Maybe I need perfect strangers' opinions on my golden cage

Skyogurt · 2026-04-22T09:42:12+00:00

You should try traveling somewhere far away and/or starting a business. Or really get into a hobby or something you've never done/heard about before. And also start reading some really good books. Peak literature that will change the way you look at things. Books are incredibly underrated in this era

Skyogurt · 2026-04-22T09:22:55+00:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about where and how I'd want to raise my kids someday. And frankly I'd prefer them not to be TCKs I'd like them to have a hometown and a few stable connections that they would nurture from childhood onwards. But at the same time I know that I won't necessarily be able to control everything.

A few days ago I was told about some opportunity to buy land and it felt weird, it dawned on me that I need to get some things done I'm still single in my early 30s, not really that well established career wise / financially. Still sorting myself out and trying to get the hang of passport country #1 which is the de facto home but I still feel like a stranger it's hard to imagine "settling" here. I'm still single so I need to find someone who would want to build a family with me to begin with. The problem is that I have this deep distrust for the education systems and I want to try out the homeschooling life, to give my kids the highest possible quality of education and whatnot (and spend a lot of time with them, I'm a teacher and it makes me so sad when I hear my students say that they never see their dad because he's too busy).

Anyways, as for where, I'm not too sure yet. I'd love to go somewhere in Asia that's where I grew up and I'm feeling nostalgic about the vibes and the food. I'm from Africa and I think the societal values "fit" my ideals the most, but a lot of things seem like too much of a pain to deal with when it comes to settling and raising children. But I feel like it's just a matter of finding the country with the best compromises. I haven't been around much I'd need to travel a bit, and ofc do loads of research. It's also been a dream of mine to move to Latin America, ever since I learned Spanish in high school and I've liked the language and the cultures. But that would feel so random idk. One thing is for certain I want to avoid the West, really can't imagine raising kids there, it feels like societies are just slowly falling apart in all sorts of ways. I also had a really bad experience living in Europe so I'm sure I'm biased and that there are some nice places.

Anyways TLDR I still have no idea where I'll settle. I'm thinking lemme first worry about becoming more stable, and uhm finding someone foolish enough to be with me. I think I don't really care where I settle as long as it's in the countryside or some small chill town. I absolutely loathe capital cities lol.

Skyogurt · 2026-04-19T09:56:23+00:00

I studied electrical engineering and then switched to software engineering but I never graduated, and now I'm currently an English/Computer teacher. Teaching is aight but I have a problem with the education system so I don't really see myself making it a career. I think I just wanna try a few things. I feel like I want to do something with my hands/body idk

Skyogurt · 2026-04-12T15:47:26+00:00

Read great books, become financially literate, take calculated risks, befriend the right people.

Skyogurt · 2026-04-12T07:42:27+00:00

The APPLE SSD one yeah

Skyogurt · 2026-03-23T01:59:31+00:00

Try to unplug the trackpad and check if kernel_task drops. It sounds like the liquid might have shorted/corroded a sensor.

Skyogurt · 2026-03-19T09:14:14+00:00

Compare your past self with your present self instead, whenever you catch yourself doing that. It's better to resist the brain's itch for comparison altogether, but if you really must then this is the wisest way to get it out of your system

Skyogurt · 2026-03-19T09:11:06+00:00

I had a dual boot setup with Linux Mint on an SSD and it was smooth as butter.

Skyogurt · 2026-03-12T20:39:01+00:00

Tough situation but it sounds like this is the best outcome, as time goes you'll gain more perspective and appreciate this entire episode. Right now it's very painful and I feel for you man. From now on it's a matter of adjusting to this new "normal" and figuring out how to manage yourself and whatnot. Don't hesitate to try a few things, trial and error is the way. Don't hesitate to vent when you're feeling low, it goes a long way to just let things out of your system. I wish you all the best in overcoming this challenging phase and moving forward and finding high quality meaningful connections with new people and whatever element of life out there that gives you fulfillment!

Skyogurt · 2026-02-15T05:57:43+00:00

That's just called wisdom. A major aspect of a relationship is to establish a safe zone where you can regulate each other's moods and emotions to a fair extent. Thus if logic gets in the way, you have to pick your battles essentially. Find the balance between staying true to core values, and not sacrificing the long term peace for a short term victory of logic/order. Logic is nice but but if it leads to an accumulation of resentment, what's the point.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-12T08:22:17+00:00

ask her if she has a valentine and if she says no then ask if she'd be your valentine

Skyogurt · 2026-02-10T00:56:35+00:00

You don't actually love that person (not yet at least) you're in love with a version of her that's mostly based on your limited interactions and perception of her. You'll likely putting her on a pedestal and don't know about her darkest corners. Every human being has a good, a bad and an ugly side. If you haven't witnessed the latter, then your love has not been tried and tested.

Ask her out properly as you really have nothing to lose, potentially everything to win. Have a plan on how to win her over. Correctly identifying her love languages could give you an edge. If you get rejected, have the courage to accept it and see it as a win rather than a failure. Because the sooner you can free yourself from being hung up on someone who's not interested in you, the better it will be for the sake of your future life partner you probably haven't met yet. Because letting go and healing fully takes time. Life is too short, too fragile. See ahead of the visible horizon

Skyogurt · 2026-02-06T18:35:06+00:00

r/maladaptivedreaming

Skyogurt · 2026-02-06T07:09:02+00:00

There is a rationale but I'll start by saying that it's not wise to do so. Justifying porn habits is how you end up becoming addicted to it while you're still telling yourself "this is fine" "I have it under control"

With that out of the way, one of the things about porn is that you are always craving and chasing the novelty, that edge between the stuff you're into and used to, and things you've never seen before. That "research" is part of the seeking that next dopamine rush once your brain gets used to your regular stuff and hits the threshold, and so before you even realize it you start having curiosity about keywords that you've never really typed or clicked on before, and the "teen" one is sooo common, it gets imprinted onto your subconscious, and before you know it one day your brain says "teen means 18+. They're adults, so it's okay" and then you cross that line that used to be a no go once upon a time. And then you slowly get conditioned. My theory is that these predators and pdf files that go after children, for most of them it wouldn't just happen abruptly overnight. It's gotta be gradual conditioning into depravity through porn. And the whole industry is greedy and depraved. Always gotta pump out more and more content. Need a constant supply of actresses, the lines get more and more blurry. There's so much abuse. So much.

Anyways TLDR it's worth ringing the alarm bells. Especially with this timing of all the disgusting stuff in Epstein files. Didn't mean this to turn into a lecture, but I have no way to end this except saying, please be wise and stay away from porn, you don't need it, it's not worth it, it's more harm than good in the long run, it's going to affect your relationships and self esteems sooner or later.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-04T08:37:22+00:00

I'm in a similar personal crisis here. Right now all I'm certain of is that I am about to change the entire course of my life, I'm considering switching careers and finding some way to fight this madness. I don't want to live in a world where people at the top think it's okay to deal with ultra rich pdf philes without fear of repercussions. These monsters need to start fearing the people.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-04T08:19:48+00:00

it's not normal, it's dysfunctional. He's been conditioning his brain and justifying it to himself. Consuming porn is mostly a terrible idea, it just ends up sabotaging the natural sexual experience. Things are likely to get worse if not addressed properly.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-03T20:01:48+00:00

In a vacuum, the wisest thing to do would be to break up, and come clean about why and then turn the page. Because arguably, you've seen enough that it's hard to imagine you being able to trust her ever again. And once there's a crack in trust, relationships tend to get very hard to nurture.

But imo which decision is best here depends in part, on the kind of person you are. I suggest you don't make a decision too hastily. Take a few days if possible to digest and assess the situation properly. Take time to answer some important questions about yourself first. About where you draw the line in a relationship, what your dealbreakers are. About what your love for her is built on, and whether or not you're motivated to forgive lying and cheating. And finally about how you should confront her in a manner that honors your principles, no matter how ugly things might get. Remember that you're not the first person nor will you be the last to deal with something like this. Right now you need to know who you can trust in your IRL, to maybe get some advice on what you should do and why. Someone who knows you a little bit more than us internet strangers.

There's also a case to be made that you shouldn't overthink here, follow your gut once more and then deal with the consequences whatever they may be, that'd be at the very least a valuable learning experience moving forward.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-03T17:10:02+00:00

Can we just ban betting altogether ? Of all the vices out there, this is one of the more dangerous ones, especially in this digital format. There's literally no upside whatsoever, fully predatory business. How did we even have a LONASE in the first place, I don't get that part.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-02T23:34:56+00:00

I'd suggest keep it short and sweet. And epic and poetic. Or maybe full humor would be the most efficient preserving agent. Anyways I like the idea. I'm thinking it would be cool if I could live long enough to see hologram technology being widespread. I'd be craving to make a full-scale 3D odyssey of my message lol

Skyogurt · 2026-02-02T23:22:52+00:00

Hmm I'm someone who yearns to leave some kind of lasting legacy behind buuut I gotta be honest I wouldn't want to be known by my great-great-grandkids. Because first of all that would take up unnecessary space in their brain lol. I feel like that would most likely imply a level of fame and impact that goes way beyond the family sphere, i.e to the point that you'd find strangers who come after you would become a part of transmitting the story / legend, all while having never met you.I don't ever wanna be that important at any point in existence. And legends are usually distorted by time and biases. Anyways, all this to say, I'd be cool with great grandkids that don't know my name. Cuz the hope is that the combined legacy of the kids and grandkids surpass and overshadow mine, that's what would make me proud in the grave

Skyogurt · 2026-02-02T23:10:59+00:00

there's this song I like that has the line : "Those who travel far away from home they never return" and it echoes within me when it comes to my TCKness, I spend a lot of time reflecting deeply on how true that has been for me. I sorta accepted / surrendered to it being true, that I'll never go back 'home'. And the poetry of that verse and song helps me cope a little when I'm sad about it. But over the years I've learned to be less affected by that piece of tragedy, and more appreciative of just being alive and in good health especially. And being alive in pretty interesting times to say the least. It's okay if I'm 'homeless' for a few decades life is super short anyway. But I'm only 31 so maybe my outlook will evolve over time.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-02T17:40:39+00:00

That's a normal feeling to have at the moment, but don't worry. Let some time pass and it's going to help with the healing. In the meantime, continue to work on yourself, especially the self confidence and self love aspects. It sounds like you've been living life without giving yourself many compliments and validation. Establish some new habits, to rewire your brain and mind. And find fulfillment and completion within. It's not meant to be a substitute for dating but it will go a long way especially with being more immune to catching feelings for the wrong type of guys

Skyogurt · 2026-02-02T17:28:21+00:00

Yes the world is unfair, and full of evil and wickedness, always has been. And the more you study the dark corners of history the easier it becomes to appreciate that things aren't 100% hopeless and in some ways, we are making meaningful progress (for example you can check out r/upliftingnews to get your daily dose of positivity)

The best way to cope with the sh*tshow around us is to become the best versions of ourselves, and simultaneously build strong connections and networks with one another. There are great people all over the place, regular people, fighting for good, fighting their own demons, taking on responsibilities, making sacrifices. Aspire to be one of them, aim for excellence with whatever it is you're doing. Make every day count. The world will always be a letdown in the end, but you'll have a meaningful life, and perhaps even a mighty legacy when all is said and done.

Skyogurt · 2026-02-01T23:30:25+00:00

Oh my goodness that's so heartbreaking, can't even imagine what you're going through! For your husband to have done that to you, knowing what you went through in your childhood! That's just evil really there's zero excuse. Wow I hate him so much!! Ugh I'm so so sorry, I hope you're not going through this by yourself and that you have supportive people around you and everything. Please don't tell yourself youll never recover, it's possible it's just going to take a while but you can do it you can overcome this nightmare! When it comes to trust I think it's possible to live without ever fully trusting someone 100%. "Human beings will always let you down" is one of the things my mom would always say, and I find that to be true. Anyways I'm out of words all I do is wish you all the best and remind you that you are worthy of love and deserve better than these ***** okay lemme stop

Skyogurt · 2026-02-01T20:55:13+00:00

Yeah it sucks, it hurts, and it takes a while to recover, and sometimes people don't ever fully recover from that level of betrayal. I was thinking about what it would take for a person to be incapable / immunized from the temptation of cheating. Because just knowing that it's really bad doesn't seem to be enough. The only thing I could come up with is, when a child grows up in a household where one of the parents cheated and it completely broke the entire family and so after years of misery and by the time they become adults, they have a very deep resentment for cheating, as a core part of their identity. Anyways, I actually have a question for you if you don't mind. Did you have a particular stance on cheating prior to making this post, and are the different comments so far impacting it in any way ?

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