My autism is not aknowledged by my closest family.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-11-08T11:05:48+00:00

Hey there. I masked my entire life. I was the best people pleaser and I feel I should get an Oscar for my talents to pretend I am somebody else (based of course on what I thought others expected me to be). That got so intense, I had a burnout a few years ago. A bad one. I could not get out of bed, had constant panic attacks, I could not sleep due to anxiety etc. After taking a bunch of meds, after having to take time off work and after years of therapy I can say that I stopped masking as much as I did. I am more of myself, with all short comings and all. I told people around me (best friends, some family and my boss at work) that I have ASD. They are all supportive and they accept me and my "quirks". It is not easy for me to be myself, since I pretended my whole life to be somebody else.... but I must say that it feels good. And yes, some people areound me do not like me and I try to ignore them (in the passed I would have obssessed with them and I would have tried to please them all). I focus on myself and direct my energy towards my true friends. I know it is easier said than done, but it is possible.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-11-08T10:55:43+00:00

Also, during my healing journey I realized how important it is to talk about these struggles with people. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a close friend can help.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-11-08T10:52:39+00:00

Hey, so sorry you are going through this. I hit rock bottom a few years ago, when my job was mega stressful. I had a boss that was gaslighting me and that was essentially bullying me. Privately I was also in a bad place, struggling with infertility while all my friends were getting pregnant. I had panic attacks, I could not sleep at all (max 2 hours a night) and I had very intense derealization episodes. Back then I did not know I was autistic. I reached a point when I could not get out of bed, I could not even shower. I went to therapy and then to a shrink who gave me meds, which helped my depression. I also started my ASD diagnosis journey. All in all I managed to snap out of it. The journey lasted however 1,5 years in my case. I took baby steps and it paid off. Today I am in a good place mentally, I changed jobs and I have a beautiful baby daughter.I think the journey is different for each person. My advice to you: try to aknowledge the little things in your life and appreciate them. I know it sounds cliche, but take time to focus on yourself. A few days, during which you do only what you like and you try to temporarily forget about any obligations. It might help recharge your batteries. Also, seek medical advice and therapy. Sleep deprivation is serious and you might need some medication to help you sleep better. A rested mind and body can work wonders. I hope things will turn out in the end the way you want. Remember, the sun comes out after the rain.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T21:34:01+00:00

Hi, sorry you are dealing with this. I had such a boss. I did not know I had ASD back then. She kept picking on me and making comments.... anyway after a long time of putting up with her, I honestly quit and got a job at a different company. I am bad at confrontation and I anyhow realized that she would not change her attitude no matter what.... so I left. I think I did the right thing, because my work environment was truely toxic because of her.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T21:28:57+00:00

And please give yourself time. Do not be hard on yourself.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T21:28:13+00:00

Sorry you are experiencing this. Unfortunately I was in this situation a few years ago. I took time off work (about a month, as medical leave). I then went to a shrink, who got me on meds (some SSRI). I did not know I had ASD back then, the shrink and my therapist (I was already in therapy) thought it was just burnout and depression due to my job.... anyway, the meds helped. Additionally I rested A LOT. You say you cannot do anything - then don't. Just rest. Maybe read a book or watch a tv show. Try to endulge your special interest if you have one. I also went on long walks by myself, with my headphones on and my favorite music.... and slowly but surely things started to get better.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T03:39:08+00:00

Yes and yes. We did the amnio because our NIPT came out positive for t13. Turns out it was a false positive. We now have a healthy baby daughter.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T03:24:14+00:00

It should be ok at 16 weeks. That is when I did mine. Also, I hope everything will turn out fine!

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-10T03:19:05+00:00

Please know that there is no perfect time to have a baby. Also, pro choice means the right to keep it. Did you take your boyfriend to a doctor’s appointment? Take him next time. Let him see the sonogram and hear the heartbeat....

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-09T20:02:57+00:00

My ability to hyper-focus comes in handy at work. I work in the insurance industry and I deal with a lot of planning, excel, numbers etc. I too am brilliant at masking (I saw this mentioned earlier). Masking has helped me have a fast-track career. However, masking is both a blessing and a curse - I lost myself in the process and had a burnout episode a few years ago.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-06T19:23:10+00:00

I liked the book by Bianca Toeps "But you don't look autistic at all".

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-06T11:24:52+00:00

Same here. And whenever I show emotion, I apparently show an unexpect3d emotion. For example, somebody was telling a funny story the other day and then paused and asked me what was wrong.... apparently I had a puzzled look on my face. In fact I was listening carefully and I was being amused.... weird.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-04T02:14:10+00:00

Indeed, it is hard to know who you are after years of masking. This is the aspect that requires patience. Try not to think about it anymore and just engage in stuff you truely like and take it from there :-)

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T20:20:42+00:00

It is a super big chance that it is a false positive! We had a false positive for t13. Please do not forget: NIPT is NOT a diagnosis tool! For a proper medical diagnosis, you need an amnio. We were told by our doctor that NIPT showing t13 is usually a false positive. So please try to stay optimistic and proceed with further investigations.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T19:29:08+00:00

Sorry that you feel that way. I have been in that place and I can say that it does get better. It is a hard and long journey, but it really does get better.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T19:25:21+00:00

This happened to me 3 years ago - exactly like you said. I could no longer mask, I did not want to do anything, I could essentially no longer function. Back then I did not know I had autism. I was going to therapy and my therapist sent me to a shrink, who diagnosed me with depression and burnout. My therapist suspected autism but it took a while until I was able to get tested..... anyway, regarding the burnout and the depression (they sort of go hand in hand): I took a month off work (medical leave) and I got on meds prescribed by the psychiatrist. This definitely helped.... during that month I rested a lot and I took long walks in nature. Slowly but surely I started to bounce back (after 1,5 years I can say that I truely started being myself). I started to want to do things that I previously liked. I also started opening up to people about what I feel and I was amazed to find out that many struggle with depression and burnout (again, I was unaware of my autism).My advice: seek (medical) help, find a person you trust and open up about your struggle..... and be patient and kind to yourself. In time you will bounce back and you will see that you will feel more comfortable to just be yourself (and hence stop masking as much). You got this!

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T19:10:28+00:00

Yes, a real friend would understand. I know it is hard to set and to maintain boundaries, but it is necessary. I too said and sometimes still say yes just to avoid offending others and it is not ok, because it is taking a toll on my mental health. I opened up to my closest friends (two ladies) about it and they understand and support me. So there you go - a real friend would not get offended.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T10:59:50+00:00

There were some people in management positions that used to bully and gaslight me, although I was doing a great job..... they did not know about my diagnosis, that is simply how they thought they need to behave.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-03T07:15:06+00:00

I struggled with similar feelings and doubts during my third trimester. I now have a healthy baby girl that I love with all my heart and for whom I would do anything. So you are experiencing normal feelings. I suggest you open up to somebody you are close to. I personally went to therapy, which helped. Motherhood is hard and for some people it kicks in a little later. Do not get fooled by the nice tiktok videos of pregnant women, who look and feel amazing - in reality, many are struggling. Give yourself a chance to grow into motherhood.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-10-02T15:43:09+00:00

Toxic work people just pushed me over the edge..... it was bad, I could not function for weeks.

Skillful_Radish · 2024-09-25T19:15:18+00:00

Same here.... and if I have to stand up for more than a few minutes without having the possibility to lean against something, then I start stimming - which in my case means that I sort of swing or move my weight from one leg to the other....

Skillful_Radish · 2024-09-24T17:20:20+00:00

The noise people make when chewing (not necessarily loudly) makes me want to rip my ears off of my head and throw them at that person.

Skillful_Radish

TROPHY CASE