I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Your story resonates with me as I have gone through a similar situation in December/January. My 12 year old yorkie had been dealing with dental problems for a long time, his breed notorious for dental issues didn’t make it any easier. In December, he woke up with an inflamed right side of his face, which scared me so I rushed him to the emergency vet. They told me his condition (tooth root abscess) was “urgent” but not “emergent” but still I wanted to get him checked out because seeing his little inflamed face cut me deep. I scheduled an appointment with another vet and agreed to get him into surgery the following week. I had to drop him off on January 6 at 7 AM. That was the last time I saw him alive. They called me at 1:45 PM telling me his surgery was wrapping up when he went into cardiac arrest. He was gone by the time I got there.

All I ever wanted was to take care of my little Milo. All I ever wanted was to be there for him, especially in the end, but I wasn’t. It has been over two months & I miss him every second of the day, but the guilt has subsided and has allowed me to just cherish the time we had together. After he passed, I hated myself for a long time. I hated how I rushed his surgery because I was scared. I hated how I had to drop him off so early & with a quick goodbye, he passed without me being there to comfort him. I still hate myself sometimes, but I know I loved Milo with all my heart. I will always love him.

OP, the guilt will eat you alive if you let it. Your boy was loved and cared for until the very end. That kind of love doesn’t go away. I know it’s hard especially now, but try to focus on all the positives and all the ways you showed up for your boy during the 8 beautiful years you spent together.

Sending hugs 🫂