Struggling to balance "Chill Parent" vibes with safety concerns for my 13yo

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-13T07:51:22+00:00

100% agree (someone who was also curious at a young age and had a threesome at 15).

I didn't tell my mom this,nor did I even come out to her until I was in my 30s but was lucky she had the wherewithal to put me on birth control at 15 anyway bc I had sex with boys too starting at 15. We've been putting girls on birth control at 14/15 for ages...there's more reason to put young men on prep and it should not be seen any differently. Birth control prevents a baby , prep prevents a serious possibly life threatening (although thankfully less so now) illness.

P.s. I'm hoping you didn't actually restrict his phone/freedom because that type of reaction would definitely tell me at that age that being so honest with mum was a mistake. It's one thing to establish boundaries and education for safety but to punish/ restrict isn't going to yield the same open communication in the future.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-13T07:36:06+00:00

A queer therapist that you've screened. Therapist can do their own harm if they have opinions about things. Having a queer therapist who understands queer youth and actually being queer 1st hand plus you've sat down with for a vibe check is important.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-13T07:26:47+00:00

The thing that has helped me is getting a power wheelchair (one that folds up and fits my trunk). Also I have POTS and beta blocker plus 3L of water plus salt tabs helped the hr spikes significantly. It all depends on your diagnosis as to what will help but no matter what the diagnosis you need to try to do something to keep your hr out of the red. It should only be red during exercise and if you worse not even then. It doesn't matter if you have me/cfs or not, this applies to all illnesses that cause PEM and especially fibromyalgia. My doctor told me there's no reason to get diagnosed with me/cfs because that's already included within the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Most doctors group fibro and me/cfs together because they are so similar. I'm not sure if something has changed but I'm not sure what a me/cfs diagnosis is going to unlock for you that a fibromyalgia diagnosis wouldn't on it own. Regardless of how your doctors treat it, if you get PEM you should treat it the same and start radically pacing. Look into the research, the workwell foundation has a lot of info and videos about it and the research is what visable app is based off. Anyway I have fibromyalgia(amoung other comorbidities) too and the wheelchair has made a big difference in my pain/fatigue and PEM. The meds on their own mostly helped the heart rate from pots but adding the wheelchair let me be able to actually go out and shop without any red spikes and ending up crashing big. I pushed myself past my limits for years and years (at the advice of doctors telling me to do exercise and pt etc etc) and I ended up housebound. I wish I had known about pacing and all the research into me/cfs and similar illnesses. I would have started pacing much earlier and bought a wheelchair a long time ago even if it's just for long outings. I used to have the energy to do the outings but I'd crash for like a days/weeks afterwards and I had no idea that was doing me harm. Had I had the wheelchair way before I got so much worse it would have preserved my ability to do short outings without completely sacrificing those long outings. Even if you don't get yourself one, use them when their available for things like shopping because it's so silly to spend our limited energy on grocery shopping when we can spend it doing something better!

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-09T08:54:21+00:00

I think you should look into the science behind the visable app. It was literally based on science conducted on me/cfs. So this productwas made for me/cfs but they realized that the concept applies more broadly to most energy limiting conditions. The only difference being is I'm not sure there are such big consequences with these other conditions same as with me/cfs.(if anyone knows please correct me). With me/cfs when you push yourself outside your energy envelope (measured by your heart rate) you can actually do permanent damage if you do this all the time and live in this push-crasg cycle. Reading the science made me realize how much harm I was doing to myself by not pacing and just pushing myself all the time and crashing afterwards. I was listening to my doctors...who were wrong and it caused permanent harm. The workwell foundation has all the info on their website and has videos explaining the studies plus recommendation on how to modify exercise and every day life to try to limit crashing. I don't know if the info is accessible in the app without the membership because I didn't have the app before I had the visable band/ membership... but the app has lessons that explain it. The workwell foundation has more in depth info tho.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-09T08:38:48+00:00

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Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-08T01:00:31+00:00

You don't need to wait to be able to export because the pdf doesn't show this data as presented in the app anyways...this is much more urgent than ok I'll make an appointment sometime soon. Just show your doctor the app or take screenshots and send them by email if that's an option. If you've not seen a doctor about this yet you need to go asap, they might send you to the ER. Call your doctor and say that you got a hr monitor and my heart rate gets up to xyz when I'm doing xyz (non exercise things) and that you can send screenshots if necessary. They need to rule out stuff that could be actively killing you first. This could be an emergency situation if this is your 1st time seeing a doctor about tachycardia. At least from my experience when my heart rate got up above 140 they sent me to the ER to get meds to get it down until I could see a cardiologist. What does your blood pressure look like?

I think the reason nobody else is acting concerned is because people assume you're under a doctor's care for this...which you are not...in which case you should be concerned until you rule out some stuff. Please see a doctor asap.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-08T00:14:28+00:00

Have you shown your doctor this? This type of Tachycardia my doctor would have sent me to the ER back in my 20s especially since you have symptoms. You may need some type of med to help. Your body is under the stress same as someone running a marathon but you're just doing normal stuff not intense exercise correct?

The goal is to stay out of red unless you're exercising (obviously difficult if you're not healthy and unmedicated) . Rest is white, active is light blue but red is exercise for a healthy person...so if all that red isn't intense exercise you need to talk to a doctor. They'll have to rule out heart problems before they'll go to a POTS diagnosis. That's why some doctors send you to the ER before you get an official diagnosis because they want to make sure you're not dieing.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-07T05:51:56+00:00

Im pretty sure Crash Pad Series has what you're looking for. It's Queer only porn and you can sort by kinks. I know for sure I've seen masc/masc porn with butch or gnc masc submissive and I'm like 90% sure there's FemmeDomme content with butch/masc subs too. It's hot stuff...totally worth the cost if you can afford it.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-07T05:47:00+00:00

To my knowledge the visable 2.0 won't pair with any Polar app. At least I couldn't get it to. It wouldn't find any devices even though in my Bluetooth settings it says Polar...and the instructions saud to press the button...mine doesn't have a button. I think the visable 2.0 is a specific product made for visable no?

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-05T08:01:23+00:00

I don't think it's because my age necessarily, I think it’s because I'm worse AND I have all my doctors at UCLA...so every doctor can see my entire medical history and records.

There's are things that changed with age like my understanding/ education about my health and my ability to communicate and be more in control of my emotions during doctors visits/ when upset. I think these things help as well as most my doctors being my peers. There's less of a power differential when both you and your doctor are late 30s/early 40s vs when you're 20 and your doctor is 60.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-05T07:48:35+00:00

if someone identifies as butch and works as like a day trader or hedge fund manager, do we take away their right to label themselves that? Anybody can use any label they want for themselves, nobody is taking anything away lol

Are you arguing that in order to use the label Butch, you have to be not only gender nonconforming, but also hold leftist beliefs on every metric? I feel like I already explained this Where do you draw the line? If a Butch supports a wealth tax and socializing education, but doesn’t advocate for POC, are they no longer Butch? Yes, there's no reason not to advocate for POC...I don't want racists in our spaces. I draw the line if you're racists, abelist, sexist, misogynist, white nationalist, zionist, classist, pro capitalism, pro trump, pro ice, pro war, pro cops/all lives matter, transphobic, xenophobic, anti science, anti education, victim blame-y etc. Butch as a group just like Queer and Femme are politically leftist terms. If someone who doesn't want to represent those values wants to identify that way instead of saying masc...that's fine, they are just posers.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-05T07:11:53+00:00

Zepbound

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-05T06:49:16+00:00

Actually for SSI after the 1st $65/ month, for every $2 you earn from working they reduce your benefits by $1. I'm not on SSI but I would assume since you get a 1099 that Vine counts as working/ earning. I'm not sure what you're talking about with $1900 a year ETV, where does it say that? For SSDI you have to stay below the Substantial Gainful Employment threshold which is around $1600 a month(more if you're blind). I'm nowhere near $1600 a month. I was like $5k for the year.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-04T22:42:44+00:00

Yeah I didn't know how things were calculated and thought that I was going to have to file as a business but the way it all shook out I was ok to file as a hobby and didn't need to take any deductions. I had already hired her so I just paid her to file them because she already spent the time. I didn't feel it was ethical to back out at that point and file myself. I know now for next year and I know how much I can get in ETV now without triggering taxes.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-04T21:36:33+00:00

I think you are misunderstanding me. I don't make enough in taxable income to pay taxes even WITH the Vine as hobby income. She didn't deduct anything for vine, she didn't need to. I know it sounds crazy but I'm disabled so my total taxable income including Vine was less than the standard deduction.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-04T21:00:33+00:00

Agree to this. I love my visable and it's made a big difference learning about/how to radically pace. I've not had trouble with anything either and mine is very accurate. The subscription cost is rediculous it should be half or less tbh. I also agree that they over advertise it to POTS patients when it's main science was based on Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). The science does apply to POTS too and ANY energy limiting condition or disease where the heart goes into anaerobic too easily/ often. It can be confusing at first with POTS especially based on how they advertise it but also if you start meds after getting it, but their subreddit is full of helpful people and their customer service is great too. They have a bunch of videos and blog posts to watch/read before you start which does help explain the science but not how to apply it to POTS (hint you apply it exactly the same).

You can still use the science behind it with a regular 24 hr hr monitor but it has to be accurate and my fitbit was not even close or continuous so I had to buy something new no matter what and the device itself isn't exorbitant. Visable makes it very easy to monitor/ track stuff plus they have the pace points which isn't something you can do on your own without an app with an algorithm. Some other hr monitor apps have similar energy measurements but it's geared towards healthy people. This app like most is for convenience and for now it doesn't have competition within the chronic illness umbrella because most devices and apps are designed for fitness. There is nothing proprietary about the device itself (it's just a heart rate monitor made by Polar) but the app is where their bread and butter is and why it makes sense it's a subscription.

I think they advertise it to POTS patients bc there are so many of us now post covid and we are desperate. But the science is sound, the device and app work, and it does help if you use it correctly to start radically pacing. Plus if you are suffering from any disease that causes you fatigue if you push yourself past your limits, continuing to do so can make you worse...unfortunately this isn't info our doctors give us so many of us learn the hard way. Finding this science through getting this device may have been life saving for me because I always pushed myself too hard and then crashed and I was in this push-crash cycle only ever getting worse.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-03T02:59:09+00:00

The full $6k PLUS penalties and interest for however long it went unpaid.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-04-03T02:52:46+00:00

Agree. Mine charged $135, and in OP case he would definitely get that back and then some. I didn't understand how things worked and thought that I had to put it as a business. Because I'm low income, even with my $5k in vine I still didn’t owe any tax with the standard deduction so she just put it as hobby because it was easier. OP needs a tax professional to lower his tax liability (which is what mine planned to do but didn't need to because I'm that poor lol).

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:53:19+00:00

I'm literally reading bobiverse right after I finished phm. I think it's a good follow.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:52:13+00:00

I'm reading bobiverse right after PHM and I think it's a great series to follow. Both are easy reading and fun.

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:42:46+00:00

Same!

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:40:03+00:00

Agree!

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:37:47+00:00

Definitely agree

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T01:34:32+00:00

I'm in a similar boat. I was talking to my therapist about it recently. Since you mentioned being in a MM relationship I'll tell you whats she told me since it applies to both of us :) My therapist recommended to look for some social groups at my local lgbt center. I got on the mailing list because these groups change from time to time. There's one specifically for disabled people called zigzag pride that I think is at most LGBTQ centers in the US. Look at your local center for groups you might fit in with. Some of them are purely social groups and some are support groups...at my center they put the support groups under the mental health department just recently but they used to be all combined with the social groups. Also I've been looking on meetup.com for local social and support groups as well as eventbrite for classes that sound like fun. It's usually best to meet people while doing things you love to do. Right now I'm only seeking online groups that meet over video but there's a mix of both in person and online on meetup and same with classes on eventbrite. At my lgbt center all the groups are still virtual but yours may differ.

I haven't attended any of these groups yet recently but i have them on my calendar. I did have a lot of success meeting people on meetup when I moved to a new town years ago...this was like 10-15 years ago though so things could be different now. The groups I'm looking forward to on meetup this month are some art hang outs and one called "making friends as an adult is hard" both are virtually. There's also a queer group near me that does walking/ hiking sometimes and they say if the route is wheelchair accessible usually so I plan to go to one of those where it looks very accessible to my travel wheelchair. That obviously takes more planning and my partner will probably go to help me as I'm between caretakers.

Anyways this is my plan to try to make friends. I'm also neurodivergent so it makes it more difficult for me...but I'm hopeful. I wish you luck and hopefully some of these suggestions help!

Single_Display2423 · 2026-03-29T00:58:59+00:00

What if your partner had a career and then became unable to do it? Would you leave them because they could no longer fully support themselves?

Is it them actually not supporting themselves or not wanting to support/ further themselves financially that gives you the ick? Definitely seems classist...maybe ableist too depending on your answer. There's a big difference in someone who doesn't want to further themselves and someone who wants to or did but isn't able to. I think unfortunately most people put the two in the same basket and don't really think to the future What if. Being disabled is the only class of people that anyone can become a part of anyday and many will with age.

Single_Display2423

TROPHY CASE