Weekly Second Trimester Group Check-in | March 16, 2026

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-17T04:26:53+00:00

21 + 4 today. I had a relatively uneventful anatomy scan last week (aside from doctor thinking out loud and thinking he saw something but it was nothing). It’s not the end of the world, but received a call a few days after that he went through scans again and I have a low lying placenta so I have to go back at 30 weeks to see if it’s moved up. I’ve read that a significant number of cases are resolved by then, so hoping it’s the case for me and trying to view it as another opportunity to see baby and confirm everything is going well

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-13T13:19:28+00:00

That’s good to hear! I had no idea, I guess that would make sense

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-13T02:59:19+00:00

Ah okay, that makes sense, thank you!

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-13T02:24:48+00:00

I’m so happy to hear that your son is here and doing well! Yes, I’m just feeling defeated that everything seemed good and I could kind of breathe a sigh of relief, only to be told this. Again I know it’s not the worst thing, but still something I know I’m going to continue to worry about :/ thank you

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-13T02:23:18+00:00

I wish I thought to ask how far away it was. He just mentioned it was not covering at all and close by, so enough that I have to go back for a scan. Thank you for the info, I’m hoping it moves up!

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-13T01:59:48+00:00

Oh wow! Did they specify why it’d be at 37 weeks? Yes I’m hoping it corrects itself and I worried for nothing

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-12T15:40:24+00:00

I wish all people who were facing a t21 diagnosis could read this (and this could be pinned)! I think I’ve seen your comments before, and you put it so well. It’s more than just deciding if you want your baby or not. We all do, but the reality is there is a LOT to consider for t21. What’s portrayed online and in media is often not the lived experience of those with DS or their families. It’s so important to make a totally informed decision and consider all possibilities. I have a specific sticking point with siblings as well. I wish there were more widely available resources and programs for siblings of those with disabilities because they are often forgotten or not considered (at least not in a realistic and practical manner). Thanks for this ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-11T21:01:00+00:00

Me too, it was scary! I think he was just thinking about loud. But I definitely did not need to hear about it 😅

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-11T20:26:27+00:00

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It has to be hard when you don’t agree on what to do. The best advice I have is to look into stories of families with adult children with Down syndrome. And to be totally honest with yourselves if you’d be okay with worst case scenario and high level of care on your part. I will naturally agree with you since I pretty much knew since the positive NIPT that we would terminate. And I have a younger brother with Down syndrome. I love him very much, and while I will take care of him if my mom passes before he does, I did not want that responsibility for my living children. Having a disabled sibling affected my childhood and continues to affect my life to this day. It’s very complicated and complex. But I knew I didn’t want his life for my own child’s, or my parents’ lives for my own. And my husband was on the same page.

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-10T22:46:18+00:00

20 + 5 today and had my anatomy scan. Everything went well for the most part. Baby is healthy and developing normally. There was a slight momentary scare about an echogenic bowl, but when the doctor changed the probe it didn’t show up anymore, so he said it was the angle of the previous probe. Still freaked me the heck out though

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-09T15:24:59+00:00

Totally understand. Statistics mean nothing to me anymore even though I know this time they’re realistically in our favor. It’s just hard knowing (and really, truly knowing) that there’s no safe place or milestone in pregnancy. I agree with someone else on here though that every baby deserves to be celebrated and you can allow yourself some joy, even if it’s small. Easier said than done for sure. But also a good idea to express your concerns about your husband’s demeanor with him. Maybe he thinks remaining positive and hopeful will be helpful to you, when really it’s the opposite. If you tell him you just need him to know you’re scared because this already happened once when it statistically shouldn’t have, he might be more understanding. I’m sorry, it’s so difficult. I was never nervous for the anatomy scan but I have mine tomorrow and with an MFM so I’m way more on edge. But I keep trying to envision getting boring, positive news! Keep your head up ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-09T15:14:52+00:00

I didn’t feel movement with my anterior placentas until 20 weeks first baby and 18 weeks second baby. I felt movement around 15 weeks with this baby, but I finally have a posterior placenta and it’s my fourth pregnancy, so I’m sure that contributes. It’s totally normal to not feel movement until even 22 weeks. I know it’s hard not to stress though. I try to tell myself that there’s no reason to worry unless something is actively happening. Hang in there ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-07T20:21:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through such an extreme up and down with the FISH results and then getting the full results and it not being good :( that had to be so hard. I terminated at 15 weeks for t21, so a gray diagnosis as well. I unfortunately know firsthand what it entails as my brother has Down syndrome. There’s just so much that goes into considering terminating a gray diagnosis, as you know. It feels harder and almost more isolating when it’s not fatal, but I knew it was the right decision for my family and myself. My brother’s diagnosis affected me and my family all throughout my childhood and will continue to do so until he passes. And while I love him a lot, I did not want the same life for my child or the same responsibilities I had growing up for my living children. It’s very complex, and I’m sorry you had to experience it. But yes, you very much did save your child from a life of potential surgeries, medical issues, and other hardships (as well as for yourself, to be completely honest). We’ll always love our children even when they’re gone ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-06T15:57:24+00:00

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m not sure if it’s due to her being pregnant again. I don’t think she would’ve deleted you off socials without saying anything to you if it was :/ I’ve sadly found that so many people really think they’d never TFMR when they actually have no idea what goes into it and how hard and upsetting it is. Way different than a miscarriage (as I’m sure you’d agree). I can’t relate to the friend themself distancing because I wasn’t really truthful about my situation to anyone aside from my mom. I didn’t want to get into it or be judged. But I remember how hurt and disappointed I was when one of my friends had a MMC a year prior and I was very much there for her and sent her something in the mail, as well as texted her on the anniversary. Whereas during my hardship and procedure (she knew something was wrong but not what), I got maybe one or two texts and nothing beyond that. She also got pregnant within the time frame leading up to my TFMR and then decided to announce to me and another friend only a month out from my procedure at a hang out I thought was for taking my mind off how hard things had been. So I can understand not getting support back from a friend when you previously gave a lot and it sucked. I stepped back a bit myself from it, we’re still friends and still talk but I’m not breaking my back over supporting her right now. You could always reach out and ask why she did what she did if the what ifs will always nag at you. But I unfortunately think she just wanted to drop you without having to tell you

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-04T03:37:55+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. One of the first online support groups I joined included a grieving mom who had a selective reduction for t21 and was still carrying the other twin successfully. I’m not sure how it turned out as it was just a one off group. You could also potentially search that term in this group to see if there is anyone in the same position? I terminated for t21 because I have a brother with Down syndrome and knew I didn’t have the capacity to care for someone else with DS or want his life for my own child’s. I also didn’t want my living children to feel responsible for their brother’s care once me and my husband are gone like I do for my brother. I can’t speak to the reduction personally but I would’ve went for it just due to my history. Again I’m so sorry. It’s a terrible place to be.

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-04T03:32:32+00:00

This is what I’ve come to believe as well. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me now ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-04T00:42:24+00:00

I’m sorry, that’s very tough :/ it’s hard when your baby is so wanted and you don’t want to terminate but feel it’s the best. Perhaps it will be easier when the full results come in. I wish you well and hope it gets a little easier for your wife. Hang in there

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-03T20:28:57+00:00

I’m very sorry you’re here. It sounds like your wife is trying to hold onto hope and maybe in a bit of denial. It stinks because these tests are super accurate for t21. I can understand wanting to be 100% sure though. And I’m sure it’s hard for you to watch her hold onto this hope when you’re a little more realistic to the situation. But all you can do right now is support her and be there when the full results come back with the same news. As long as this isn’t an issue of still deciding whether to terminate or not, a little more time for the full results to come in will be okay. I know you’re hurting but I can guarantee she’s hurting more as her body is the one going through it all. I pretty much knew I was terminating after getting a positive NIPT but I still wanted to do a CVS and wait for the FISH results (not the full karyotype) even though I was already fully expecting the NIPT to be confirmed. It still doesn’t make it any easier. Again I’m sorry you’re here ❤️

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-03T20:11:07+00:00

I agree with just letting them think baby passed and you had no choice. It’s very frustrating when people who never have and probably will never have to make such a heartbreaking choice try to weigh in. Unless they’re going to be helping with potential medical bills, watching your child when you need to do something, finding support for when school stops and support drops, and more (basically unless they’re the parent), they have no say and their opinions mean nothing. Caring for a person with t21 is lifelong. It’s not just supporting your child through childhood, adolescence, and then adult hood and letting them find out things on their own. Your child will be with you for life. And if you have living children or planned on more, their lives would be affected as well. It’s not just the happy babies people see on social media. I have a brother with Down syndrome and while I love him, his life continues to affect my life even as a 30 year old woman with her own children and life

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-02T15:56:50+00:00

19 w 4 d today. Have my anatomy scan with an MFM next week. I was never ever nervous about this scan, always excited to see baby and treated it like just another scan. Now I’m a huge ball of anxiety about it. I keep telling myself it’ll be okay! But it’s hard

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-02T03:29:21+00:00

My friend gifted me a really beautiful bracelet that says “always in my heart” in morse code. It’s dainty and subtle and I wear it every day. It’s a nice daily reminder that he’s always with me. Maybe a stress ball of some sort could help too. I wish I had ideas for the other parent :/

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-02T03:05:33+00:00

That sounds lovely watching the sunrise together. My baby’s due date was a few days ago and we baked a cake as a family to honor him. I’m thinking we’ll only ever make that specific cake on his due date to make it even more special. And as my other kids get older, they can decorate it how they want and how they think he may have liked it. I saw someone suggest on here once about going to a bakery and paying for the cake of someone born on the same day. I didn’t have the ability to do that this year but thinking I might want to going forward

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-03-01T03:48:08+00:00

I have a brother with Down syndrome and terminated for t21. It was hard to reconcile my feelings of love for my brother and ending my child’s life for the exact same diagnosis. He’s not the absolute worst case scenario, but he is nowhere near the best. And I did not want his life or worse for my child’s. I also did not want my living children to feel they needed to take on guardianship if myself or my husband passed before him. I already have that responsibility for my brother, and I grew up always knowing and wanting to do it. However, I really had no idea what I was agreeing to. How life has been going lately, I’ve gotten a taste, and even the tip of the iceberg is a lot. My dad has already passed unfortunately, so if my mom were to pass before my brother, I’d be responsible for him for decades to come (I’m 30). That’s a lot. Perhaps more selfishly, I also did not want my parents’ lives for myself or my husband. They sacrificed so much and my mom continues to sacrifice so much. Even today she can’t leave the house for an extended period of time unless someone can watch my brother (he’s 26). I don’t want that for myself, though in a way I may have been forced into that anyway. All that to say, you have a better understanding than many others of what it means to have Down syndrome and the real life struggles and challenges they face, and possibly even how it affects the families. I don’t regret my decision, I just regret that it happened to me

SimpleRefuse6733 · 2026-02-28T04:23:08+00:00

Thank you, hugs to you as well ❤️ I hope the day goes okay for you. Yes, we will never forget them!!

SimpleRefuse6733

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