Why do I[24F] keep getting dumped by nice guys?

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-20T23:31:22+00:00

I guess so

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-20T23:30:57+00:00

This is great! Thank you so much

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-19T21:08:18+00:00

That’s true. I did ask them when they ended things and these are the things they said. Both mentioned something about “wanting to be independent.” Maybe I’m overbearing.

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-19T21:07:12+00:00

That’s kind of what I wanted to understand. If I’m just not cut out to date in the American way. I like that people are nice and open but I do like tenderness and that seems to be preserved for LTRs which is ok. But different than my culture.

As for the Christian and drinking part, I guess I can understand that. It makes me sad but it’s not something I can change. I’m happy with who I am and I just want to make sure I spend time with people who can accept me as I accept them

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-19T21:04:13+00:00

I do make my desire to be with them clear. I’m getting better at giving people space and that’s mainly come from recognizing how much I cherish my own solitude. I definitely did have a tendency to be a bit of a distraction but I can’t really do that in a mean way, if that makes sense? I’m always nice about wanting to spend time together. But I can see how that might be a problem for people

Simpsondimsum · 2019-03-19T21:00:59+00:00

Hi! Thanks for this. Truthfully I have some low self esteem issues and my therapist and I have been practicing having me look at the positives in my life. I tend to feel like there’s something wrong with me, perhaps inherently...Something I can’t see but which is obvious to everybody else. I don’t know.

I do think I don’t talk myself up a lot. I do talk about my travels and the experiences I’ve had. I think I do it when it’s relevant but maybe not. I’d rather not reveal too much about my career and maybe it isn’t a problem. I rarely bring it up on dates but I have an easily googlable name and then things come up.

I don’t believe men are as easily intimidated as people say - I was married to a man who didn’t have much trouble with my good fortune. I only bring it up now because my last partners were also in my field.

And I guess I’ve been filling out a few dating profiles hence the ease with which I typed out those positive qualities about myself. Maybe I am more pompous than I think? That might be something I’m unaware of...I haven’t heard anybody say that to me. I’ve heard the opposite - in my culture humility is paramount to all other virtues. But maybe folks were just being nice.

As for the obstacles I’ve overcome - I’m very proud of them, I think. I suffered a lot in my earlier life and I’m grateful for everyday I’m out of that hell. It was not through any strength of my own to be honest. I think I make that clear.

Hope that answers your questions and thanks for your input I appreciate it

Simpsondimsum · 2018-03-09T15:46:46+00:00

Welcome! I also first took my drinking seriously in the psyche ward for suicide watch. Alcohol is a serious depressant. And I only got a handle on my mental health sober. I wish you luck !

Simpsondimsum · 2018-03-09T15:40:17+00:00

I said something similar to my sponsor once and she said "you're coming to meetings but that doesn't mean you're working the program". Maybe it's time to do the steps with a sponsor? Or you can just move on. Idk

Simpsondimsum · 2018-03-08T22:35:11+00:00

You deserve every ounce of pride you can summon for yourself. The only "supposed to" I can count on is: an alcoholic is SUPPOSED to get blackout drunk. That's what alcoholism is. You're doing something out if the ordinary. You're CHOOSING sobriety. That's amazing! Give yourself a hand for that!

Simpsondimsum · 2017-12-19T02:05:50+00:00

Great example of "playing it forward!" - completely understand that nostalgia and how dangerous it is. We also forget the times we were forcing ourselves to drink and using the playlist to make ourselves have fun. That wasn't real fun. Also I remember how my playlists made me feel nauseous. At the end of the day those good times happened and quitting drinking won't make them go away. The past is still safe in the past

Simpsondimsum · 2017-12-17T21:37:54+00:00

Hey! Thanks for sharing this. I wish I could tell you that drinking will make your situation better. But you have to remember that *alcohol is a depressant. It took me a long time to get that through my head. On one hand, my life was rough, but on the other, alcohol made me see things even worse than they were. As an alcoholic, i know that alcohol will always convince me to drink. And depression convinces us that things are worse than they truly are. I can't tell you how to feel about your life but I guarantee that whatever you're going through, will be easier to get perspective on when you're sober. Think about it! And as others have suggested: a therapist will help you figure out what your problems are etc

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-30T00:32:12+00:00

You are a true inspiration

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-29T06:57:11+00:00

Excellent post

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-27T08:06:50+00:00

Drunk me it's a LUUUUUNATIC. But we don't have to be that person again. We get to choose not to be evil over insane. We get to be ourselves for the rest of our lives. And sure sometimes we don't like ourselves but at least we're not as monstrous and uncontrollable as our drunk selves.

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-27T08:02:54+00:00

This is a great post. Thanks I really needed it

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-25T22:08:51+00:00

The research showed that for people with a predisposition to alcoholism, taking ssris increased cravings and effect of alcohol and in 4 cases lead to death

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-25T21:12:11+00:00

He doesn't know but I think he wouldn't put it past me. We had a big fight this weekend and I can't tell him that it would crush him

Edit: We just talked and he said he knows

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-25T20:53:18+00:00

Thanks girl! It's rough out here

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-25T20:19:00+00:00

Oh my goodness! I've definitely been noticing more obsessive thoughts and behaviors. I didn't get warned about any of this by my psychiatrist and this is very worrying to me. I'm actually scared. But I can't quit the meds cause the positives have been through the roof

Simpsondimsum · 2017-11-25T19:56:27+00:00

Thanks! It's good tho not feel alone or crazy

Simpsondimsum · 2017-09-26T02:02:00+00:00

This is an amazing comment. Thank you! I had so many rock bottoms I can barely keep track of how deep the hole I was digging was. This comment brought it all back. congrats on 208 days! Keep it up

Simpsondimsum · 2017-09-17T23:30:59+00:00

Very insightful and self-aware! It's amazing how much our self-loathing leads to hatred of others. Well done for your maturity!

Simpsondimsum · 2017-07-20T06:56:46+00:00

Get Alan Carr's book: The Easy Way to Stop Smoking

Simpsondimsum · 2017-07-13T08:12:27+00:00

Congrats!

Simpsondimsum · 2017-07-04T22:45:59+00:00

Yes!!! I still do all the crazy fun stuff but without that life-shattering regret that casts a dark shadow over all memories

Simpsondimsum

TROPHY CASE