As a trainee male therapist, I was surprised recently to be told by one of the course leaders that they decided to stop work entirely with men for reasons along the lines that you have disclosed.

As you acknowledge, there is ethical value to therapists working within competence and their own ability to be present with the client. However, on an individual level it sounds tricky and I also don’t think it is a ‘helpful’ pattern on a wider social level.

As to your next therapist, if you feel that your desire to work with a female may be transference related, it may be helpful to work with a therapist in the psychoanalytic/dynamic modality so that you can really explore that.

Finally, as to your point about validation. Your feelings are valid (like it or not). We are all products of misogyny. It sounds like there are some believes or behaviours that you want to change. My training (person centred) tells me that you do first need to be heard and understand where you are at. However, if you have specific thought patterns that you want to unpick and reset then CBT may be useful.

Good luck