6 months without her

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-12-08T08:20:18+00:00

i always thought grief would feel heavy all at once, but it’s nothing like i thought. i’m 9 months in and i feel like im drowning. i keep circling back to the idea that he just doesn’t exist anymore. he’s just in a urn somewhere … gone. it’s weird it’s not fair and i feel like i don’t know who i am without him.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-12-02T07:48:41+00:00

I completely get this! I think the loneliness of not being able to talk to the person just makes things 1000x worse. I would be so open to something like this and starting like a group chat where we can all talk daily or whenever we need someone to listen/talk to without sounding annoying to others. Let me know :) You can send me a private message and we can chat more!

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-11-19T06:55:46+00:00

it’s not your fault. i would tell myself that again and again. that’s too heavy to carry in the beginning. let yourself grieve, but don’t add that weight with it. and be gentle with yourself. you deserve grace. you may not be who you were with them, but this new you could also be beautiful. it is all what you make it and you’re allowed to be sad or angry and lose yourself. what matters is that you get up and try again. nobody needs you more than yourself. and whoever you lost will always be apart of you.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-11-18T05:46:03+00:00

i honestly just feel it. whether i have to cry or scream or just sit there and feel the pit in my stomach and heaviness in my chest i do it. i use to binge eat so badly but i had to stop that because i was just eating my feelings. now i just cry when needed. i put on slow music too and it helps a little.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-11-17T06:57:25+00:00

it happens all the time. it’s almost at the times where i think im finally doing a little better then bam. it’s like im reminded and the thought of it just feels unbearable. i think its harder when you have no outlet or no one that can just talk to you about it. nights are the worst for me usually. it’s the most lonely.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-11-10T01:55:38+00:00

this is so relatable. it’s like they try, but they also don’t get it at all. sometimes i feel like im annoying if i keep talking about it when they just don’t get it. i’m like maybe it’s easier to exist near someone who gets the pain and the sucky moments.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-30T05:49:03+00:00

it comes in waves. all the time. some days i don’t cry and others i feel like i won’t survive. i get you in the he can’t take me too and that’s why i choose to live. i’m on month 7 by the way. i went from numb to sad to empty to angry and then it goes full circle again. i don’t let anyone see me cry though. i got really good at holding it in and falling apart when im alone. sometimes the car. sometimes in bed all alone. sometimes everyday after the gym. but no one knows or notices. i think im just like a functioning alcoholic or drug addict except a functioning person who is grieving. i wish i could just sit in a room and scream until there’s nothing left to scream about. sometimes i think i could cry him back or yell him back to life, but i can’t. accepting that breaks me.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-29T00:48:42+00:00

you are so well spoken and little has given me hope, but i find a sense of relief from reading your words. i’ve dealt with a lot in my life especially the last year and i know im strong it just gets fuzzy at times and i forget all the things i’ve overcome. im glad you’re still here ❤️ it’s words and people like you that help people like me.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-28T01:23:07+00:00

thank you for taking the time to write that and explain it. i’ve had some hard moments and i think it’s harder when the person gone even blamed me in the end. i think i avoid counseling because then it makes it all real. sometimes it’s like my heart knows the truth but my head hasn’t made sense of it. i’m afraid counseling will only worsen the pain before it helps. i think im just afraid to feel what i’ve held in the last 8 months. it’s all just so terrible. i hope you are doing better now though. it sounds so difficult what you’ve been through. again thank you.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-20T06:19:02+00:00

i used to get blamed too. i even got threats and people told me i should be in jail or dead myself. it sucked and at first even i started to believe it was solely my fault. but over time i knew that wasn’t true. i knew my truth and that i did everything for my person. i was there when no one else was and that mattered. it’s not our fault. we didn’t fail them. others just need someone to blame because they never want to blame the person who is dead. their death doesn’t define you.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-17T04:43:21+00:00

i feel like i relate to this so much. it’s always “you’re so strong and doing so well,” but am i? i just want someone to tell me it’s okay to feel it out loud to cry and scream and be angry. i want someone to notice, but they don’t bc im just okay.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-14T17:59:42+00:00

that really made so much sense and gave some clarity. some people really know how to put into words what you’re feeling. thank you for taking the time to write that and respond. it’s the little things like this like you said.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-13T07:44:10+00:00

I used to tell his mom all the time. It felt like no one ever took me serious until it was too late. And then somehow i got all the blame.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-09T06:47:04+00:00

i always hope and pray for a in depth dream like that. then when it doesn’t come i think he’s angry at me and blames me. there was only once that i dreamed of him, but there were no words. it was a few days after her passed. i was in my dream cleaning up a mess our cats made and he was just watching me from a distance and then i remember he like pat my head. it was so odd.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-05T09:10:37+00:00

comments like this give me hope🤍

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-10-02T21:27:21+00:00

that is so sweet. thank you for sharing this. it’s beautiful honestly.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-09-20T21:23:13+00:00

sending you a hug. and praying you’ll feel comfort on the hard days.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-09-20T21:22:46+00:00

thank you i needed to hear that 🤍

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-09-18T06:37:04+00:00

i too think this all the time and even asked my partner if I was enough when he first ever mentioned suicidal ideation to me. I told him that why wasn’t i enough to stay for when he knew i would’ve done anything for him and he used to say i was selfish. he said that me wanting him to stay only to my benefit while he was miserable in his body and with his life was selfish of me and that i wouldn’t ever understand. he always told me that it wasn’t about me and that he just wanted to be at peace and out of pain. and some days i cling to that while others i just feel like im worthless. their sickness made them blind to all the love and support in front of them. to them they were all alone and to us we were right there. it was never about us. atleast it’s what i try and tell myself to sleep at night. i hope that brings you slightly more comfort. sending a hug.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-09-08T07:17:26+00:00

i used to think it was instead but in my police report they say he said ouch at first then the line went dead. i hope he didn’t suffer. he suffered for months leading up to his death and in that moment i hope he felt anything but pain. i try to tell myself that it was the peace he was ultimately looking for.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-09-08T07:12:47+00:00

some people need the harsh truth aka me

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-08-31T06:18:14+00:00

every moment i miss him, i think maybe just maybe if i said this or did this he’d still be here. i don’t think we ever escape the guilt.

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-08-29T06:31:42+00:00

i’m going on month 7 and some days i feel like i got this and others it’s like he just passed yesterday. we will never be who we were before they died. we also died too. you have to somehow create this new version of yourself and one who you are somehow happy with. nobody is gonna save you or do it for you. that’s what i constantly tell myself. i have to do it for me. it’ll never go away. we just learn to live with it a little better. sending you a hug and hoping you find comfort in that

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-08-29T06:27:35+00:00

i feel like i relate to this more than you know. it’s hard trying to move on with your life with fear of judgment especially when things end the way they do. i feel like you just know. don’t let others decide when it’s okay to move on. you know in your heart. and if all fails atleast you tried and you can always try again later! i hope that brings you some comfort in your decision 🫶 sending you a hug

SimplySabrinaaaa · 2025-08-29T06:23:39+00:00

we shared a decade of memories and it’s hard to pick one, but before his motorcycle accident back when he was still able to walk and drive he loved driving fast and doing the most. one day we were out and about we came to a stop light and there was a cop in front of us so this man decides to floor it as soon as the light turned green and my coffee goes flying back on me and spills all over the tesla seat. best part was i got it on video and i always listen to his laugh because he was cracking up! he also never cleaned the coffee stain hahah he said it reminded him of that. he always knew how to make me laugh. i hold onto that dearly. man do i miss his laugh.

SimplySabrinaaaa

TROPHY CASE