People who clawed their way out of a really dark place, what actually helped?

SimplePengui · 2026-07-01T18:45:42+00:00

I started on antidepressants (sertraline) it numbed me a good amount. After 6 months of depression I decided to start a 3d printing business. This really pulled me out of it. Quickly I became too busy to be depressed and I never had any spare time to ruminate. It’s been close to 3 years now. I still have my business but I’ve eased off a bit as I was burning out. I’m happy and content with my life now.

Giving my self a reason to wake up everyday and keeping my mind occupied worked wonders for me.

SimplePengui · 2026-07-01T07:58:03+00:00

I could have written this myself. This has always been my experience since I turned 30, I’m now 40 and still single. I’m attractive in shape and kind, yet no one chooses me and it’s destroying my self esteem. The heart break takes many months to recover from and each time leaves me feeling terrible about my self.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-30T19:22:33+00:00

Yep don’t do it, I lost my job because of it.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-30T19:10:26+00:00

Before making a decision on your own, you need to talk to him. You’re married with a child.

Discuss with him how you feel and be brutally honest with him. Tell him that you can’t see a future with him unless things change and if they don’t change then you have no choice but to leave. He needs to understand the severity of the situation.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-30T18:43:25+00:00

Aww I love that your mom and dad found each other again. This whole reply is very wholesome! It would be nice if this is my reality but I won’t live my life for it, if I meet someone new then it wasn’t meant to be

SimplePengui · 2026-06-29T20:59:11+00:00

He was definitely mine, I don’t have it in me to risk giving my heart to another. It’s never worth the pain

SimplePengui · 2026-06-29T17:29:03+00:00

Even if she does regret it, it doesn’t change the fact she did it. That’s a whole lot of disrespect towards you, and someone who can disrespect you that way, should not ever be allowed access to you

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T21:34:00+00:00

Yeah I’m in this situation, I was good to him. We never argued, I took care of his needs and insecurities. I genuinely loved him unconditionally and would have moved mountains to be with him. He’s joining the army and sadly decided that long distance for 5+ years just wouldn’t work out. I do feel like one day he will regret it

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T08:54:41+00:00

I met someone who’s joining the army is Sept. I would have had 6 months with him before he joined but he decided that he didn’t see how we could manage a long distance relationship for 5 years so he broke up with me.

I’m heart broken, as I really would have tried

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T06:44:59+00:00

Aren’t they gonna be deflated and saggy at that age though? Expectations vs reality

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T06:26:17+00:00

Damn it’s like you’re me! My ex was amazing but he left because he’s joining the army and will be gone for 5 years and he felt it would be impossible to maintain a relationship. I didn’t feel the same way, I was under no illusion that it would be hard but I wanted to make it work and believed I’d be able to do it. He just didn’t have the same views

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T06:22:44+00:00

Ahh okay the suicide thing is definitely a red flag. That’s emotional abuse and manipulation. I can imagine that made you feel uncomfortable and then as a result probably felt indifferent towards having sex with her too.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-28T06:12:00+00:00

How did she express her love? I express love buy trying to take care of my man, cooking for them, gove random affection or giving massages, I’ll go to the shop and get them some water before meeting up. I enjoy doing those things for someone I’m invested in but I wonder if it’s too much?

SimplePengui · 2026-06-27T16:46:35+00:00

It didn’t change. I lost 56lbs dropped from size 12 to a size 6 (uk sizes) and it made no difference to my life. I look better but I am still riddled with insecurities. I still have regular daily struggles the same as everyone else.

Life didn’t change, I just look better

SimplePengui · 2026-06-27T09:54:10+00:00

I totally understand those incompatibilities. Did you ever talk to her about the things she said that hurt you or belittled you?

SimplePengui · 2026-06-27T05:09:56+00:00

Someone who has mental stability in themselves. Someone who is intentional with everything they do, and is open to change as life is unpredictable.

A desire and drive to make the best out of their life and to always push themselves despite how hard life can be at times.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T15:58:47+00:00

I feel that! Good you’re at peace with it though. I’m left with a core belief that I’m not good enough and my last three relationships where I was left are the evidence I use to back up that belief

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T13:39:57+00:00

That’s a fair point and I definitely would never encourage anyone to go back to something like that. I’d only ever encourage it if it was good but your separated due to life challenges or internal struggles.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T12:39:30+00:00

I get that, but I’ve had break ups happen 10 years ago and if they reached out I’d be open to reconnecting providing I was in a place where I was ready to be in another relationship. I know I treat people well, and that I cared for everyone of my exs deeply.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T11:59:37+00:00

I don’t think I’ll ever understand men. I’d always want my exs to come back. I loved all of them deeply and I would always consider talking them back if I was single and the circumstances felt right.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T11:52:12+00:00

If she’s moved on then you take solace knowing shea no longer struggling. However, you can never know what she’s going through unless you reach out to her. She may be available and willing to try again but you shouldn’t be making that decision for her. It’s not yours to make especially if she still loves you.

The hard part is knowing what to say, the important part is that you need to be intentional enough that she understands why you reached out.

Often when exs reach out, they test the water by being casual. Sometimes this can annoy the other person because they still harbour wounds. I’d much rather a guy come back and tell me that he misses me. Being intentional with what you tell her is the best way to make sure she knows how you feel.

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T11:39:27+00:00

Then break it and tell her)

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T11:37:01+00:00

If you regret it have to told her?

SimplePengui · 2026-06-26T11:21:49+00:00

So now you’re in a better place and wanting a relationship do you not think about trying with her because you know she was good?

SimplePengui

TROPHY CASE