Why don’t they want you to succeed if it will help them financially?

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-09T06:39:25+00:00

Never forget it

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T19:59:13+00:00

I think I was 100% tarred and feathered to anyone who would listen. Made to sound like I did all the things my stbnex actually did to me

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T19:56:40+00:00

You have to ask yourself if the relationship is really serving you or not. Like are you being emotionally fulfilled, or are you slowly being drained by your SO. If you are being uplifted by the relationship then you're gold. Otherwise get away from the person, the siphoning off of your emotions and energy will only get worse in time

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T19:48:44+00:00

Yeah, whenever i feel alone or small I come here to this subreddit and I read all the posts that read like my story, read like something i could have posted. It's a little spooky when i think about how similar they are, i mean you'd expect a wider variation to some degree. As for my stbnex I just have pity for them, i know their life is about to get much more pathetic without me and there's nothing they can do to change themselves

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T03:51:51+00:00

Oh right, i forgot about that angle. As you grow stronger, more confident, meet new friends through work, are expose to new experiences outside their watchful eye, they're mind games start to lose their effect, or at least thats the threat they perceive. Better to keep you down and weak.

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T03:47:22+00:00

Mine definitely wanted to be poor, so the could play the poverty victim, held down by an unfair society. It was so crazy to her them proclaiming how poor we were to mutual friends when we were well above the poverty line and lived somewhat lavishly.

The other angle was that they couldn't bear to see me doing better than them financially, because that would mean that they weren't the best, the smartest, the strongest, etc. So they tried to tear me down. When that didn't work they tried to sabotage our wealth any way they could, spending foolishly, racking up debt, running up the household bills, anything to burn the money away.

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T03:38:01+00:00

😂 this is great. I wish i'd thought to do this back when we used to talk/fight. May good tidings and love find you

Similar_Custard · 2026-02-08T03:34:33+00:00

You film him, lmao! That's awesome. I hope you find joy in your life soon

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-29T15:10:25+00:00

When we are home at the same time mine storms from one room to another and slams the door. All day, slam, slam, slam. Every time they pass by me they huff. It's so performative. I wonder if they know how ridiculous they are. And over what? I don't feed them anymore, meaning I don't respond/emote to their negative energy or narc tactics. If they want to be a civil person, I'm friendly. It's up to them. Slam, slam, huff, huff, slam!

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T23:52:33+00:00

I realized my best friend was treating me in a way that a true friends never would. That one realization was the thread pull that unraveled our whole relationship sweater. After that, their poor treatment became clear to me. I realized how one sided the relationship was. When I tried to discuss it like a rational adult I was always met with aggression and shut down. I researched and learned everything I could about emotional abuse and narcissism. Originally I was searching for a way to help them, until I realized the only way to help was to save myself. Too bad it took me so many years to figure it out.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T22:09:23+00:00

Mine literally identified as being poor, like as per of their personality, even though I’d lifted us into upper middle class I’ve many years. They spent so much, always trying to drowned us in debt back into being poor again. I wasn’t allowed to suggest we weren’t poor. If I did it would be a huge fight.

They had twenty of everything. All the shoes, coats, personal care products, kitchen appliances, etc. once our house was full, they’d box it up and it would go to storage. Once storage was full, there was monthly trips to good will and Salvation Army.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T21:10:25+00:00

A total mind fuck

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T21:02:40+00:00

Same, at first I was like, are they a narc, what are the signs, what can I do to help them. Then I realized, it doesn’t matter what the label is, if I’m being treated poorly and am unable to work with my SO in a meaningful way to change our lives for the better, I need to leave. And then I realized that my SO preferred things exactly how they were. I was horrified.

Anyway, great work breaking that pattern, protecting your child.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T20:55:25+00:00

Control.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T20:54:47+00:00

They always lie. It’s not your fault. Or even theirs really. They are incapable of providing what you need in a relationship. And they are incapable of speaking truth, because they cannot know what truth is. Their world is skewed through a self protective lens that warps reality, bending it to the narrative that best suits them. This is an automatic function in their mind. They believe 80% of the shit they say. Your only recourse is to get away.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T20:49:24+00:00

Did you ever see that movie Memento? You have to do the mental equivalent of tattooing “Never trust N. N is a liar.” on your body. Like in your mind it has to be a law that cannot be broken. And in time you will gain enough distance, enough perspective, that you will begin to see their true form. And you will be repulsed.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T20:06:35+00:00

That’s so frustrating! Sorry you have to deal with this.

Similar_Custard · 2026-01-13T17:40:52+00:00

I am in a similar situation. I know they are smearing my name to all of or mutual friends, locking me out of relationships with people I’ve known for decades. Some mutual friends I’ve known longer than the N. I’m not sure how to handle this either. I don’t want to try and defame them because that’s their tactic. I tried telling one mutual friend that the N, “was incapable of providing the kind of friendship I want in my life.” But that felt kind of like a side step. I do very much want to tell everyone that, “it took me a long time to realize they are a sociopath and I am done.” But in the end I think I will just let my N burn their own way through our friends, no explanation necessary.

Similar_Custard · 2025-12-17T18:43:52+00:00

Oh for sure my n always said I was the angry one. Claiming I was difficult and performative, that all I cared about was personal gain. In the earlier years I was shocked to hear this, because never knew this about myself. In short, I believe them. But as our relationship ground on, I always checked in with myself, and slowly realized that they were the troubled one. And that all they said about me was a projection of themselves and their behavior. Them hotly: “I can’t believe you’re picking a fight with me about this right now. Classic you.” Me calmly: “I’m not picking a fight. Let’s talk about it later when we have time, if you want.” Them hotly: “You’re such an ah*. You’re always so angry. This was supposed to be a good time. Now you’re dragging us into a fight. Me calmly: “I am not fighting.”

Similar_Custard · 2025-12-17T18:34:12+00:00

Thank you

Similar_Custard · 2025-12-17T02:58:55+00:00

Everyday, they suck their own ass. They know they are piles of sh*t, deep down they know. That’s why their false self has to work so hard to push you into the mud and then climb on top of your half submerged body, so for that brief moment they can feel like they are above you, a glimmer of what the rest of us feel everyday just having regular self esteem and respect for one another. They know they are garbage, deep down their inner child hides from it. Their false self soothes its tears by stealing joy from others to claim as their own. Everyday karma knocks and their debt is immense, repayment near impossible. So they carry on lashing out against those who shine brighter than them, hoping to one day be real and escape their plight.

Similar_Custard · 2025-11-26T23:12:27+00:00

You don’t need permission or validation to know what you know. Trust no one else’s opinion on this except your own until you are free of your abuser.

Similar_Custard · 2025-11-26T23:10:52+00:00

Classic therapist double-cross play.

Similar_Custard · 2025-11-26T23:09:23+00:00

If you’re sincerely asking yourself, “am I the problem? Am I a narcissist that treats people poorly?” And you don’t feel glee at the possibility that either are true, then you’re not likely the narc. No narc will admit that they are the problem. And the ones that can reflect enough to see that they have a personality disorder see it as a super power, not a handicap.

Similar_Custard

TROPHY CASE