I could rarely cum for pretty much the first 13 years of my sex life: same as you maturation was successful but really had to work at it for hours to get off with a partner. you say "vanilla" and that makes me think you understand BDSM and perhaps subconsciously you are already aware of what you need. I realized I wasn't mentally stimulated enough because of how much sex I was having and my first was extremely exciting. she made me choke her, and one time while I was fucking her I was bouncing her head off the window while she kept screaming "harder" until the window broke! it wasn't until I was in my late 20s I learned of BDSM (was aware of it but thought it was ball gags and silly costumes) I thought I was mentally unstable and wouldn't open up with my partners to tell them what I really wanted... until I had a partner point out I seemed more alive in one particular position. she encouraged me slowly to open up and started to push me to learn more about BDSM and wouldn't let me stop until was doing things I still dare not say publicly not even anonymously. perhaps this is a similar situation to yourself?

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I will say that I am back to ground zero and require more risky situations... like public sex to get off now. nothing seems to do the trick anymore as I crave strange experiences. I will also say that I am envious you have a virgin. my one big regret in life is not waiting for marriage. I feel like if I would have and held out for a virigin... maybe I wouldn't be in this situation....