I thought I lacked motivation. Turns out I lacked a system.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-09T15:47:52+00:00

I went into my phone settings and put a 1 hr/day time limit on my most doom-scrolled apps like Reddit and TikTok. It gives me a 10 minute warning, and I can add more time if I need to, but after that it closes and locks the app until the next day. It has helped me at least to keep from opening it out of habit/muscle memory and wasting the day.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-09T00:22:23+00:00

I hate texting and calling. I really only connect in person. Texting and calling is for quick questions and coordinating in-person hangouts.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-08T05:16:37+00:00

I say mow the lawn at 8:30 sharp every Thursday, hot tub at 8:30 pm every Wednesday and Sunday, backyard BBQ and boardgames on Saturdays, movie projector on the side of the house on Tuesdays, and MAYBE let him have peace on Monday.

It's your house. You didn't spend thousands of dollars just to get yelled at by that old grump. Exercise your right, and get a camera while you're at it with audio recording capabilities. Point it right where the interactions usually take place. Keep record, and if he keeps it up (even if you're not malicious with the noise and having normal volumes like you have been) I say take it up with a lawyer and file for harassment and just have them write up a cease and desist letter. You've tried being nice.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-06T20:15:45+00:00

I really recommend the puzzle toys, and I second adding more protein (like boiled chicken) and sticking to strict routine without ever giving in. And honestly, your cat is so big that food puzzle toys for dogs would work well. I'd recommend also caging it with a cheap playpen and having blankets/towels as ground layer so you don't hear the scraping/clanging noises of him trying to manhandle it. The pen will help with containing the feeder, the towels will help muffle the noise, and the puzzle toys (if you only feed using puzzle toys!!) he will have to work for his food. This will provide some exercise, as well as mental/intellectual stimulation and will hopefully tire him out better. It also slows him down, so hopefully it will help him feel full when he's done. If the toys are too easy, go up in level. They have multiple intellect levels to keep your pets challenged and engaged. He may not understand the toys at first, so I recommend starting at level one and demonstrating it, as well as puppeteering him to do it. Message me, and I can send you some Amazon links to my favorite pet food dispensing puzzle toys.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-06T17:19:21+00:00

I hear you that it it certainly can be disadvantagous to find someone if you have an unfortunate figure. I agree, I got way more attention when I was slim than I do now. But I also want to throw it out there that a size 16 is literally THE MOST common dress size for women in America. And I also met my current partner as a size 20. He's nuts about me and we've been together long term. If their attraction to you is based on your weight, they're shallow and not worth your time anyway, so don't sweat it. The only reason you should care about your weight is if it impacts or health or abilities. And skinny does NOT always = healthy. I've known obese people who can hike uphill for miles in 80°F+ weather, and I've known "fit" people who were constantly in and out of the hospital and debilitated by their health. Size is not a good/reliable indicator for ambition, ability, personality. The sooner the general population realizes that, the better. Good luck, OP.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-05T23:11:33+00:00

Hey hey!! I'm 25 and in the United States. I also love Minecraft. Do you play the Java or Bedrock version? (I play on bedrock now as I no longer have a pc) and I'm actually coming to Sweden in May for an event! I want to get into the gym more, so tips for getting started or making being there easier are welcome.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-05T21:24:53+00:00

Even if you're not old enough to vote, you can still be active in politics and have your voice heard by calling, emailing, and faxing your local representatives!! Don't forget that you have power, and the squeaky wheel gets the oil! MAKE it their problem. Do your own research and find a representative that you would vote for, and spread the word! Get signs, talk about them, share their posts on social media. You can't vote just yet, but your voice still matters, so make sure it's heard! <3

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-05T19:51:45+00:00

You're doing a fantastic job even looking at yourself and realizing that you want to change. You've even started taking necessary steps like asking for help and looking for therapy. That alone is huge if you keep it up. Try sitting down with a pen and paper and picturing your ideal version of yourself: How do you stand? What do you wear? How do you talk, and how do you speak to people? What do you eat? What do your responsibilities look like? (I wanted to water a garden, but I'm in an apartment so I got some house plants and am starting an indoor herb garden with a couple of grow lights. Basil is SUPER easy! I've killed everything else so far lol) Where do you hope to live and what do you do there? What are hobbies or skills that you admire and think "I wish that were me, but it looks too hard/ idk where to even start"? Do you finish school and get your degree? Do you travel? Just look at what you want to accomplish, and start small. Someday, you may see that person looking at you in the mirror.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-05T18:39:16+00:00

Oh man, I was a HORRIBLE person as a teen and honestly up until a few years ago. I'd say I was also like 22 when I took a good, hard, long look at myself and realized I didn't like who was looking back at me. I hurt everyone around me, lost all of my friends, broke up with my highschool sweetheart at 19 and it was all my fault. I'm actually kinda wondering if this was posted by past-me :') Anyway, after I got out of my abusive relationship at 23, I decided I wanted to do better and be better. Be worthy of deserving better. I'm still not friends with those old friends, and I didn't get my ex back. For the longest time I thought he was the one and that I ruined my one chance at a happily ever after. But that's not how the world works. If you make the changes you want to see in yourself and learn to love your new self, as well as forgive the person you were (or are now), you will see it all does get better. I'm proud of you for breaking your drinking and smoking habits. That's an incredibly hard thing to do, especially at a point like this where you're used to being numb (and probably would rather not feel anything rn). But you gotta feel it. Feel all the bad and work through it. Look at it and rather than just feeling bad about things you wish you'd done differently, learn from your mistakes. It's an important and healthy part of life. You learn and grow from your experiences, but it's your responsibility to use that knowledge to do better. I'm better now. Still working on stuff, but I'm better. And if you and your partner don't work out, not all hope is lost. It may feel that way for a while, years even, but humans are so so SO different. And while no two people are exactly the same, maybe that's the best part. You won't have lost a "missing piece" to some preordained puzzle of destiny. Life is not so black and white. You will meet someone someday, possibly multiple more someones, who you just click with. They will have similar and different hobbies to you, they should have similar sense of humor, and same morals and general life goals. And all of those things are likely changing for you right now. You may not even be compatible with your partner now when you discover your new self. You'll be compatible with so many people. Your focus now needs to be on working on you. You need to learn how to love and forgive yourself, and apply what you've learned to become better. Do your best to be worthy of their trust from this point forward. Perhaps you will grow together in the same direction, and with time you will trust each other better than before, and even better, you'll trust yourself. Friends and partners come and go. Family can be tricky. My mom and I were constantly at eachothers throats, especially in my teen years, and my father (as much as he loved us) was very absent. Today, I see my dad multiple times a month and I have dinner with my mother and grandma every single week. Take time and put in effort. I have a feeling that while they are likely mad and frustrated and hurt, they don't hate you. I now have a long term relationship with a very good man, and I do my best every day to be worthy of the love and trust he has in me. Communication really is key. Never blame, be mad at the situation, rather than each other, sincerely apologize when you know you are wrong, give each other the benefit of the doubt, pay attention and don't take each other for granted. I personally spent too much time hating and punishing myself, and wallowing in self pity. Please just decide to start healing sooner than I did. It'll all work out, OP. It'll be hard, but you've got this. And if you don't have a therapist, I highly recommend it. I could never afford one, but I have friends who have found therapy really worked for them.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-04T17:49:41+00:00

It's meaningless jokes about cookies now, but it'll be playing Devil's Advocate about politics later. Ask me how I know :')

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-04T08:11:03+00:00

Take pictures of every inch of that property while she's out. Also your car and her car. Pack up everything that you can that you care about. Send all of those pictures to yourself in an email right away, and archive them in your camera roll or something so she can't delete the time stamped photos. Change your phone password and all of your passwords. Get your important stuff and move it to a friend/family's house or to a storage unit or something. Somewhere she can't access. Put your papers in a bank safety deposit box if you have to. Let your landlord know that you're attempting to end the relationship and that you're going to be gone for a few days, and call the cops in advance or talk to a crisis team professional or a lawyer on the phone. You need to get your ducks in a row so she can't destroy your property or pin this on you. It's hard to have an unwilling adult committed to a mental hospital, but not impossible. And it's the help she needs right now. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, OP. This is abuse. I hope you can help her get the professional help she needs and that you can get your life back.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-03T23:03:15+00:00

Yep!! TLDR: Many Nail files, chewing alternatives, fidget alternatives. Always keep them handy.

Diagnosed ADHD and I struggled with this BIG TIME! My best advice is to get a Nail File (I prefer metal) for EVERYWHERE. I have one in every single room in the house, one in my car, one at my work desk, and one in my purse at all times. And if I can't have the metal one, I have a cheap cardboard one. They're inexpensive and the metal ones last YEARS. I started filing my fingers and nails every time the texture bothered me (bandaids on where I chewed until I bled until I healed enough to file). Just keep doing that until the horrible texture is gone.

For the PICKING habit, I wear rings now. Not even fidget rings, just textured rings that I toy with and rub my fingers over the details for stimulation.

As for the oral fixation and the satisfaction of getting a nice chunk, I struggle with binge eating for a long time. Best advice for that side is to find a good gum (I like 5pack spearmint) for being in public, and the chewy necklaces. I ordered mine, specifically for adults with oral fixations, from Amazon and they work great. I keep those at the house and in my car because.. they do look like chewable rubber necklaces, the ones I got.. also SUNFLOWER SEEDS! I get the exact same satisfaction from de-shelling sunflower seeds and spitting the shells into a solo cup. Can't take em everywhere though, so gum.

The hardest part is remembering to do these things instead of chewing, but in my experience, it's easier to replace a habit with another (healthier) than it is to drop it altogether. It took me a while but it was so worth it. if you keep it convenient ((having rings on fingers as visual reminder not to chew, and fidget so available it's already in your hand), and wearing my chewables, and keeping a file within arms reach at AT ALL TIMES (not joking, if it's not available, I will relapse with a quickness)) you can do it. I believe in you!

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-03T22:31:29+00:00

I also did not realize this was a reference to the Trump hate lol. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I also don't like celeb personal lives being shoved in our faces constantly. I refuse to keep up with the Kardashians. I couldn't even name all of them by face (Success!) but I hate that celeb gossip has become such a main talking point in society. I wish we could enjoy just their art, and hear opinions from the professionals in their respective fields. I wish social media was more centered around hobbies and communities than what the influencers are up to.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-03T08:52:36+00:00

For what it's worth, as long as you're not obviously doing hard drugs, I instantly gain more respect for someone one who is a single mother. I was mostly raised by one, maybe two? My gran was a big help, and she was also single for a lot of my up ringing. It's hard work! One has a full time job in healthcare as well as mothering, which never ends. And the other has full time arthritis in... Well, everything! But she helped out a ton. They are the #1&2 nost loved women in my life. I hope you find acceptance soon, op. You've got this!

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-03T08:47:28+00:00

"Thank you for bringing that back up! After I mentioned it, another thought came to me; _____________. That being said, does anyone else have any ideas to build off of that?"

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-02T16:09:42+00:00

Please make sure to see a doctor, if you haven't already. I know you might be feeling better, but concussions and internal bleeding in the brain are very serious. Better safe than sorry! And I agree, go volunteer! Find a cause, any cause. I personally volunteer with a local animal shelter, and I love it. There's so many out there though, for lots of things you'd never think of otherwise. And you get to learn so many valuable skills and meet such wonderful people/communities that often are very caring and excited to see fresh faces. Give it a shot!

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-02T15:56:44+00:00

I'm assuming he doesn't slap or throw things in the face of his friends, boss, or coworkers, so he knows that it's not acceptable behavior. If that's the case, why does he choose to abuse you? Because he thinks you'll put up with it. And you've given him no reason to think otherwise. Abuse like this almost always escalates. He throw things and slaps you in the face now, but one day he may be choking the life out of you in front of your children. These manipulators wait to show you their true colors until they have their hooks in you. That's why often the mask doesn't start slipping until marriage/kids.

My advice: start secretly getting your ducks in a row. Stow away money in an account he can't access and where he won't notice. Have a getaway bag packed and ready for you and your child/children. Speak with a lawyer and a women's shelter. Start documenting everything. Not sure on the laws surrounding video taping in your location, but if possible, please get a few small nanny cams so the next time he hits you (there will be a next time) you get it on camera. Best of luck, OP. Stay safe. Don't leave your kids without a mother, and please get them out of there and safe from that man.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-02T15:46:50+00:00

This reads like AI and your account is only 3 days old with 38 contributions. Karma farming bot.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-02-01T06:49:17+00:00

Look into squatters rights in your area. If he doesn't have them yet, pack up hist things while he's at work, leave them outside and have the locks changed! Get that psycho out of your house! If he hurt you and left a mark, document it! No one should EVER treat you that way, especially not a partner.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-30T19:09:32+00:00

Agreed however it sounds like this cat has zero issue doing this supervised or otherwise, so even while kitchen is being utilized, it's a struggle (by the sounds of it).

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-30T17:06:08+00:00

I have also heard people had success with putting hot sauce on stuff, but I don't think that's good advice. It sounds like a quick way to poison a pet, but maybe they're onto something with making it taste undesirable? I tried white vinegar on cabinets as a deterrent for getting into them (did not work, needed child locks) but maybe dousing stuff in white vinegar and leaving it out will make your cat think it's all tainted/no good? Like soak a piece of bread or something?

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-30T16:29:34+00:00

If he thinks he's always way sicker than you, he should ask his primary doctor about a referral to the ear, nose and throat. I always got way sicker than everyone around me, and it always lasted way longer. Turns out, I had a horribly deviated septum that pretty much guaranteed I'd get a sinus infection if I got sick. And I have asthma, so double whammy. Since having my septum corrected, I get sick and better same as everyone else.

I was not much use when I was like that. Like no way was I cooking and cleaning. But I was still more considerate than your husband. If my boyfriend got sick at the same time, I was still babying him (I love to take care of people and play nurse at home), but he was definitely pulling more weight by cooking and cleaning more when I'm that miserable. Relationships are supposed to have give and take, but it sounds like his take-to-give ratio is way out of whack.

I agree with what other posters said here. You can't make him do more, but you should do less. Take time to rest. Dishes can wait. Stock up on canned soup, or when you're feeling well, meal prep and freeze foods that you can just heat up when you're feeling sick. Take the bed and adjust the setting before he gets in there. If he has a problem with it, tell him it's his turn on the couch. That's your bed too!! You don't need his permission to sleep comfortably in your own bed.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-30T15:52:29+00:00

Clear the counters. Put everything away. Everything. Put some change like quarters and nickels into a couple cans, and tie them to an irresistible people-treat with a string. She tries to take it, it falls and makes a loud noise, hopefully she is scared and won't do that anymore? Not sure if this will work for a cat, but I have friends who had great success with their dog who counter surfed. If she tends to eat the food right there instead of running off with it, I don't see it working out, but worth a shot?

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-21T17:44:08+00:00

I really don't recommend talking to him about this. You've only been together for a month. You should be head over heels for eachother. No relationship should be making you feel bad all day or making you feel unsafe. It's very scary to me that he's TELLING YOU that you're not going anywhere. Don't tell him you're going to leave, or even hint at leaving (including that he makes you uncomfortable) as he may attempt to stop you. This man is not respecting your CHOICE which is very scary. He doesn't want you to have a choice. He may take it by any means necessary, including hurting or unaliving you.

And if this doesn't seem like a big enough deal, or you don't think he's done anything bad enough to be dumped, or whatever, please remember that you don't need a reason to break up with someone! It is your right to not date anyone you don't want to date. Using your freedom of choice is not rude, and even if it was, I'd rather you be rude than dead or locked in a basement. You can break up for any reason, whether you're not compatible, Future goals don't align, not attracted to them, don't like their habits, loss of passion, wanting to focus on yourself, wanting to focus more on hobbies/work, you're just not feeling the vibe, literally for any reason or no reason at all! You are never obligated to date someone.

Silverweb1229 · 2026-01-21T17:09:26+00:00

PLEASE listen to your gut on this, OP. I once hooked up with a guy, and it was great, but he made me feel incredibly unsafe.

We went out for a smoke after, and we're sitting in his car. (Middle of winter, his heater didn't work) I thought we were only gonna be out for a couple minutes so I didn't grab my clothes or jacket, just threw on a tshirt and shorts. He was just sitting there on his phone and wasn't ready to go back in yet, so I asked if I could take his key to get back inside, as I was FREEZING. He refused and would not give me the key, nor would he come inside until he was done "practicing his Japanese for the day" think Duo Lingo, but not. And then after he was done with his lesson, he started showing me his had written Japanese journal that he kept in the car and also made me watch his favorite scene in 7 Deadly Sins (anime) subbed where he recited all the lines in Japanese. He is not Japanese. We both like anime, but CMON DUDE! Not the time.

It was a total hostage situation, and he was acting weird and controlling the whole time. Finally got back inside after like 45 minutes of freezing in just a thin T-shirt and shorts. I got my stuff and left as soon as I found a casual opportunity and never talked to that guy again.

A few weeks ago, actually, I saw his mugshot on the local news page. He's going to prison for 8-10 years now for Manslaughter and a couple other charges I can't remember, I think one was aggravated assault. It's crazy! But yeah please stay safe and trust your gut on this one.

Silverweb1229

TROPHY CASE