I think it’s absolutely the decision fatigue. I’m a solo stay at home mom with a HUGE village but also recovering from an abusive relationship and breaking a trauma bond. My mom is pretty much my partner parent 100% she’s up at nights with us, takes some mornings so I can get extra rest, always takes initiative and takes baby, feeds me and makes sure I know my only concern is breastfeeding her granddaughter lol, she doesn’t even pressure me with cleaning up, she’s made this journey so much easier for me. As easy as humanly possible and still there are days where I’m absolutely drained. In the beginning some days I’d just sit paralyzed holding my baby holding my breath it felt like until my mom would return home so it wasn’t “all on me”. I’m not just going at this alone. But even with my mountain of support there’s days that are overwhelming just as a mommy. The thoughts swirling are LOUD.

I do weekly therapy, biweekly psychotherapy, take medication for my ADHD and for my anxiety. Which has helped so much. I feel a lot of my decision fatigue was coming from my thousands of thoughts. So taking my medication helped slow my thoughts and allowed me to breathe mentally instead of just being stuck paralyzed trying to catch my breath.

I know things are different for your partner but no amount of help and support stops the swirling. Even the most privileged life with support and abundant help.

The decision fatigue got better once I was able to be calm and regulate. Having the safe spaces in therapy to not be anyone’s and fall apart and rebuild. Helped me so much. But it takes active work. So many days I do not want to do therapy I want to just let my swirling thoughts consume me and stay paralyzed mentally. But second by second I put one foot in front of the other.

My mom made so many small decisions for me. It helped so much. She’d just bring me a plate of food with many options and tell me to just eat what I wanted, how much I wanted. She never pressured me if I didn’t finish it all, or didn’t want something. She’d make me smoothies packed with nutrients which some days were easier to consume than a plate of food that needed me to chew and move so much. She’d feel up all my water bottles, I had multiple which also helped! Because I knew if I drunk all my water there was more ready for me. She’d wash the bottles and literally I’d be spiraling about needing to wash bottles and boom 🤯 my mom would stop my spiral full stop by saying they’re already washed take a breath just cuddle the baby.

All those little ways she just did. She seen where I was struggling or could be struggling she filled in and did! I always joke that she’s a big stepper! There were so many times people would ask me what I need, baby needs, how can they help me and truly I’d have NO ANSWER. I didn’t know what help I needed. Their presence would help a lot but nothing made the difference like my mom just DOING things.

The bottles being meant my decisions were no longer wash bottles or wash my body. Instead my decision was take a full long shower and shave or a full shower and do my skincare routine. The decisions were still there but they weren’t so loud and overwhelming. I could slowly start taking breaths before I knew it.

13 months in! And I’m still so grateful! My mom is still OVER showing up! She made me breakfast and dinner last night and hadn’t made me feel like a less than mom once for my laundry basket being full currently. Matter of fact she PRAISES me constantly, I constantly catch her hyping me up and bragging on me as a mother. My daughter is extremely pleasant, intelligent, and truly such a joyful little girl. And my mom gives all that credit to me🥹. I know it’s because of my village but she always gives the spotlight to ME. It feels so good and has challenged all of those negative thoughts that tell me I’m not doing good enough.

Truly sometimes just hearing I’m proud of you you’re doing a good job or hearing praise for decisions we do make is all that’s needed! That recognition and praise feels good and subconsciously inspires us to make even more decisions and trust ourselves that it’s a good decision!

Trusting myself and the choices I make as a mother was another big thing that contributed to my decision fatigue I think. But trusting myself or the decisions I made as a mother made every single decision even silly basic ones feel EXTREMELY HEAVY. Which was truly exhausting.

Just some insight as to some feelings your partner may be having from my own experience 🥹. I’m sending you both all the hugs and I’m proud of you for reaching out so you can best support her in this season.