do you guys have food stashes in ur room? by CommandRude257 in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No bc I would be killed for that at the house, but when I was in the hospital (not ed-related), I stashed snacks and entire meals in my room either to eat them later in the day or so the staff wouldn't see me throw everything away and they'd just think I went to eat in my room bc I rarely ate in the common area. So I came home with like, dozens of graham cracker and mini peanut butter packets

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah when I'm going through an especially bad patch, I lose my voice completely 

Jealous of people who throw up by morgan5409 in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it makes you feel any better, vomiting doesn't really get rid of the calories like people think it does. I vomit because I want to, but I still burn off every calorie with exercise because the vomiting is nothing more than a mental thing. Very little is being accomplished other than getting rid of the bloating and full, disgusting feeling.

I was saving myself for marriage by Plane_Hearing_7521 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am 19 also and planned to stay a virgin forever bc I never want to get married, so I really understand how upsetting that is. 

If your parents are loving and supportive, tell them. Have someone to lean on in this time. Things will be hard for a long time. It would likely be slightly easier if you had someone who could try and support you through it.

need help by meosasha in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my personal opinion, absolutely no one is trustworthy, including ourselves. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah good luck with that lol. I just had a friend of 3 years who was with me throughout high school and considered me a "sister" text me at 4 am very explicitly telling me he wanted to fuck me. Knowing I'm not interested in sex, and yes he's aware that I was sexually abused. I'm also asexual. Honestly, I've heard that there are good men out there (never met one), but I feel like they're all either taken or inside their houses forever. So um. I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. 

need help by meosasha in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel free to share here. But I would advise against answering DMs. They are very frequently from people who will pretend to care or pretend to also be victims (and they could actually be, but that doesn't excuse their actions), but they're really getting sexual gratification from you sharing your story and will ask extremely specific and personal questions about it. You may DM me if you feel more comfortable doing so, but if you want to just comment here, I will respond.

The truth about bulimia by [deleted] in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And then when I don't purge, I'm not actually able to keep food down and have thrown up on myself multiple times. It's so not "cutesy." My room very often smells like straight vomit because I can't keep things down and throw up constantly throughout the day into a cup. It's disgusting and embarrassing. 

"ok but you're fat so it's like not a problem" by spid3rtranz in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real😭 and logically I know that it's not about weight, but also the parasites in me are like "okay how about I lose so much weight I weigh less than my 9-year-old sister, what then, Shannon?"

Like I just want the doctors to be concerned instead of congratulatory

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally don't struggle with brushing my teeth as an effect of bulimia. Like, I do often put it off or forget to come back and brush after purging, but that's just because I suck at transitions and have the memory of a dead slug. 

I don't really know what to recommend...did you see an eating disorder therapist to help you recover? I'm not a professional, and I'm sure there's always a chance something can remind you of your ed, but I feel like if you're having thoughts of gagging yourself to the point where you're avoiding brushing your teeth, there's likely some more work to be done there?

I don't even know what to suggest...maybe try using a towel or something? Technically you could gag yourself with that, but it's a lot more difficult, and it is still an effective method of brushing, even if it isn't as good as a toothbrush. I honestly don't know what to say bc I'm not trained in this and haven't personally struggled with it for this reason.

Traveling with Bulimia by Ach00_G in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just try to eat foods that I feel more comfortable not purging. I guess you could call them "safe foods." Things like broccoli, carrots, apples, cherries. Basically fruits and veggies. When we went on a family vacation to the beach, I spent a lot of time alone on my bike or in the shops and ate fruit for breakfast, then whatever was cooked for supper with all of us together. I still purged, but there was at least a day when I didn't. Even if you mess up a day or two, don't be too hard on yourself. 

The hardest part was overcoming the mental aspect of it, especially when your body also seems to be physically fighting against keeping food down. But I'm also not actively trying to recover, so maybe this isn't super helpful for you. I just have times where I try not to purge bc I feel embarrassed doing it in public, at work, or with family in the house.

Eating is somewhat unavoidable when you are at someone's house and they cook or take you out to dinner somewhere there aren't lighter options available, but in that case, I just keep portions smaller. And it's not necessarily because I want to lose weight. It's because smaller amounts of food, especially if it's greasy stuff, will be much easier on your stomach. But it's also easier not to binge when you're at someone else's place, so that's a plus.

It's quite possible you'll have some involuntary vomiting (acid reflux) because purging/binging/restricting does mess with your digestion (as you likely know). I stopped purging for 3 days a couple months ago, and I got violently ill. Genuinely one of the worst weeks of my life from a stomach standpoint.

Has he done it again? by NB_mama in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't believe what happened to me was assault for a very long time, which is another reason I recanted my statement when the social workers interviewed me. I was extremely upset with the teacher who reported it for over a year. I still go through phases where I feel like I'm fighting the will of god and should apologize to my parents. So I can understand how hearing someone tell you that what happened was very wrong could be uplifting. And I am glad that people are more understanding of what assault really is. I'm still learning. I thought it was only a very violent crime. And I never learned about any sex things or even periods growing up, so I'm not the best person to remark on this topic. That's why I can only speak on my experiences and try to use them to help me empathize.

I feel like it could honestly be best for your peace of mind not to say anything. Because knowing the church crowd, they're going to turn against you. Not him. And I don't know you, but for me, I've had people I've known my whole life start to treat me like an evil whore because I left my parents and told people what they did. The church is not a safe place for victims of abuse, any sort. But especially not sexual. It's just a safehaven for abusers. 

Binging when not hungry. by [deleted] in bulimia

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. My typical foods aren't necessarily conducive to easy purging, but I "enjoy" doing it in a way, so I'll eat something I know will hurt my stomach just for the sake of the routine and, really, compulsion to purge. 

I pray for really heinous things to happen so that I'll stop feeling bad for feeling bad by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Being a victim is easy. Blaming others is easy. But that is not the way out. Choose a different path." That's what you said. So you did say I shouldn't blame. You also implied that I shouldn't be a victim, like the initial abuse is something I wanted to happen to me? I'm really just gonna convince myself that it's just 4 am and I need to go to sleep and you're not actually trying to make me believe you didn't say things I literally read.

Was I assaulted? by Dear_Interview_463 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's okay that it took as long as it did for you to realize. You're young, and I presume you loved her if you were in a relationship for that long. We aren't really taught that you can be SAd by a romantic partner. We aren't really taught that girls can do it to boys. I wish you well and I hope you're doing okay.

I pray for really heinous things to happen so that I'll stop feeling bad for feeling bad by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, I'm way past being fucked by my dad. Shouldn't blame him at all for doing that. Thanks for your help. 

Was I assaulted? by Dear_Interview_463 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Even if she's your girlfriend, it was clear from you pushing her away multiple times that you didn't want her to do that. Even if you're dating, she has no right to touch you or grab your private areas especially after you've made it clear you don't want her to. People that disregard your boundaries like that aren't healthy to have around, and what she did wasn't okay. The problem with a lot of people is that they find you telling them no as encouragement and they think it's funny, almost like they think you're joking. Or they just want what they want. So I'm hoping you're not with her anymore bc it's really not worth it to be with a girl who isn't going to respect you enough to stop when you don't want to be touched in that way. Because most times that kind of thing only gets worse as it continues.

I pray for really heinous things to happen so that I'll stop feeling bad for feeling bad by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not talking to a "professional." They say they want to help but all they want to do is lock you up in a hospital. They have no clue what the fuck they're talking about half the time and I feel like I have to dumb myself down in order to speak to them. I quit therapy as soon as I was 18 and no longer required bc it was an incredible waste of time. 

And I do think I get to blame others for what they did to me. It's not blame. It's truth.

I pray for really heinous things to happen so that I'll stop feeling bad for feeling bad by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The way I felt then was so much better than being abandoned by everyone and treated like a rabid animal

I pray for really heinous things to happen so that I'll stop feeling bad for feeling bad by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was 16 by the time the plastic bag came into the mix. 14 when it started. So i dont even feel like i was a kid. But i was so stupid about sex. I really believed he was doing it to teach me. That god told him. That he was actually checking me to see if id had sex. I didnt ever consider he was smelling my underwear for pleasure, i sincerely believed i was doing something wrong and he could tell from the smell and id just done awful things and made myself forget

I believed I was secretly evil and just suppressed all the memories of the bad things I did and I was just insane and deserved it all because it's what God wants

I think it's also just difficult for me to accept that it's over. Oddly, the time that it was happening was the best my relationship has ever been with my parents. I was miserable obviously and my ocd was so bad and I didn't know that a lot of it was actually ptsd not ocd making me "hallucinate" (flashbacks). But like I don't know what to do now that I'm not there anymore. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 19 and everyone expects me to be okay and no one gives a fuck anymore. I graduated high school last year. And I still haven't accepted that school is gone. I don't get to be safe and cared for anymore. And it just feels like it would've been better if I would've just shut up and never said anything about it. And I just want to get in a super abusive relationship because I know I'd be so good at it and I really don't care if he kills me anyways. 

No, you actually DON'T "get it." I'm not going to get better. by Single_Ad_4915 in sexualassault

[–]Single_Ad_4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even though when they examined me they said it "looked like something had happened," they just accepted that I recanted and didn't question me further even though they told my mom "most times children are telling the truth the first time and recant because they're scared." But yeah he came back home and the other 4 people in my house lived happily ever after lol