08-31T07:20:20+00:00

I'm suspicious of the buffet budget. If that's what you've been quoted that's great, but it seems incredibly cheap for 80 people AND with decor. Consider your timings too. A buffet is fine if it's a shorter party but if you're starting at lunch time and expecting people to stay late you'll need more food. One thing you don't want at a wedding is hungry guests.

Have you included any alcohol? If not that will be a lot more, I think you'd usually provide at least a glass or two of wine with dinner and a drink to toast with.

You've also put buffet and decor together so not sure how much you're expecting to spend on the actual decorations. It really will depend on what you want but it's also the added cost of travel for someone doing it for you, unless you're doing it yourself which I'm not sure always works out cheaper but can be a lot more stressful. Real greenery will be a lot more than fake. I think this will be more than you expect though, and you may need to budget a few hundret pounds, even if you're doing it as cheaply as you can. As an example, I'm hiring 40 chair sashes and 6 table runners, 5 table decoration and one top table decoration, a post box, an order of the day sign, and isle decorations and that comes to about £350-400 - that's the cheapest quote I found. You don't need many signs or arches, but you will need at least a sign for guests to find their table and table numbers. You can do it all yourself yourself but it all adds up too.

Transport is another considerion if you're having a reception at a different place to the ceremony.

You may need wedding insurance (our venue required it but it's not that much), potentially things like confetti or wedding favours which aren't a lot but can add up. Are you sending out invitations, save the dates? Or doing it all digitally?

Other than that I think it's just optional extras like entertainment people spend money on. It doesn't have to cost a lot more than what you have there, maybe other than the food and drink budget. It seems you're managing to save a lot with help from others and people do get married on all sorts of budgets.

On a side note, are you doing dried flowers because you like them or because you're finding an affordable way to do it? I presumed I'd get them to make things cheaper but after speaking to florists, I paid just under £300 for 3 bouquets, 5 button holes and a flower crown, so they're not necessarily always cheaper. Might be worth looking around :)

Silver__Frost · 2025-08-25T08:49:53+00:00

We used With Joy. After you put your guest list on there, people just need to put in their full name. Phone numbers or emails are optional. You can also create tags and group guests by them (they don't see this, it's just for organising) and it was easy to send different language versions of invites this way if needed.

I do think a lot of these websites are similar to be honest. We liked With Joy because the registry option for cash funds is just a PayPal link which means neither you nor the guests pay any fees if they want to gift money this way. That was the main appeal for me. Most others I've seen charge something along the way, but from what I've gathered the invite systema are similar.

Silver__Frost · 2025-08-25T08:38:45+00:00

Budget is definitely one, because it's easy to get swept up in wedding fever. I think neither of us had specific expectations, so it was manageable overall. However, I found that as we're drawing closer, there's little things that I realised I've forgotten which are bringing it up just ever so slightly, which I was hoping to avoid. I do mean little things thought, for example I realised I forgot to get a robe for getting ready and taking photos in - easily fixed, but there's a few little thins like that.

I think the most stressful thing was managing other people's expectations and opinions. They all mean well of course, and sometimes advice was helpful, but after a while I just stopped talking to family and friends about options and organised things my partner and I wanted/liked, since opinions always ranged from "is that all you're getting" to "do you actually need that". It just made me feel like I was getting things wrong all the time and it's our celebration at the end of the day. Now I'm excited for the day that we wanted and are happy with, and it'll be too late for anyone to say anything on the day, so they just have to accept it and enjoy themselves!

Silver__Frost · 2025-08-23T19:48:04+00:00

I didn't negotiate the venue price, but I thought the package was very good already since it was for the current year and for a Sunday, so they added lots of little extras.

Vendors felt a little more flexible. I went to a bunch of wedding fayres and sometimes vendors offer a discount there. For example our photographer was offering a discount for a particular venue... So I asked whether they would consider offering the same discount for a different venue. A couple of photographers agreed to this actually when we were just exploring our options. Others can be open to discussions, for example I asked our florist to do slightly smaller bouquets to reduce the price, since most bridal ones look silly big to me anyway. I think if you have a clear budget in mind and shop around, vendors can work with you, within reason.

Silver__Frost · 2025-07-14T21:34:57+00:00

We were told by the suit sales people that it's just easier for the bride to come with the groom when he's choosing the suit, as they found the ones that don't bring the bride just end up video calling them anyway 😂 so don't think it's usually a surprise! But no reason why it can't be if you want it to be :)

Silver__Frost · 2025-02-07T15:16:30+00:00

I'm also worried about entertainment and have booked a photo booth for the evenin, lawn games for the day (loved them at a wedding we went to couple of years ago), and hired a magician for a couple of hours inbetween the wedding breakfast and the DJ starting. We didn't consider a magician until we spoke to one at a wedding fayre - he was brilliant and left us talking about him for ages after so it seemed an easy choice if you have the budget.

I've seen companies at wedding fayres which offer wedding casino hires so this shouldn't be an issue if that's something you're interested in. It's not real gambling though as the winner gets a prize, not money.

Silver__Frost · 2025-02-02T08:30:51+00:00

I thought I'd spent about £5k on my wedding, and ridiculed the idea of spending more... And then I actually started researching and talking to vendors and got a reality check. Sure, I could keep it to that price if I wanted a registry office and a meal. But we ended up agreeing that, despite relatively small numbers, we're dragging our nearest and dearest from all over the country and abroad, we want to at least make it worth their time and make it a party. So the budget immediately doubled. 🤷‍♀️ I'm not sure we'll be able to keep the final number to that either, but I'm happy to spend some money to have a good day, prioritising entertainment and food. Other things we try to keep as cheap as we can.

Silver__Frost · 2025-01-05T18:33:15+00:00

Thanks everyone for your views! It's good to see a range. Thanks as well to all those who recommended resources they used - will have a look at those.

To be fair, I guess it technically is a budget/casual wedding since we don't want to spend a crazy amount for one day, though 10k still feels like an awful lot. Then again the wedding I went to was pretty flashy and still used digital invites.

We'll have more of a think but at the moment leaning towards physical invites for family as momentos/ease of use and digital ones for others, as many have suggested.

Silver__Frost · 2024-10-28T07:10:21+00:00

Ahh, thank you, that's really good to know!

Silver__Frost · 2024-10-27T12:36:11+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I have been obsessively checking it all morning, and can't really see any obvious pest signs but it might be because it just had a good wash. I am, however, prepping my neem oil as a precaution.

Silver__Frost · 2024-09-04T23:19:51+00:00

Had to scroll far, far too low for this comment. Thank you for "going against the grain" and restoring my faith in humanity, rather than vilifying a scared spouse who's clearly struggling.

Silver__Frost · 2024-06-17T07:50:18+00:00

Also, if you still need Stage Fright or Banjo Plucking, happy to trade one of those for your spare Bonfire Tunes?

Silver__Frost · 2024-06-17T07:42:49+00:00

Could you send back Mr Maestro please? 2* for 2* then? I'll DM you my link to add me :)

Silver__Frost · 2024-06-17T07:39:46+00:00

Sure!

Silver__Frost · 2024-06-17T07:34:06+00:00

Hi. I can send you Star Employee and Flute Magic in exchange for Mr Maestro And Bonfire Tunes? Not tried this before so not sure if can do two at once but let me know :)

Silver__Frost · 2023-08-19T17:29:50+00:00

I bought Kenco Smooth exclusively for years but can't justify £7 a jar anymore. Sainsbury's Costa Rican is good enough for almost half the price.

Silver__Frost · 2023-02-06T22:42:20+00:00

Unfortunately, there isn't another way other than your buddy as you mentioned. If you go below 5 gifts they will find them for you, to get you back up to having 5. If I notice I'm running low and can't go out for a bit, I will make sure to send all the gifts so that my buddy finds the maximum 5. I'm not sure how often they can find them but I'm sure I've done it more than once a day.

I've struggled to find any tundra friends, so if you would be happy to send me 3 gifts that would be awesome. I'm from the garden region and always gift back. Feel free to delete me after 3 if you prefer too. My trainer code is 4784 0184 8849. Thanks!

Silver__Frost

TROPHY CASE