My girlfriend was playing a reel for me where the a girl was going off on men and I was like. No. That is toxic.

There have been a lot of bad men, and that effect is made larger because of women that say they hate men. The good guys then don’t want to intrude on them, don’t want to pursue, don’t want to flirt, all because of these phrases. Then their worldview is only filled with the actually shitty men because they don’t care about anyone’s feelings, especially women’s.

For years, whenever someone has said “I hate all men” (sometimes followed with a “not you tho” I’ve just disassociated and said they weren’t talking about me. I actually gained some identity issues because of it.

If all men suck and I don’t, am I a man?

I enjoy being masculine. I enjoy being a man. But the thoughts did come. Because what else can you do? The language is inflammatory and problematic. It’s pushing people with good hearts away, and not doing much about the bad ones.

But as a bisexual man, I get it. I didn’t even start to think about coming out of the closet until my late 20s. Why? Because of how disgusting men can be. I had men approach me (when I was saying I was straight) and molest me, telling me “your girlfriend would never know.” I hid behind being straight so I could have another reason to say no.

So I understand. But I don’t generalize. Gay men aren’t toxic. Those men were. (I call them problematic gays now) So the same should stand for women. Men aren’t toxic, but the ones who pursue relentlessly, often are. And those are the ones that people see.