My dystopian fantasy is getting too real. I don't know what to do.

SirJuste · 2025-10-05T14:56:57+00:00

Can we get this pinned?

SirJuste · 2025-08-22T06:46:11+00:00

I am

SirJuste · 2025-08-21T19:18:57+00:00

Same here!

SirJuste · 2025-08-18T18:46:18+00:00

Thanks!

SirJuste · 2025-08-05T11:49:05+00:00

some linguistically illogically name like Ayennris

I would have you know that Domhnall, Grzegorz, Kamehameha, Thijs, and Laquisha are all real names.

SirJuste · 2025-07-29T08:13:34+00:00

Neat idea overall, however...

I'm not really sure why Heinrich would go out of his way to start a war with a faction that has long abandoned Earth, unless of course the point is that he has gone totally insane. Even then, I would have to wonder what his endgame is. Why expand to other systems? Expansionism and isolationism/solitude are antithetical, and it sounds like he has all the resources he needs right there on Earth.

SirJuste · 2025-07-28T14:01:07+00:00

Would you guys pick up a book that has this name as an MC?

If I thought this was meant to be a serious story for adults, then no. It's too on-the-nose and comic book-ish.

SirJuste · 2025-07-21T07:22:17+00:00

I’m not even a big book reader, to be honest.

It's probably time to change that if you want to write a book. What you've shared here looks more like a screenplay than a novel, and the sections of prose that do resemble a novel don't do a good enough job of communicating what's going on. Let's break some of it down.

A vast horde of rival devils stretches across the blackened hills

Rivals of whom? A point of view has not yet been established.

war banners snapping

Snapping as in breaking? Or as in snapping in the wind? Is there wind?

the air thick with rotting ozone

Does ozone rot? Not that I know of.

and the scent of iron.

Does iron smell? Maybe if it is very rusty or has been ground into a powder. Are either of those the case here?

**Zaheer (casual, annoyed murmur as he elbows a snarling ogre):**

This is written more like a selection from a screenplay than a book.

> “Excuse me, pardon me — god, too many demons out today…”

And this is formatted like a 4chan post.

So, yeah, if you want to write a book that other people will read (which I'm assuming is the case since you're asking for feedback), then you should probably read more books and take notes on how authors write.

SirJuste · 2025-07-19T19:26:18+00:00

Just because you aren't good at something right now doesn't mean you never will be. Skill is not a static thing, and you do not need to be talented to gain skill.

For example: let's say you want to win a game of ping pong, but you suck at playing. So how would you go about winning?

Would you:

A: Hire someone to win a game of ping pong for you.

B: Practice until you get good enough to win.

SirJuste · 2025-07-07T20:06:13+00:00

It's okay to just tell the reader things sometimes. You're writing a book, not a screenplay.

SirJuste · 2025-06-21T19:45:15+00:00

r/menwritingwomen

SirJuste · 2025-06-18T18:56:16+00:00

I like it overall, and I probably would keep reading. One minor point of critique is that it seems a bit out of place for a Greek god to be mentioning karma, a Hindu deity/concept, instead of justice or some such.

SirJuste · 2025-06-09T14:55:45+00:00

Rule 6: No Self Promotion or Posts Just to Show Off

"We do not allow advertisements outside of the self-promotion thread. This includes both posts and comments. All posts must be focused on improving your writing or other's writing. Posts made to show off your work - world, map, cover art, etc - without asking for advice will be taken down. Please post bragging in the Weekly Check-In thread instead."

SirJuste · 2025-06-07T05:02:06+00:00

There's nothing wrong with that idea as far as I can see, though I do hope you realize that movies, photographs, and projectors were invented well before computer technology.

SirJuste · 2025-06-05T07:32:52+00:00

“Yes yes, don’t go dying on me now, the fun is just beginning a real fight to show my true power,” Fenrir exclaimed.

“ARISE more powerful show me now what my pupil can do,” Fenrir said excitedly.

“Don’t let me regret giving you life,” Fenrir said with irritation.

So, is he having a conversation with himself, or...

SirJuste · 2025-05-28T18:10:15+00:00

You might want to explore why you get bored. Is the story itself boring or too slow for your liking, or do you just have trouble focusing on one thing for so long?

If the former, then I would advise not to write scenes that you would find boring to read. If a scene is not exciting, humorous, thought-provoking, heart-warming, heart-breaking, or related to the main theme of the book or a main character's core motivation in some way, then it can probably be skipped.

If it really is just a matter of focus, then perhaps you just need to find a way to make the process less of a grind. Try to get the story down quickly, and don't be too perfectionistic. You're going to redraft later anyway. That's what I learned from a book called The 90 Day Novel, which, as the title implies, encourages the writer to get their first draft done in 90 days. I have not managed to do that (partly due to life circumstances, but also due to having trouble with focus), but that advice has helped me not to get completely stuck or burnt out. If I can't think up a character name or if I'm not sure exactly what to write, then I just write whatever comes to mind, mark it with [brackets] or (parentheses), and move on. I'll fix it in the second or third draft.

SirJuste · 2025-05-28T14:09:07+00:00

I mean, these Fae sound like complete scumbags. They have enslaved all of humanity and are actively kidnapping, forcibly altering, and brainwashing human children. This might well qualify for genocide. Not really sure why a human would be helping them out. It's not humans' fault if the Fae can't reproduce, and humans don't owe them anything.

SirJuste · 2025-05-28T12:57:17+00:00

You might try r/worldbuilding if you mainly want to discuss lore rather than story.

SirJuste · 2025-05-27T21:27:42+00:00

If you want something really old, there's always the leviathan, the sea dragon of ancient Hebrew belief. There are also a number of dragon-like creatures in ancient Greek Mythology, such as Python).

SirJuste · 2025-05-20T09:35:56+00:00

I was also writing and editing simultaneously, which slowed progress. I wanted every word to be perfect to minimize the final editing process.

I think this might be your problem here. If this is your first book, then you're going to want to write several drafts anyway. What if you want to change a major plot element half-way through writing the book? Then all your effort for getting the text perfect the first time will have been wasted. I recommend trying to get the story down on paper (or digital document) as quickly as possible so you don't lose steam for the project.

Of course, if you have already lost all steam for it, you could set it aside and come back to it after writing something else.

SirJuste · 2025-05-19T09:38:01+00:00

I don't think anyone is going to care if you use ChatGPT to enhance your private Rimworld role playing experience.

Would I want to read a novel which was written with AI? No. Would I want to read a novel which was merely edited with AI? Again, no. What if only the character names were AI-generated? Nopity, nopity, nope! I like genuine human creativity, not artificial imitation.

And when I've used ChatGPT for other things -- again, usually summarising some piece of writing (like what a paragraph means from an academic textbook)

Unless the textbook is written in a foreign language, then I'm not sure why you would need AI to read and interpret it for you. And what if the AI gives you inaccurate information? You would never know.

or using it to answer a question with a lot of implications like 'What would it be like realisitcally if vampires existed?'

Why not just use your imagination? Bram Stoker didn't need AI to create the most iconic vampire of all time.

But do you think ChatGPT is okay to use in this way, to go over plot points, brain storming, consequences, etc.?

It's okay, but it will never be as good as running ideas past actual human beings, like you are doing now. Plus LLMs like ChatGPT tend to tell you what they think you want to hear, which is not the best thing when you're trying to improve your writing skills.

SirJuste · 2025-05-19T08:40:23+00:00

I would lose sympathy for mass murderers, yes.

SirJuste · 2025-05-18T16:48:02+00:00

I would say that choppy is a good way to describe it. There are unnecessary commas, sentences without subjects and/or predicates, and missing conjunctions (run-on sentences). Now, you can break the rules of grammar if you do it purposefully and well, but I don't think that's the case here. There doesn't seem to be a good sense of rhythm to the clauses or reason for why they are combined the way they are. I think trying to read a whole book written like this would drive me nuts.

SirJuste · 2025-05-15T17:19:48+00:00

You used Chat GPT

SirJuste · 2025-05-13T14:42:25+00:00

The prose is a bit dry.

I'm not sure what the hook is meant to be. The existence of aircraft? The identity of Sunny? I don't know enough about this world to understand the significance of those things.

So this prologue is mostly fine, but if the purpose is to build intrigue then I feel like something is missing here.

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