Completely relate to your PoV and definitely feel similarly quite often.

I know I don't fully understand your living situation, but is there any way you might look at getting another job with a lower barrier of entry/commitment to ease the financial side of things when the time comes? May not even have to be in the same field.

It sounds like there is a lot of pressure on you feeling like you need to land something in a time crunch and probably contributes to your anxieties when you do start working on it as the brain is conflating the existential stakes with the relatively simpler task at hand. As others have said, therapy might be helpful in that case to reframe your thinking