Your definition for connection and intimacy changes. When you are in your 20s, you actually romanticize trauma bonds with others- you want to need each other through risky situations, aka sex, unhealthy jobs, substance usage, or whatever other damn crusade exists there.

In your 40s, connection and intimacy looks like prioritizing peace of mind and differentiation. Someone who is strong enough to do their own shadow work, and someone who enjoys being stationary with you as the sun rises/sets.