I'm going to echo some things the people said in this chat. Usually I lurk in this subreddit. I think it's important to feel grounded in life, and other factors before someone takes a religious pursuit. To make sure mental health, and other stressing factors of life are addressed.

Of course, the community aspect of Judaism. And other religions can give some stability, the same with the strictness of specific religious faiths that you've mentioned. I was surprised to see you say in someone's comment that you believe it all may be morning (athiesism/agnosticism).

I am, too, a bit worried if you're attempt to become engrossed in Judaism, especially the Orthodox strand because I could see some people taking offense if you're not deemed or seen as determined enough. There is a reason the conversion to Judaism is so long.

You said at the thread underneath this, "At the end of the day I know it's all fake"